Should Your Kids See a Therapist During Your Divorce?

August 17, 2019August 14, 2019
by Angie

If you’re like most parents, your main concern during divorce is your children. You want them to come out of the divorce as happy and healthy as possible – and sometimes that means taking them to see a therapist.

So how can you tell if your children need to talk to someone besides you or their peers during your split?

Here’s what you need to know.

Should Your Kids See a Therapist During Your Divorce?

First things first: Nearly everyone can benefit from talking to a counselor or therapist during stressful situations (like divorce). Your children – and you, as well – may find that talking to someone who’s trained to help others cope with divorce is tremendously helpful.

If your kids express a desire to talk to a counselor, that’s great. However, kids don’t always come right out and say what they need – in fact, they may not even know what they need, so it’s up to you to figure it out.

You know your kids better than anyone else does, so you’re more qualified than you might think. Kids who are under stress exhibit pretty clear-cut symptoms, but no two kids are the same – so your parental instincts can tell you when you need to step in.

In pre-teens, watch for signs like:

Aggression or opposition to authority
Concentration problems
Declining school performance
Frequent nightmares
Frequent physical aches and pains
Severe worry or anxiety
Threats of self-harm or suicide

If your child threatens or tries to harm him- or herself, it’s absolutely essential that you talk to a therapist or counselor immediately.

In teens, watch for signs like:

Acting out
Depression
Frequent angry outbursts
Severe mood swings
Self-harm or threats of it
Unusual thoughts, beliefs, feelings or behaviors
Using alcohol or drugs

You can also try to head off issues by seeing a counselor or therapist before you see any signs and symptoms that your children aren’t coping well. While kids might put up a fight – many do, so you’re not alone – that doesn’t mean you should give up if you think they need help. You can let your kids’ therapist know if they’re not really willing to participate in counseling, and the counselor will take it from there.

Does Divorce Harm Kids?

Numerous studies have shown that children of divorce are completely capable of bouncing back – and in many cases, they become stronger and more emotionally resilient than they were before. The vast majority of children have no lasting damage from divorce. They grow up to have normal relationships – despite what their parents worry about – and end up doing just fine.

Kids do go through stress during the divorce, though. It’s a time of big changes, so it’s only natural that they’ll need to decompress.

You can make things easier on your children by:

Sharing only age-appropriate answers when they ask questions. Don’t go into details that your children don’t need to know – and certainly never bad-mouth their other parent, even if he or she is completely at-fault for your current situation.
Refusing to use your kids as messengers. Don’t ask them to carry messages back and forth between you and your ex, because that’s not fair. If you need to communicate with your ex, you can do so in person, over the phone, through text or through email.
Keeping them on a reasonably similar schedule. Kids thrive on routine, which means keeping their schedules as close as they were to pre-divorce schedules is a great idea. Other things are changing, so you want to keep as many things the same as possible.
Co-parenting with your ex. Try to keep rules consistent between both households. You don’t have to consult your ex to make small decisions, but if you can, try to let your kids know that even though you aren’t living together, you’re both still their parents.

Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Divorce Lawyer?

If you’re contemplating divorce, or if your ex has already filed the paperwork, we may be able to help you. We can also refer you to a counselor or therapist who’s experienced in working with divorcing families.

Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today.

Divorce

5 Ways to Help Your Teen Cope With Divorce

November 14, 2017January 17, 2019
by Angie

If you’re like most parents going through divorce, you’re wondering, “Is divorce bad for kids?”

The good news is that although it can be difficult to deal with, children of divorce often bounce back while become more resilient and able to cope with life’s challenges than they were before. That’s particularly true if you’re committed to helping your teen — and using these five tips can keep your family is on the right path.

5 Ways to Help Your Teen Cope With Divorce

You and your soon-to-be ex-spouse can help teenagers cope with the struggles he or she is facing during your divorce. Even if you’ve gotten off to a rough start, it’s not too late to reel things back in and help your child as best you can. Here’s the breakdown:

Keep the peace between you and your spouse.
Don’t involve your children in your divorce.
Talk about (and look forward to) the future.
Help your teen determine his or her strengths.
Try to keep your teen’s life stable and predictable.

1. Keep the Peace to Help Your Teenager Cope With Divorce

Many experts suggest that children whose parents fight frequently (and in front of them) are better off when the two parents split up – and that’s because constant controversy causes a lot of stress, anxiety and other issues.

Teenagers find divorce that much harder when their parents are behaving poorly to each other, too.

That means you and your ex need to set aside your differences, even if only when you’re in front of your teens, so that you can soothe some of your child’s worries and minimize his or her stress. (It’s easier said than done, but it’s well worth it.)

2. Don’t Involve Your Children in Your Divorce

Teenagers are still getting to know themselves, and when parents ask them – or imply that they should – take sides, things become infinitely harder. Your kids need to feel free to spend quality time with either of you without your adult differences interfering in parent-child relationships (on either side).

If you’re struggling to come to terms with hurt you may have caused, or if you need to learn new strategies to help you cope with what you’re going through, you may benefit from talking to a counselor or therapist. The same is true for your children; depression in teens is a serious medical condition, but even if you don’t feel your teen is depressed or anxious in a medical sense, it can’t hurt to talk to an impartial third party.

3. Talk About (and Look Forward to) the Future

A lot of teens worry that their future relationships will be affected by their parents’ divorces, but many also worry about other plans – like college, visiting grandparents over the summer, and other activities that could be impacted by parents trimming down to single-income households.

Talk to your teen about his or her upcoming plans in a positive light. Make sure your child knows that you and your ex are willing to do what it takes to co-parent effectively, including making sure he or she gets a good education and is still able to have a quality family life.

4. Help Your Teen Determine His or Her Strengths

Some teenagers are better at coping with stress than others are, and that’s okay. Help your teen figure out his or her best coping mechanisms and have an “open-door” policy that lets your child know you’re always available to talk about his or her concerns.

Another way to help your teen focus on his or her strengths is to come up with better (or easier) methods of communication. Some kids shut down during conflict, while others dive right into the fray – but you want your child to learn how to effectively communicate through conflicts without picking up bad habits for the future. Experts suggest having a cool-down period before discussing major issues, teaching your teen that his or her concerns matter, or writing letters to parents to avoid face-to-face confrontation or emotional stresses.

5. Try to Keep Your Teen’s Life Stable and Predictable

Teenagers thrive on predictability. It’s how they know what to expect from you and your ex, and how trust is developed. By keeping your teen’s life as stable and predictable as possible, you’ll prevent a tremendous amount of stress and pressure.

Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Divorce Attorney?

If you’re thinking about divorce, or if your spouse has already filed for a divorce, we can help you.

Call a Stockton family law attorney now at 209-910-9865 or contact us online to schedule an appointment today.

Tag: <span>Teens</span>

Should Your Kids See a Therapist During Your Divorce?

Should Your Kids See a Therapist During Your Divorce?

Does Divorce Harm Kids?

Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Divorce Lawyer?

5 Ways to Help Your Teen Cope With Divorce

5 Ways to Help Your Teen Cope With Divorce

1. Keep the Peace to Help Your Teenager Cope With Divorce

2. Don’t Involve Your Children in Your Divorce

3. Talk About (and Look Forward to) the Future

4. Help Your Teen Determine His or Her Strengths

5. Try to Keep Your Teen’s Life Stable and Predictable

Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Divorce Attorney?