The Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children

May 30, 2019August 13, 2020
by Angie

If you’re like many parents considering a marital split, you’re wondering about the long-term effects of divorce on children.

The good news: The vast majority of children are perfectly fine. Some experience a few bumps in the road – but with the right parental attention and, in some cases, counseling or therapy, they’re fine, too.

So what are the long-term effects of divorce on children, and how can you help them through this new phase of their lives? Here’s what you need to know.

Related: Divorce and children

The Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children

Researches have extensively studied the short- and long-term effects that divorce has on kids. The bottom line is that parents who actively try to minimize stresses on their children see more favorable outcomes than those who don’t.

In many cases, divorce is the best choice – not just for the parents, but for the children, as well. That’s because it’s far healthier to raise your children separately (or even on your own) than it is for them to watch a toxic relationship in action. When parents are unhappy, it’s contagious… even when parents think they’re doing a good job of covering it up.

The fact is, too, that more than 40 percent of all marriages end in divorce. When children are younger – still in their formative years – divorce’s effects can be more long-lasting. Research shows that kids of parents who successfully reestablish themselves, either on their own or within a new marriage, can improve children’s quality of life.

Related: 11 good divorce books for kids

But the bottom line is that conflict between parents is what causes the issues kids experience in the first place. For some parents, that conflict sticks around after divorce (sometimes even years later) – and that’s what’s detrimental to kids.

Related: What is co-parenting?

What You Can Do to Minimize the Effects of Divorce on Your Kids

Simply being there for your children and minimizing the amount of conflict they see between you and your spouse can have tremendous positive effects on them. Seeking help immediately when you see signs of trouble is absolutely essential (you can ask your Stockton divorce lawyer for advice on choosing a therapist, too).

You can help your kids in other ways, too, and minimize the long-term effects of your marital break-up by:

Keeping your children on a steady, reliable routine – even if they’re older.
Confining negativity to your own therapy sessions or chats with your friends when your children can’t hear.
Staying involved in your kids’ lives, and insisting that your ex do the same.

Five Things Your Child Wants You to Know During Divorce

Your kids might struggle to put these things into words, but this is what they want you to know:

Don’t say mean things about my other parent. I love you both, and you’re both important to me – and when one of you criticizes the other, I feel defensive and can get angry at the parent who’s saying mean things.
Don’t use me as a messenger. My job is to be a kid, not a courier, and if you have to communicate with my other parent, it’s up to you to call, text or email him or her.
Find a counselor you can talk to if you don’t have other adults in your circle – don’t tell me your stresses or your problems, because I need you to parent me… I can’t be your parent.
Remember that I have to move every few days to see you or my other parent, and that’s not easy. My whole world is different, and it’s going to take me some time to adjust. If you want me to feel like I live in both places, please help me make them both my own – I need toothbrushes, clothes, toys and my favorite foods so I don’t feel like I’m just visiting.
Don’t try to win me over with bribes. Even if I’m young, I can see through them – and even worse, they can damage my relationship with you and my other parent.

Do You Need to Learn More About the Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children, or About Getting a Divorce in California?

If you need to know more about divorce in California, we may be able to help you. Call us at (209) 546-6870 to schedule a consultation with divorce attorney Anna Maples. We’ll answer your questions about child custody, child support and other matters, as well as refer you to local professionals if you need help that we can’t provide, such as divorce counseling or asset management.

Divorce

Effects of Divorce on Kids

March 14, 2018January 17, 2019
by Angie

Experts agree that divorce affects kids, but how, and can they rebound? Here’s what you need to know.

Effects of Divorce on Kids

If you’re like most parents going through a divorce, your primary concern is your kids’ health and happiness. You’re probably worried about whether your split will traumatize your kids – and you’re wondering if there’s anything you can do to make the process (and the aftermath) easier on them.

The good news is that while experts agree divorce affects children, they also agree that there are many things parents can do to help their children bounce back and become more resilient and emotionally strong than ever.

How Does Divorce Affect Kids?

The uncertainty about what’s going to happen next, the conflict they see between their parents, and the disparities in parenting styles after the divorce are most difficult for kids to cope with.

“Divorce introduces a massive change into the life of a boy or girl no matter what the age. Witnessing loss of love between parents, having parents break their marriage commitment, adjusting to going back and forth between two different households, and the daily absence of one parent while living with the other, all create a challenging new family circumstance in which to live,” says Dr. Carl E. Pickhardt, Ph.D.

Kids have to deal with:

Major lifestyle changes
Moving to a different home
Not seeing or spending time with both their parents at the same time

Adjusting to these changes can take a while. Many younger kids fantasize about their parents getting back together, and kids of all ages may blame themselves.

What kids really want is to “feel more connected in a family situation where a major disconnection has occurred,” says Dr. Pickhardt.

You can help, though, by establishing a sense of order and predictability. Know that most kids adjust well over time, and the vast majority have bounced back before two years have elapsed. Kids are resilient!

According to Scientific American, “Children fare better if parents can limit conflict associated with the divorce process or minimize the child’s exposure to it. Further, children who live in the custody of at least one well-functioning parent do better than those whose primary parent is doing poorly.”

To help mitigate the effects of divorce on kids, you can:

Support your children and provide loving, caring environments where kids can share their feelings
Answer questions in age-appropriate, honest ways
Provide emotional support in other areas of the kids’ lives
Stick to the same parenting styles during and after divorce
Provide middle-of-the-road rules; not too strict and not too lax
Make sure your children have social support from their peers
Take children to talk to a counselor or therapist who understands divorce

Your attorney will tell you not to involve your children in the ugly parts of your divorce – you can’t use them as messengers between you and your ex, and you can’t use them as miniature therapists. However, it is important that both parents communicate clearly with kids by answering questions honestly (in age-appropriate ways) and by reassuring children that even though they don’t love each other, they will always love the kids.

Are You a Parent Who Needs Information on Divorce?

We welcome the opportunity to answer your questions about divorce and issues such as custody, child support, spousal support, and the divorce process.

Call us at 209-910-9865 to schedule your divorce case review. You’ll talk to an experienced Stockton divorce lawyer who can give you the advice you need to begin moving forward.

Tag: <span>Kids and Divorce</span>

The Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children

The Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children

What You Can Do to Minimize the Effects of Divorce on Your Kids

Five Things Your Child Wants You to Know During Divorce

Do You Need to Learn More About the Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children, or About Getting a Divorce in California?

Effects of Divorce on Kids

Effects of Divorce on Kids

How Does Divorce Affect Kids?

Are You a Parent Who Needs Information on Divorce?