Tag: <span>Tips</span>

7 Divorce Tips for Moms

May 6, 2020August 10, 2020
by Angie

If you’re a mother who’s considering divorce, you’re facing some unique challenges. Check out these divorce tips for moms to find out what lies ahead – and prepare yourself for a successful outcome.

7 Divorce Tips for Moms

Check out these seven divorce tips for moms, and then read on to get answers to some of our most commonly asked questions.

#1. If you need spousal support, ask for it.

Many working and stay-at-home moms are entitled to spousal support (more on that later), so if you need it, don’t be afraid to ask for it.

#2. Try to work with your spouse to reach agreements about your children.

When you and your spouse can work together – even if your children can’t see that you’re doing it – you’re setting a good example. You’re also more likely to be reasonably satisfied with the outcome when you both have a hand in creating it.

Related: 13 co-parenting rules to live by

#3. Learn about co-parenting, and encourage your ex to learn about it, too.

Co-parenting is good for your kids; it’s the act of working with your spouse to continue to parent your children. (But if you can’t co-parent because your ex is too uncooperative, don’t stress it. Things will work out just fine – trust us.)

#4. Get everything in writing.

When you communicate with your ex, try to keep it in writing – especially if you two don’t get along very well. When you have a series of emails, you have a paper trail you can fall back on if your ex says one thing and does another.

#5. Don’t talk about your divorce (or your ex) in front of your kids.

Your kids know you’re getting divorced, and it’s definitely fine to answer their questions in age-appropriate ways. However, don’t call your mom, your best friend or your therapist in front of them – they’re not emotionally equipped to handle it.

#6. Don’t try to mediate between your kids and their other parent when there’s a disagreement.

If your children and your ex have a disagreement or dispute, don’t try to be the middleman. It’s between them, and you should support your children without trying to mediate.

#7. Expect your kids to feel confused, guilty, sad or abandoned.

Kids deal with divorce differently based on several factors, including their ages. It’s normal for children to feel confused, guilty, sad or abandoned – and it’s up to you to reassure them that you love them. Another thing to consider: Many children benefit from talking to a divorce therapist.

Divorce Tips for Moms: FAQ

We get a lot of questions specifically from moms, so check out these FAQ – and if you don’t see an answer to your question here, call us at 209-395-1605 to schedule a consultation with a Stockton divorce lawyer.

Related: Child custody in California

How Do Stay-at-Home Moms Get Divorced?

If you’re a stay-at-home mom who wants a divorce, you need to know that it is entirely possible for you to leave your spouse and get a fresh start. You’ll have to:

Get financial records, such as bank statements, asset statements, tax returns and other documents
Think about how you’ll divide your assets (California is a community property state)
Talk to an attorney about spousal support and having the court compel your ex to pay your legal fees
Learn about child support in California
Make a concrete plan before you take any major steps

How Do You Get Divorced When You Have No Money?

For many moms who have no money, divorce seems out of reach – but there are still a couple of options. First, you can file for divorce on your own, without an attorney. You may also be able to get the judge to agree that your spouse should pay your legal fees, which can happen when one spouse was the primary earner and the other doesn’t have the financial resources to pay an attorney.

What Are My Rights as a Mother Going Through Divorce?

In California, mothers and fathers have equal rights during a divorce. With that said, you have the right to:

Ask for physical custody of your children
Ask for legal custody of your children
Receive child support if you are the custodial parent
Ask for spousal support if you need it

What Does a Wife Get in a Divorce?

California is a community property state, which means everything that you and your spouse acquire during your marriage belongs equally to both of you. Some property is separate, though – if you or your ex brought it into the marriage, it’s generally yours to keep. Still other property is a mix of separate and community. Here’s an example: Let’s say you bought a house a few years before you married. You continued paying on the house even after you got married. Because you continued to pay for it once you got married, it’s part separate, part community. Your lawyer can help you figure out how to divide the house (or its proceeds, should you sell it).

Can a Stay-at-Home Mom Get Alimony?

Many stay-at-home mothers are entitled to alimony in a divorce. Usually, a judge will look at several factors when determining whether to award spousal support – including whether the supported spouse (in this case, the stay-at-home mom) can support herself. Usually, courts award alimony for a set period of time – typically how long it should take for the supported spouse to become self-supporting.

Can I Be a Stay-at-Home Mom After Divorce?

Realistically, it would be difficult for a person to be a stay-at-home mom after divorce. When the courts award spousal maintenance, it’s with the intention of the supported spouse becoming self-sufficient within a reasonable period of time. That means you would need to take the time you’re receiving alimony and work toward earning a degree or learning new job skills so that you can support yourself. However, if you can get your ex-spouse to agree to pay you a significant amount of spousal support with an agreement that you’ll remain a stay-at-home mom, it may be possible.

Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer to Get More Divorce Tips for Moms?

If you’re a mom considering divorce, or if your spouse has already filed, we may be able to help you. Call us at 209-395-1605 to schedule your consultation with an experienced Stockton family law attorney today.

Property Division

What is Community Property in California?

March 1, 2020August 10, 2020
by Angie

We live in a community property state, which means the things you acquired during your marriage belong to both you and your spouse. But what is community property in California, and how will it impact your divorce settlement?

Here’s what you need to know.

What is Community Property in California?

Figuring out property division can be incredibly difficult, and when a couple has many assets or debts, it’s often necessary to hire professional help. However, in order to understand property division, you have to know what the term “property” means when it comes to divorce.

Property is anything that can be bought or sold, or that has value. Examples of property include:

Houses
Vehicles
Furniture
Clothing
Bank accounts and cash
Pension plans and 401(k) plans
Stocks
Life insurance that has cash value
Businesses
Patents

If you acquired any of these things while you were married, they’re usually considered community property. That means they belong to both you and your spouse – even if only one of you made it happen.

For example, if you bought a house a year into your marriage, the law considers it community property. That’s true even if only your name (or only your spouse’s name) is on it. Likewise, if you bought a car, invested money in stocks or even started a business, you have community property.

How Do You Divide Community Property?

You and your spouse are free to come up with your own agreements on dividing community property. You might trade one thing for another, or you might choose to each keep things that primarily belong to one of you (such as your own vehicles).

If you arrange trades, you might offer your spouse the china cabinet you purchased in exchange for the dresser in your bedroom. Perhaps you and your spouse agree that one of you gets the sofa and one of you gets the bar stools and dining table.

What About High-Value Assets and Businesses?

In some cases, particularly when it comes to high-value property (like a business), one spouse offers to “buy out” the other. For example, if you opened a candle shop in downtown Stockton while you were married, you’d probably hire a valuation expert to find out how much it’s worth. When the valuation expert gives you a dollar figure – say $150,000 – one spouse might offer to pay the other $75,000 to give up any control of the business.

What if You Don’t Have Cash Lying Around?

Sometimes these buyouts occur without actual cash changing hands. The buying spouse may offer the other spouse items of an equal value, such as a house or a vehicle in trade. As long as the judge agrees that it’s a fair trade, and provided that you both agree to it, the trade can become part of your divorce settlement.

What if You And Your Spouse Can’t Divide Your Community Property?

Community property, in California (and many other states), must be divided fairly. Fair doesn’t always mean 50-xdr50. The judge in your case can take several other factors into account when determining what’s fair, such as whether one spouse earns a lot more money than the other does.

But if you and your spouse can’t agree on dividing your property, your attorney might suggest that you work with a mediator. A mediator is an impartial third party who can help you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse find solutions you can both live with.

If you’re able to eventually reach an agreement, the judge will determine whether it’s fair to both parties. In the event that the judge finds it fair, it’ll become part of your divorce settlement.

Related: Animal custody in California

Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About Community Property in California?

If you’re not sure how to divide your property, or if you need help negotiating a fair settlement, we’re here for you. Call us at (209) 395-1605 to schedule your consultation today.

Divorce

3 Ways to Simplify Your Divorce (Even Before You…

February 17, 2020August 10, 2020
by Angie

If you’re like most people, you want your divorce to go as smoothly as possible. You’d like to minimize conflict and just make it through with your head above water – and that’s probably true whether you’re just starting to think about a split or you’re riding out California’s 6-month divorce waiting period. The good news: There are three ways you can simplify your divorce right now.

3 Ways to Simplify Your Divorce (Even Before You File)

Check out these three ways you can simplify your divorce:

Get ready to cooperate.
Organize everything.
Start negotiating as early as possible.

Here’s a closer look at each.

#1. Get Ready to Cooperate

You don’t have to get along with your spouse. You don’t even have to spend time in the same room together or have lengthy discussions over the phone.

However, you do need to prepare yourself – and ask your spouse to prepare him- or herself – to cooperate with each other throughout the process.

Cooperating means working together to achieve an outcome you can both live with. It also means co-parenting your children so that they have as much stability and continuity as possible during (and after) your divorce.

If you and your spouse are having a hard time seeing eye-to-eye, your attorney might suggest that you work with a mediator. A mediator is an impartial third party whose sole job is to find common ground. You can mediate every issue in your divorce, from child custody to property division.

Sometimes it’s not possible to cooperate with your spouse, and that’s okay. Some people are naturally combative and won’t budge. If that’s the case, don’t worry. Your Stockton divorce lawyer can still do what it takes to get you the best possible outcome.

Related: What is divorce mediation?

#2. Organize Everything

Gather all your important documents and keep them together to simplify your divorce. You may need things like:

Tax returns
Children’s birth certificates
Social Security numbers
Insurance policies
Bank statements
Pay stubs
Credit card statements
Mortgage documents
Business-related documents
Pension or retirement account statements

Your attorney may need these types of documents throughout your divorce, so if you have everything organized, they’ll be easy to find when the time comes.

You don’t have to keep a paper file folder with this information in it. Instead, you can keep digital copies on your computer or in the cloud. Remember, though, when you have all your documents together, you should take steps to protect them. That might include putting them in a safe (if they’re physical copies) or putting them in a password-protected file on your computer.

Related: The ultimate divorce checklist

#3. Start Negotiating as Early as Possible

You may not feel like negotiating with your spouse, but it’s very important that you try if you want to simplify your divorce. Before you head into negotiations with your spouse, decide what you’ll be okay with – and what you can give up to get what you want.

Commit to choosing your battles. You don’t have to fight for things you don’t want just for the sake of “winning.” A successful divorce is one in which you walk away reasonably satisfied with the outcome.

Incidentally, that’s how a lot of people – even those who don’t want to fight – view divorce. It’s not a win-or-lose battle. It’s the dissolution of a marriage in which both parties need to come away with some concessions. In fact, it’s a lot like a business transaction.

Why Should You Try to Simplify Your Divorce?

The bottom line is that it’s mentally healthier for you to keep your divorce as simple as possible. By extension, it’s better for your children, too. You’ll be less stressed and better equipped to make sound decisions that affect your future.

Are You Ready to Simplify Your Divorce?

If you’re thinking about divorce, or if your spouse has already filed, we may be able to help you. We want you to be able to simplify your divorce, and we’ll do what it takes to get you the best possible outcome.

Call us at (209) 395-1605 for a divorce case evaluation. You’ll talk to an experienced Stockton divorce lawyer who can give you the advice you need to begin moving forward.

Divorce

Divorce Advice for Women: 15 Things You Need to…

February 6, 2020August 10, 2020
by Angie

If you’re like many women, the thought of divorce has crossed your mind from time to time – and you’re still sitting on the fence about whether it’s the right choice for you, your children, and even your spouse. When you’re considering a split from your partner, you need specific divorce advice for women… that way, you can make the most informed decision possible.

Divorce Advice for Women: 15 Things Most People Won’t Tell You

Check out these 15 pieces of divorce advice for women while you’re evaluating your options:

Make sure you’re really ready for divorce.
Talk to a therapist.
Take your kids to a therapist.
Get all the information you can.
Set goals.
Shore up your support network.
Commit to putting your children first.
Get copies of all your financial documents.
Decide to negotiate with your spouse.
Keep your eye on the “big picture.”
Foster a good relationship between your kids and their other parent.
Look at divorce like a business transaction.
Don’t get divorce advice from Facebook.
Be prepared for other relationships to change.
Be kind to yourself.

Here’s a closer look at each piece of divorce advice.

#1. Make sure you’re really ready for divorce.

When you tell your spouse you want a divorce, and especially when you actually file for divorce, you’re crossing a line that you can’t usually go back over. It’s like a set of dominoes – and once you push the first one over, you’re committed.

#2. Talk to a therapist.

Even if you’ve been thinking about divorce for a long time, you’ll most likely experience grief over the loss of your relationship. It’s a good idea to talk to a divorce therapist who’s trained in helping people cope with difficult situations.

#3. Take your kids to a therapist.

Your kids are seeing your divorce from a different angle, and they’ll most likely benefit from talking to a therapist, too. You can all see the same therapist – together and in separate sessions – to keep your family on the same page. Of all the divorce advice for women available, this may be one of the most valuable pieces.

#4. Get all the information you can.

The more informed you are about the divorce process, the better. Learn everything you can about child custody, spousal support, property division and every other aspect of divorce in California.

#5. Set goals.

Don’t leave the outcome of your divorce up to chance. Set goals and make a plan to reach them. While there’s no way to predict how a judge will rule in any case, you need a roadmap to get where you want to be.

#6. Shore up your support network.

Friends and family are a vital support network during divorce. Just be prepared for the fact that some people feel like divorce is “contagious” or that they won’t know what to say to you… and let them know just being there is enough.

#7. Commit to putting your children first.

You may be hurt, angry, afraid and upset – but no matter what, if you have children, they must come first in your divorce. That means doing what’s best for them, even if it doesn’t feel like doing what’s best for you. It also means being honest with yourself about what’s best for them, such as spending enough time with their other parent. This isn’t just divorce advice for women, either; it goes for men, too.

Related: Divorce with kids

#8. Get copies of all your financial documents.

Before you even file for divorce, make sure you have copies of all your financial statements (and access to them in the future), your mortgage information, and other important documents.

Related: 5 divorce finance tips

#9. Decide to negotiate with your spouse.

When you and your spouse are able to find common ground on all the important issues, your divorce will be less painful (financially and emotionally) than it would be if you fought over everything. Commit to trying to negotiate with each other so you can both be reasonably satisfied with the outcome.

#10. Keep your eye on the “big picture.”

Remember that divorce is a means to an end, and it won’t last forever – even if it feels like it. During your divorce, you’ll have to focus on what really matters: your children, your life post-divorce, and being reasonably satisfied with the outcome. Some of the best divorce advice for women we can give is to stay focused on the goal throughout the entire process.

#11. Foster a good relationship between your kids and their other parent.

Your main responsibility is to your children, and it’s up to you to make sure you’re doing your part to foster healthy parent-child relationships… and that goes for you and their other parent. Kids whose parents try to drive wedges in their relationships have a harder time recovering – and a harder time trusting – than children whose parents make sure they know they’re loved and cared for on both sides of the aisle.

#12. Look at divorce like a business transaction.

Divorce is the legal dissolution of your marriage contract, so try your best to treat it that way. You’ll be emotional – everyone is – but remember that it’s a transaction between you and your spouse. Don’t try to use the courts for emotional justice, because you won’t find it there (and it could even backfire horribly).

#13. Don’t get divorce advice from Facebook.

Avoid putting any of the details of your divorce on Facebook – even if you’re asking a private group for advice. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk to your friends and family; you should absolutely do that. Just keep it off social media because it can come back to bite you later. (This isn’t just divorce advice for women. It goes for men, too.)

Related: Social media and your divorce

#14. Be prepared for other relationships to change.

When people find out that you’re divorcing, they might not know how to handle it – and you may even lose some friends you made as a couple. People often feel like they have to take sides, but that’s not always the case; in fact, some people, in an effort to avoid taking sides, will avoid being there for you or your spouse. A lot of people just don’t know what to say, or they’re afraid that divorce is somehow “contagious,” so you may experience uncomfortable distance between you and some of the people you trust.

#15. Be kind to yourself.

Divorce is rough – nobody can argue that. But remember: You don’t need to do everything perfectly. The house can get messy, you can cry, you can let the laundry go. Be kind to yourself and avoid beating yourself up over things. Remember, too, that you have to take care of your body by getting enough sleep, taking it easy on caffeine and alcohol, and getting enough exercise so your mind can be as sharp as possible when you’re making all these big decisions.

Are You Thinking About Divorce?

If you’re considering divorce, or if your spouse has already filed, we may be able to help you. Call us at (209) 546-6870. We’ll be happy to answer your questions about child custody, child support, spousal maintenance and other divorce-related issues.

Adoption

The Adoption Process in California: The Basics

January 22, 2020August 10, 2020
by Angie

The adoption process in California varies based on the type of adoption you’re pursuing. For example, a stepparent who is adopting his or her spouse’s child will have to take different steps than a couple adopting a newborn will take – but generally, every adoption follows a similar course. Typically, the adoption process includes:

Finding an adoption attorney
Filling out court forms
Filing the forms with the court
Getting consent from the birth parent, in some cases
Being interviewed and submitting to an investigation
Getting a court date and going to an adoption hearing

The Adoption Process in California: The Basics

Most adoptions follow similar steps. Your attorney can give you case-specific guidance, but here’s a closer look at the most basic steps so you know what to expect.

#1. Finding an Adoption Attorney

For many people, the journey to growing a family begins with hiring an adoption attorney. Your attorney can walk you through the entire process, from start to finish, and she’ll answer your questions every step of the way.

#2. Filling Out Court Forms

Your attorney will fill out the court forms required by California law. The forms you need to file depend on the type of adoption you’re using. The most common types include stepparent or domestic partner adoptions, independent adoptions, agency adoptions and international adoptions. Each has its own requirements.

Related: California adoption requirements

#3. Filing the Forms With the Court

Your attorney will file all the necessary forms for you. Usually, they go to the court clerk in your county. (Don’t worry – your attorney will make sure that you have copies of everything.)

#4. Getting Consent From the Birth Parent or Parents, if Necessary

Sometimes birth parents relinquish custody of their children. When that happens, you don’t have to get their consent. However, if you’re adopting your stepchild or your domestic partner’s child, you will most likely have to get the child’s other parent’s or guardian’s consent.

You may still be able to adopt the child without the parent’s or guardian’s consent if:

The other birth parent has abandoned the child for more than a year, and he or she has not seen or spoken with the child or paid any child support
Your attorney serves the other birth parent with an Adoption Request form, which requires the other birth parent to show up in court on a specific date to object to the adoption
The judge in your case determines that your adoption is in the child’s best interest

#5. Being Interviewed and Submitting to an Investigation as Part of the Adoption Process in California

You’ll have to go through a home study, be interviewed by an investigator (often a social worker) and go through a criminal background investigation as part of the adoption process in California.

The home study is designed to ensure that you’re prepared to bring a child into your family, and the requirements might vary based on the type of adoption you’re pursuing. Additionally, you must agree to a fingerprint-based state and federal background check, and the government will check for your name in the Child Abuse Central Index. Some convictions will bar you from adoption, such as anything that requires you to register as a sex offender, infliction of injury on a spouse (or cohabitant, or parent of a child), or endangering a child.

#6. Getting a Court Date and Attending an Adoption Hearing

After the court receives a complete report from the investigator assigned to your case, you’ll get a court date for an adoption hearing. Your attorney will keep you updated if there are any changes, and she’ll go with you when you appear in court, as well.

At the adoption hearing, the judge will issue his or her decision. You must bring all the forms you have filled out (remember, your attorney will make sure you have plenty of copies). The child must also attend the hearing.

Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About the Adoption Process in California?

If you’re considering adoption, whether you’re going through an agency or adopting a stepchild or other relative, we may be able to help you. Call us at (209) 546-6246 to set up a consultation to talk about your case and get answers to all your questions today.

Guardianship

California Adoption Requirements: What You Need to Know

January 17, 2020August 12, 2020
by Angie

California adoption requirements are different from those in other states – and the laws in our state play an important role in your entire experience. If you’re considering adopting a child in California, you may want to consult with a Stockton, CA adoption attorney who can help.

California Adoption Requirements: What You Need to Know

If you want to adopt a child in California, you’ll have to follow the letter of the law. California adoption requirements involve nearly every aspect of the process, including who’s allowed to adopt a child, how much families can pay and how the legal paperwork becomes binding. Some of the most common requirements involve:

The adopter’s age
Criminal history checks
Home study investigations
How much you can pay your baby’s birth mother
Consent for adoption

Here’s a closer look at each.

#1. California Adoption Requirements About the Adopter’s Age: How Old Do You Have to Be to Adopt a Child?

If you want to adopt a child, you must be at least 10 years older than the child you’re adopting. However, if you’re adopting a stepchild or another relative, you don’t have to meet this requirement.

#2. Criminal History Checks: A Mandatory Requirement

Every prospective adoptive parent must submit to a criminal background check. Some convictions are a permanent bar to adoption, while others are negotiable (and sometimes at the discretion of an adoption agency, if that’s the route you’re taking). You will be barred from adoption if you have been convicted of anything that requires you to register as a sex offender or endangering a child, as well as some other types of crimes. Your adoption attorney can help you understand how this law applies to you, as well.

#3. The Home Study Investigation

You must undergo a home study investigation if you want to adopt a child in California. This adoption requirement exists so that you can prove that you can provide a stable, nurturing home to a child. Additionally, the social worker assigned to your case can help you understand what types of adoption opportunities might be best for your family, as well as answer your questions and help you prepare for the process.

During the home study investigation, you’ll have to:

Submit fingerprints
Undergo a physical examination
Attend adoption training classes
Complete at least one individual interview with a social worker
Complete an in-home visit and investigation with a social worker

#4. California Adoption Requirements on How Much You Can Pay a Birth Mother

California laws say that you can pay reasonable maternity-related medical costs for your baby’s birth mother. In some cases, you can provide money for expenses that are necessary for the birth mother or baby’s welfare or expenses that are directly related to the pregnancy. In some cases, birth mothers are allowed to receive money for:

Housing
Food
Basic utilities
Transportation
Maternity clothing

However, the birth mother must make a written request for payment and provide written receipts for any money you provide – and you’ll have to submit the receipts to the court before a judge can finalize your adoption.

#5. Consent for Adoption

Depending on your circumstances, you and your attorney may need to obtain consent from several people to go through with the adoption. You may need consent from:

The child’s living parents (both, if they are married or if the father is named on the child’s birth certificate)
The child’s custodial parent only, provided that the other parent has failed to communicate with and support the child for at least a year, or if the other parent fails to respond to notice of adoption proceedings
Your spouse, if you’re married
The child being adopted, provided the child is over the age of 12

Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About California Adoption Requirements?

These are only the most basic California adoption requirements – you may need to meet other requirements as well. If you have questions about adoption, we may be able to help.

Call us at (209) 546-6246 to set up a consultation to talk about your case and get answers to all your questions today.

Divorce

17 Divorce Mediation Tips You Need to Know Before…

December 27, 2019August 12, 2020
by Angie

If you’re divorcing your spouse in California, you’ll likely consider mediation – many people do. In fact, mediation is the smart choice when you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse just can’t see eye-to-eye. And in some cases, the courts actually order mediation to help people resolve disagreements (particularly when it comes to parenting plans for their children). Check out these 17 divorce mediation tips if you’re headed that way – you’ll find them tremendously helpful.

Related: Divorce mediation checklist

17 Divorce Mediation Tips You Need to Know Before You Start Mediation

Some of these tips may not apply to you – but read through each to determine which ones you can put into practice to make your entire experience with mediation go more smoothly.

1. Agree to come to the table in good faith. Mediation requires both you and your ex to decide that you’ll both do your best to find common ground – even if you don’t feel like getting along.

2. Do your homework, and ask your ex to do the same. Create a master list of all your assets and debts, and pull together records for all your income sources (both yours and your spouse’s).

3. Be realistic. Mediation is about finding common ground, not about bending your ex to your will (or about your ex bending you to his or her will), so don’t walk into it thinking that you’re going to “take it all.” Instead, expect to walk away reasonably satisfied with the outcome. That’s what mediation is designed for, so go into it with the right expectations.

4. Don’t be shy, but avoid making demands. Be prepared to say what you want from the divorce and back up your reasoning with facts. The mediator can help you and your ex come together based on facts when you can’t see eye-to-eye emotionally. (This is a key divorce mediation tip that many people miss. It’s really important, because you have to speak up for what you want!)

5. Put your kids first. Remember that although children are resilient, divorce is tough on them – and the things you ask for in mediation should be in their best interest.

6. Be comfortable with making your own decisions. Your mediator won’t tell you what to do; instead, he or she will present you with options after identifying and discussing issues.

7. Participate actively in the process. If you don’t actively participate, or worse, if you don’t cooperate, mediation won’t be successful. You’ll both have to put in some work and participate in give-and-take.

8. Stay flexible. Mediation is all about compromise, so skip the “my way or the highway” mentality and be ready to give up some things to gain others. If you can only implement a few of these divorce mediation tips, make sure this one is high on your priority list.

9. Know what you’re willing to give up before you begin. There are some things you’d like to get out of your divorce, but there are others that you could do without. Know what you want (and what you can give up) before you start mediation

10. Know your best alternatives. When you think about your agreements with your spouse, consider what your best scenario would be if you don’t get exactly what you want – and be ready to accept them if they’re presented. This requires pre-planning, so make sure you walk into your mediation with an idea of what you’re really willing to accept (and what’s worth fighting for).

11. Decide whether you’re bringing your attorney or flying solo. Your attorney can come with you if you wish, but that’s something you should discuss prior to your appointment; in some cases, it’s best if you go alone.

12. Don’t try to mediate if your spouse is abusive. If your spouse has been physically or verbally abusive, mediation may not be the best choice for you. Talk to your attorney about other options. Rather than divorce mediation tips, you likely need an alternative method.

13. Be honest. You have to be willing to come clean about what you have and what you want – otherwise, your mediation might be doomed from the start. You certainly can’t hide assets; doing so will get you into serious trouble in court.

14. Know that it’s okay to take a break. Mediation isn’t the most fun you’re going to have. In fact, it can be fairly difficult and even frustrating. It’s okay to tell the mediator you need to step outside to clear your head if things are getting too tough.

15. Know what your spouse is angling for. You know your spouse better than anyone else does, so when you go into mediation, you probably have a good idea about what he or she wants. It’s in your best interest to sit down and seriously think about what your spouse would like to get from mediation; that way, you can negotiate better.

16. Check your emotions at the door. It’s hard, but you have to look at mediation like a business negotiation – otherwise, you might not get very far.

17. Keep an open mind. You may really want to get your marital home in the divorce – but would you be okay if you didn’t get it? Be prepared to explore alternative solutions to get what you want (or to come close to getting what you want).

Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About Divorce and Mediation Tips?

If you’re contemplating divorce, or if your spouse has already filed, we can help you (and we can give you more divorce mediation tips if you need them). Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with us online to schedule a consultation.

Divorce

Divorce Tips for Moms

October 22, 2019August 13, 2020
by Angie

Your top priority is doing what’s best for your children – and as a mom, that carries over into every aspect of your life. Are you working too much? Making enough money? Spending enough time with your kids? Signing them up for enough extracurricular activities? Aren’t there any specific divorce tips for moms you could use to do better?

Are you doing a good enough job?

If you’re like most moms, you’re your own toughest critic. The good news: You’re doing just fine – and even though you’re working your way through a divorce, your kids are going to be okay. Statistically, children of divorce turn out well, and they have the best outcomes when their parents truly care about what’s best for them.

And that’s you. You do care about what’s best for them, and you’re doing the best you possibly can right now. Check out our divorce tips for moms to make sure you’re staying grounded. (Hint: You probably are.)

Divorce Tips for Moms

If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. Check out these five divorce tips for moms to see if you could put any of them to use in your life:

Know that you’re normal.
Don’t be afraid to rely on support.
Create boundaries and stick to them.
Get control over your finances.
Keep moving forward.

Let’s take a closer look at each of these.

#1. Know that you’re normal.

You’re on an emotional roller coaster when you’re going through a divorce – and you’ll have good days and bad days. That’s completely normal. So are all the feelings you experience, ranging from anger to sadness to a sense of hope for the future. While it sounds like a cliché, know that the feelings you’re experiencing now are more than just normal… they’re temporary. This will pass.

#2. Don’t be afraid to rely on support.

We’re hard-wired to talk to other people for support, so don’t be afraid to talk to people in your support network. Family and friends can be great resources during times like these – but if you need to talk to a professional, do it. Talking to a divorce counselor or therapist can be a great way to learn new coping strategies and work through some of the things you’re experiencing right now.

#3. Create boundaries and stick to them.

While you were married to your ex, you had a certain way of dealing with each other, including the ways you communicated about your children. You don’t have to stick to the status quo now – you can do what works best for your own emotional well-being. That means if your ex wants to argue, you can get off the phone; if your ex wants to stop by and visit, you can say no. Creating healthy boundaries is a good way to start moving forward.

#4. Get control over your finances.

Whether you worked during your marriage or you stayed home with your children, you need to get control over your own finances when you divorce. Separate your money and talk to your Stockton divorce attorney about what you can expect as far as paying or receiving spousal support (commonly called alimony). Talk to your attorney about child support, too, because in California, both parents are responsible for providing for their children.

Related: Protecting assets from divorce

#5. Keep moving forward.

It doesn’t always feel like it, but your divorce will eventually be over – and then you’ll be moving forward to a more positive future. There’s no way around it; divorce is a major life change. If you keep moving forward, your kids will learn from your example. They’ll end up being more resilient and able to cope with the challenges that come their way, too. Focus on doing what’s right for you and your children, now and once your divorce is final, and your whole family will emerge from the process just fine.

Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About Divorce?

These divorce tips for moms can help you out, but they’re not a substitute for legal advice. If you’re getting divorced, or if you’re still just thinking about it, you may need to talk to an attorney who can preserve your – and your children’s – rights. Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today.

Divorce

Divorce Advice for Stay-at-Home Moms

September 27, 2019August 13, 2020
by Angie

If you’re a stay-at-home mom who’s facing divorce, you probably have a lot of questions. While most of them can be solved during a consultation with a Stockton divorce attorney, here’s a quick peek at a little divorce advice for stay-at-home moms.

Divorce Advice for Stay-at-Home Moms

Being a stay-at-home mom is wonderful – but it can be incredibly scary when you choose to (or when your spouse files for) divorce. When you don’t have your own source of income, or when you’re not sure what the job market holds for you, it can all seem overwhelming. However, you can follow these five tips to help make things easier on yourself:

Gather financial documents.
Find out what your assets are worth.
Get familiar with your credit score.
Plan to return to work.
Think about asking for alimony.

Let’s take a closer look at each of these so you can be as prepared as possible.

#1. Gather financial documents.

Pull together all the financial documents you have. One of the best pieces of divorce advice for stay-at-home moms is to keep records of everything – including things like:

Pay stubs
Loan and mortgage documents
Insurance policies
Bank statements
Investment account statements
W2s from previous years
Tax returns from previous years

When you have as many financial documents as you can get, keep them all organized in a folder. Later, if you choose to ask the court for alimony, you may need to provide proof of your family’s income – and your spouse may not be as truthful as you will.

#2. Find out what your assets are worth.

Maybe you want to continue living in your marital home after the divorce. That’s fine, but no matter what you intend to do, you need to find out how much it’s worth. That’s because divorce is financially tough on many couples – and you may not be able to keep it. It’s often a good idea to get the house appraised before your divorce so you know how much it’ll be worth if you have to sell it, and so you can prepare to divide the cash or come up with the remainder of what you owe.

If you have other assets, you should also find out what they’re worth.

#3. Get familiar with your credit score.

Use a site like CreditKarma to keep up with your credit score. You may need to apply for credit during or after your divorce, and the better your score is, the more likely you are to get favorable rates and terms. If there are things you need to fix on your credit report, now is the time to do it.

#4. Plan to return to work.

Another great piece of divorce advice for stay-at-home moms is to start planning to return to work. While a judge may award you alimony (commonly called spousal support), it’s not likely to last forever – and even if it would last forever, it may not be enough to support yourself in the lifestyle you want. A lot of stay-at-home moms end up going back to work during or after divorce, and you may be one of them. Brush up your resume and start looking at jobs that are available – and remember, even if they’re outside your field, they’re still worth considering when you really need to work.

#5. Think about asking for alimony.

You don’t have to ask the court for alimony, but your Stockton divorce attorney might suggest that you do. If the judge sees that you’ve been out of the workforce for a significant amount of time, and that you’re unlikely to be able to return to work right away because you need to get current on your skills, he or she may order your spouse to pay alimony. There are never any guarantees on how a judge will rule, but if you can show a need, the judge in your case may agree that you need – and deserve – spousal support.

Are You a Stay-at-Home Mom Considering Divorce?

If you’re thinking about divorce, or if your spouse has already filed, we may be able to help you. We’ll give you more specific divorce advice for stay-at-home moms, plus case-specific advice that helps you in your unique situation.

Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today.

Divorce

How to Deal With Your Co-Workers During Divorce

September 17, 2019August 13, 2020
by Angie

If you’re like most people going through divorce, you have a lot of company at work – and you know that people like to have water-cooler chats about each other fairly frequently. When you’re the person who’s going through a divorce, you’re going to be a hot topic at work. Here’s how to deal with your co-workers during divorce so you can maintain your sanity (and keep your job).

How to Deal With Your Co-Workers During Divorce

First things first: You should always keep the details of your divorce to yourself, especially at work. Even if your spouse doesn’t know any of the people you work with (which is a great reason to keep quiet in itself), you don’t want to cause yourself any grief now or in the future. Avoid talking about your divorce at work, and if possible, avoid telling many people – keep your personal business confined to your “circle of trust.”

With that said, once your co-workers find out you’re divorcing, you’re likely to be the subject of at least a few conversations… and some people may even approach you and ask you about it directly. Here’s what you can do:

Be open and honest
Maintain a good group dynamic
Keep your family separate from your work

Let’s take a closer look at each of these so you can save yourself a big headache later.

#1. How to Deal With Your Co-Workers During Divorce: Be open and honest.

If people ask you direct questions, it’s okay to be open and honest about what you’re dealing with. However, always avoid:

Bad-mouthing your spouse
Complaining about the process
Discussing what you view as unfair about your divorce
Sharing grisly details with your co-workers

Treat your own situation like you’d treat another person’s major life transition: Keep details to a minimum, but provide truthful answers when you can. (If someone asks you if you’re divorcing because your spouse cheated on you or otherwise gets too personal, politely tell them that you don’t want to discuss the details and you’d appreciate if they’d respect your boundaries. Try to be polite, anyway – we know how it is.)

#2. How to Deal With Your Co-Workers During Divorce: Maintain a good group dynamic.

Every workplace has some kind of group dynamic. You and your co-workers interact every day, so remain committed to your job… even when it’s incredibly tough to focus on your work, you have to miss time because you have to appear in court or meet with your attorney, or you don’t have a sitter for your kids.

There are two reasons you absolutely must do this. One is that when you show everyone you’re still operating normally, and that your current situation isn’t impacting your job performance, people will lose interest in your personal life. The second reason is that even though many employers will realize you’re going through a tough time and provide you with certain accommodations, it’s important to show that you can still perform under pressure – and you’ll be able to keep your job.

If gossip spins out of control, or if you’re experiencing some kind of harassment due to your divorce, you absolutely must talk to a supervisor or your company’s Human Resources department to nip the problem in the bud.

#3. How to Deal With Your Co-Workers During Divorce: Keep your family separate from your work.

Don’t involve your children with people from work until you’ve gotten everything straightened out with their other parent. Naturally, if you have work friends that you see outside work regularly, you should still spend time together – but don’t bring your kids to work functions or worse, take them to work with you when people are still apt to talk about your personal life. You may be unpleasantly surprised at what they’ll hear.

Are You Considering Divorce?

If you’d like to discuss your options and learn about how divorce might be one of them, call us at (209) 989-4425 or get in touch with us online to talk to a lawyer who can help today. We’ll help you with every question you have about divorce, from child custody and child support to alimony and property division.