Tag: <span>Infidelity and Divorce</span>

Dating During Divorce

September 1, 2021
by Briana White

One question that clients sometimes ask us is, “What happens if my spouse is dating during divorce?”

It’s a fair question. Until the ink dries on your order, you’re still technically married, and in many jurisdictions, infidelity can have a significant, detrimental impact on how divorce proceedings shape up—particularly when it comes to things like property division and alimony.

So, what does that mean for you? Do you need to be worried about dating during divorce in California?

We’re glad you asked.

Breaking the Marriage Contract: Fault or No-Fault?

Marriage might mean a lot of things to a lot of people, but for legal professionals it all boils down to a contract; a legally binding agreement for two adults who have decided to share their lives together.

Divorce, then, is the opposite. It is the severing of one life into two, so to speak. When this happens, the marriage contract (which was created on your wedding day), must be broken.

In general, there are two ways to do this: 1) No-fault Divorce, where neither party shoulders blame for the breakup; and 2) Fault Divorce, where the guilty party is held accountable for their role in the marriage’s failure.

Back in the day, pretty much every jurisdiction required you to show proof of fault in order to get a divorce. These days, however, it’s the opposite, with every state now offering some kind of no-fault divorce grounds, and most doing away with fault, altogether.

But how does fault apply to dating during divorce? you might be wondering.

Because, dear reader, in some jurisdictions, dating during divorce could actually trigger a claim for fault-based divorce grounds.

Dating During Divorce and Fault

Fault-based divorce grounds come in a variety of shapes and sizes, from felonies to infertility, and other things in between. However, the one thing that all fault states have on their Naughty List, is infidelity.

Infidelity (or adultery) is when two people engage in sexual relations, and at least one of them is already married… to someone else.

In a fault-based jurisdiction, this could potentially mean the cheater gets less marital property, less alimony, and/or saddled with more than their fair share of marital debt. All of which is meant to penalize them for causing the marriage contract to fail.

Of course, dating during divorce doesn’t always lead to sex, but it often does, and those who do are leaving themselves wide open to grounds for adultery—claims that can have some pretty catastrophic ramifications for cheaters living in a fault-based jurisdiction.

However, luckily for cheaters in the Golden State, California is not one of those jurisdictions.

California and Fault-Based Divorce

California is one of the many states that have completely done away with fault-based divorces. So, not only are you (legally) permitted to commit adultery to your heart’s content, you can also date during divorce without having to worry about putting your share of marital property in danger. (Not that we’re promoting adultery or anything, here, because obviously, that’s not cool. We’re just saying that dating isn’t likely to raise any legal red flags.)

The only way cheating might be held against you in divorce court, is if you included an infidelity clause in your prenuptial agreement. So long as the prenup is valid, the court will likely enforce whatever penalties you willingly submitted yourself to when you got married.

That being said, even if you aren’t having sex, there are still a few things you might want to be warry of, if you’re thinking about dating during divorce.

Dating During Divorce in California

Alright, so you’re legally permitted to commit adultery in California. Cool. So, does that mean dating before everything is official never impacts a divorce’s outcome?

Not exactly.

While California courts won’t consider fault—and, by extension, infidelity—when dividing up assets, there are a few things you might want to remember, before powering up your Tinder profile…

1. Marital Money Doesn’t Belong to You, Alone

California courts might not penalize you for having an affair, but that doesn’t mean you’re free to spend marital assets on your new squeeze.

California is a community property state, which means anything that either of you acquire after marriage, belongs to both of you equally—no matter whose name is on that paycheck. This means that if your divorce isn’t finalized yet, you’re not just spending your money on your dates. You’re spending your spouse’s money, too. (Awkward.)

Hence, your judge will likely require you to reimburse whatever money you spent on dates before divvying up marital property. And, depending on how discreet you were (and how long you were dating before divorce), this could end up being a lot.

2. Don’t Neglect Your Children

Just like dating won’t directly affect marital property, neither will it directly affect your custody arrangement. However, it could have an indirect effect…

In California, custody decisions are made according to the best interest of the child. If you are neglecting your child in favor of your dating life, or if your dating life is exposing them to harm in some way, then the court might think twice about how large a role you should play in your child’s life, post-divorce.

Bottom line? If dating during divorce, keep your priorities straight, and remember that being a parent comes first.

Dating During Divorce: Just Don’t

Like with many things in life, just because you can date during divorce, doesn’t mean you should.

Breaking up with a spouse is extremely stressful. This is someone you once loved enough to say, “I do,” so even if you know it’s the right decision, there will still be a lot of complicated emotions clouding the waters. (Not to mention demands on your time). And those aren’t the most ideal conditions for starting a new relationship.

Do yourself a favor, and simply don’t date during divorce. Your kids need you right now. You need you right now. Wait until everything is finalized; until you’re in the right frame of mind to give your full heart to someone new.

Trust us, you’ll be glad you did.

Divorce Attorneys in California

While dating during divorce is unlikely to have a direct impact on your breakup, it’s not necessarily the best idea—especially when kids are involved. If you have more questions about why, or want to discuss other divorce-related questions, we want to hear from you. Call the Maples team at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online, and let us help this process run smoother for you.

Divorce

Types of Divorce

May 17, 2019May 24, 2019
by Angie

In the state of California, there are several “types” of divorce – but they all lead to one thing: the dissolution of your marriage. The types of divorce people discuss usually refer to the process that leads to the divorce decree.

Types of Divorce in California

When people talk about the different types of divorce, they’re generally referring to things like:

Fault-based and no-fault divorce
Uncontested divorce
Contested divorce
Collaborative divorce

Let’s take a deeper look at each of these types of divorce.

Fault-Based and No-Fault Divorce

California is a no-fault divorce state, which means you don’t have to prove that one party or the other did something wrong in order to end your marriage. Instead, you simply have to tell the court that you and your spouse can no longer remain married because you have irreconcilable differences.

A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that a spouse’s mess-up – like infidelity, for example – will have an impact on the outcome of the divorce. However, that’s not true. Cheating won’t affect the way the courts decide to divide your property or anything else, except in very rare circumstances (such as if your spouse spent all your family’s money on his or her fling, or if your spouse engaged in sexual acts in front of your children).

Uncontested Divorce

An uncontested divorce is one in which both parties are able to agree to all – or at least most – of the major issues involved. That includes things like:

Sometimes couples are able to agree to these things through mediation (which can be part of a collaborative divorce, as well), but sometimes they go back-and-forth without assistance and reach agreements on all the major issues on their own.

In an uncontested divorce, when both spouses agree on big issues, the judge will generally sign off on the couple’s arrangement – as long as it’s fair to both parties and the children involved. If it’s not fair to everyone (at least reasonably fair, that is), the judge isn’t going to agree and will most likely tell the parties to reach a new agreement or make decisions for the couple.

Related: What is divorce mediation?

Contested Divorce

A contested divorce is one in which the parties can’t reach agreements on the important issues. For example, if a couple is fine with dividing property but can’t agree on who gets the kids and when, the custody part of the divorce is contested.

It’s almost always better for couples to reach these important decisions on their own. If you and your spouse can’t agree, you’ll end up forcing the judge to decide – and usually, that happens after spending a lot of time in court (and a lot of money on lawyer’s fees). Litigating is typically more stressful than dealing with your spouse for a limited amount of time, too.

However, there are some cases in which it’s absolutely necessary to litigate. When one spouse is completely uncooperative and won’t budge (and won’t work with a mediator), for example, you don’t have a choice. In that case, you need an exceptionally tough Stockton divorce attorney in your corner.

Collaborative Divorce

Collaborative divorce, while it’s not right for everyone, is the type of divorce that leaves both parties feeling reasonably satisfied with the outcome. In a collaborative divorce, the two spouses agree to work together to find solutions for all the major issues. Sometimes they work with mediators, and sometimes they don’t – but the bottom line is that a collaborative divorce requires input and a lot of give-and-take from both parties.

Related: Divorce mediation checklist

Do You Need to Learn More About These Types of Divorce?

If you’re in Stockton and you’re considering divorce – or if your spouse has already filed for divorce – we may be able to help you.

Call us right now at (209) 546-6870 to schedule a consultation with divorce attorney Anna Maples. We’ll answer your questions about child custody, child support and other matters, as well as refer you to local professionals if you need help that we can’t provide, such as divorce counseling or asset management.

Divorce

California Alimony Laws and Infidelity

February 12, 2019May 24, 2019
by Angie

The sad truth is that people cheat – and that cheating often leads to divorce.

But how do California alimony laws treat infidelity?

Here’s what you need to know.

California Alimony Laws and Infidelity

Divorce after infidelity is incredibly painful. If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you know exactly what we’re talking about. First things first: We’re very sorry you’re going through this, and we want you to know that we’re here to fight for everything you deserve.

If you’re like many people, you need to know about spousal support – and how infidelity is covered under California alimony laws.

Related: Alimony in California After a Long-Term Marriage

No-Fault Divorce and Alimony

California is a no-fault divorce state, which means you don’t have to show the court that your partner is at-fault for your split in order to obtain a divorce. You only have to show the court that you and your spouse have irreconcilable differences. That means you can’t resolve your issues and you no longer wish to continue your marriage – your relationship has gone past the point of no return, and you’re unwilling or unable to save it. That’s true even if you or your spouse had an extramarital affair; you don’t even need to bring it up in court.

When it comes to alimony, adultery doesn’t play a role. A judge can’t say, “Well, your husband cheated on you, so he’ll have to pay twice what I’d ordinarily order.” The judge will look at specific factors to determine how much alimony changes hands. Factors for alimony in California include:

How long you were married
Your needs based on the standard of living established during your marriage
The other spouse’s ability to pay
The age and health of both spouses
Whether one spouse helped the other build a career through education, training and other means

Related: What is Temporary Spousal Support in California?

How California Alimony Laws Deal With Infidelity

There are some ways that your spouse may have to repay you for his or her infidelity, but it doesn’t come in the form of alimony.

Here’s the deal: When your spouse spends your family’s money on his or her affair partner, half of that money belongs to you. California is a community property state, so all the money that your spouse spent was part of your marital estate.

If you can prove what your spouse spent on his or her affair partner, the court could order reimbursement.

On the other side of the coin, if your cheating spouse is living with his or her affair partner but is asking for spousal support, your Stockton divorce attorney can point out that he or she has a decreased need for support. If two people are living together, the expenses can be halved if they both kick in – and that probably means that your soon-to-be ex doesn’t need as much money in spousal support.

Related: Community Property Basics

Infidelity and Your Divorce

Infidelity has long-lasting effects that are tough to move past. You shouldn’t rush yourself, because only you know your healing timetable. You may find it helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you.

The loss of trust between you and your spouse can make it difficult to negotiate, find resolutions and even make good decisions about your own future. You owe it to yourself – and your kids – to practice self-care as you heal from the trauma your spouse inflicted on you.

Related: How Does Adultery Affect Divorce in California?

Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About California Alimony Laws and Infidelity?

If you’re considering divorce because your spouse cheated, you’re not alone – we’re here for you. Call us at 209-546-6870 to schedule a consultation with a Stockton divorce attorney today. We’ll answer your questions on spousal maintenance, child custody and child support, property division and anything else you need to know.

Divorce

How Does Adultery Affect Divorce in California?

December 17, 2018May 24, 2019
by Angie

How does adultery affect divorce in California?

It’s a question we hear often – and it’s one that has a simple answer: It doesn’t.

But that answer isn’t absolute. Here’s what you need to know about how adultery affects divorce in California, whether you’re in Stockton or elsewhere.

How Does Adultery Affect Divorce in California?

Adultery can certainly cause divorce – in fact, it happens every day. But when it comes to hashing out the legal details, adultery (the act of cheating on your spouse) doesn’t have much of an impact on the divorce itself. Keep reading, though, because there are a handful of instances in which the adulterer ends up paying for what he or she did financially.

Adultery and No-Fault Divorce

Always a leader, California was the first state to implement no-fault divorce. What that means is that you don’t have to prove someone was wrong in order to get a divorce here – you just have to assert that your marriage is irretrievably broken and nothing’s going to fix it.

If you walk into court and say, “My spouse cheated and I want him to pay,” the court can’t do anything but work through the divorce settlement you and your attorney have proposed.

Judges can’t make a cheating spouse pay because he or she strayed.

That is, unless your spouse blew your life savings on a paramour, or his or her affair affected your children.

When Your Spouse Spends Money on His or Her Affair Partner

If your spouse has spent big bucks on his or her affair partner, you have every right to be mad – you should be mad, because some of the money he or she spent belonged to you. You and your spouse equally own everything either of you acquired during your marriage, and that includes the money in your bank account. When your cheating spouse spends money on his or her affair partner, that cash is coming from your marital estate.

And while a judge can’t give you more property because your spouse cheated, he or she can make your spouse reimburse your marital estate for half the money that went toward the affair partner.

The catch: You have to prove what your spouse spent. It might be easy if your soon-to-be ex wrote a check to a car dealership, but littler things, like hotel stays and dates, might be tougher to prove. If your spouse spent a bunch of cash on his or her affair partner, let your divorce attorney know – you may be able to ask the court to order your spouse to reimburse your marital estate for it.

A Word on Spousal Support and Infidelity

The court can’t punish someone for cheating by ordering him or her to pay alimony – but the courts can consider a decreased need for support. If the cheating spouse is demanding alimony but lives with his or her affair partner, he or she likely has less of a need for support because the affair partner should be kicking in to pay some bills.

When Your Spouse’s Affair Affected Your Kids

California custody law doesn’t care that your spouse cheated on you. In fact, custody is almost completely untouched by unfaithfulness – what’s most important is what’s best for the kids, and in the vast majority of cases, that’s having good, quality time with both parents. The only way infidelity is going to have an impact on child custody is if the affair changed the cheating partner’s fitness as a parent, such as engaging in sexual acts in front of them.

Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About How Adultery Affects Divorce in California?

If you need to talk to an attorney about the ways adultery affects divorce in California, we’re here to help.

Call us at (209) 989-4425 or get in touch with us online to talk to a lawyer who can help today. We’ll help you with every aspect of your divorce, from child custody and child support to alimony and property division. We can also refer you to a divorce therapist who can help you work through the emotions you’re experiencing.

My Wife Cheated On Me and I Want a…

December 6, 2018January 17, 2019
by Angie

“My wife cheated on me and I want a divorce.”

It’s something we hear frequently in our law office – and in the vast majority of cases, we can help.

When your spouse cheats on you, it’s an exceptionally painful experience. And it’s hard to think clearly for days, weeks or even months after you discover her infidelity.

But if you’re like many men, deciding to divorce after infidelity is the only option.

When Your Wife Cheats on You and You Want a Divorce

Your first step is to talk to a Stockton divorce attorney. You don’t have to commit to anything, but you do need to learn about your options. Talking to a lawyer doesn’t mean you have to get a divorce; it just lets you get a professional legal opinion on your case. The attorney you talk to will be able to explain what happens next, how the divorce process works and what you should do if you want to protect your assets. She’ll also explain how things like property division and child custody work. Under California law, your divorce can go one of two ways: contested or uncontested. Regardless of whether your divorce is contested or uncontested, you can get a divorce even if your spouse doesn’t want to.

Contested divorce is a divorce in which one spouse doesn’t agree with the terms of the divorce. An uncontested divorce is one in which you both agree to the terms of the divorce.

My Wife Cheated on Me and I Want a Divorce: Does Infidelity Matter?

In the state of California, people get no-fault divorces. That means you don’t have to show the court that your spouse was unfaithful in order for a judge to grant your divorce. California courts aren’t supposed to consider cheating when it comes to granting the divorce. However, the judge may consider your wife’s cheating when it comes to the financial impact it had on you. Judges are also allowed to consider the impact your wife’s cheating had on your children, but it doesn’t happen very often.

Infidelity and Property Division

Although your wife cheated on you, she’s not going to lose out on the property settlement. California is a community property state, which means anything you acquired during your marriage needs to be split fairly. (The things you each brought into your marriage, as well as gifts and inheritances intended for only one of you, are considered separate property and typically belong only to the original owner.) The same is true with division of debts – some are community, and some are separate.

Cheating and Alimony

A lot of men have to deal with a cheating wife who asks for alimony. And while the family court system can’t punish a woman who cheated by denying her alimony – the law only allows the court to consider financial need – the judge in your case can award her less alimony if she’s living with her affair partner. That’s because living with someone else decreases her need for financial support. If your unfaithful wife is living with her affair partner (or anyone else) before your divorce is final, and certainly after your divorce is final, let your attorney know.

Can a Cheating Wife Get Child Custody?

California only bases child custody decisions on what’s best for the kids. Even after your wife cheated on you, the courts won’t necessarily think she’s a bad mom or she’s bad for the kids. The only time that the courts will consider infidelity in custody is when she does something that affects her fitness as a parent, such as engaging in sexual acts around the kids.

If Your Wife Cheated On You and You Want a Divorce…

When your wife cheats on you and you want a divorce, we’re here to help. It’s completely normal to end a relationship after infidelity; in fact, some people say a relationship can never bounce back after cheating.

Call us right now at (209) 989-4425 or get in touch with us online to talk to a Stockton divorce attorney and learn about your options. We’ll help you with every aspect of your divorce, from child custody and child support to alimony and property division. We can even refer you to a local therapist who focuses on divorce and the issues it creates.

Divorce

Should You Divorce a Cheating Spouse?

September 5, 2017May 24, 2019
by Angie

If you’ve been the victim of infidelity, which can shatter the foundation of a marriage, nobody can tell you whether you should stay or go—and that’s the tough part. You’re caught in a period of questioning your own identity, and you just wish there was a clear-cut answer to whether your marriage can survive your spouse’s betrayal.

Only you can make the decision to divorce or work things out with your spouse after he or she has so callously and cruelly disregarded your feelings. However, you have to make the decision logically (and keep the “big picture” in mind, all the time… even when it’s tough).

Logical Decisions You Need to Make About Divorce After Your Spouse Cheats

Some people have a zero-tolerance policy on cheating: One episode and the marriage is over.

Others see infidelity as more of a gray area and choose to stay and work on the marriage.

Many people don’t know immediately what the right decision is. It can take months for the reality of the affair to sink in, and experts suggest not making any rash decisions when you’re dealing with raw emotions.

However, in addition to the deeper questions about your marriage, trust, and whether you can still love your partner, you need to evaluate your new—and unwelcome—situation logically.

Ask yourself:

Can you afford to live on your own, with just one income? Would you be entitled to spousal support?
Realistically, would you or your ex keep possession of your marital home?
Where would your children live, and how much would you or your ex pay in child support?
Would you have to move to another city, or even another state, so you’d have a support network in place?
How reasonable is your spouse when it comes to negotiation? (Sometimes remorseful spouses can be more reasonable than unrepentant ones, which is something to keep in mind if you choose to divorce.)
How will your children deal with the news of a split? Do you have a counselor or therapist you—and your children—can talk to?
What can you do to protect your assets if you choose to divorce?

Financial Considerations

If you’re not currently working and your spouse is, you may not be financially prepared for divorce. You can’t count on spousal support or child support until you have a signed court order in your hands, no matter what your spouse promises to pay you or what he or she has given you in the past.

Talk to your Stockton divorce attorney about your options if you’re out of the workforce. You may have to begin working before you file for divorce.

Your home falls under “financial considerations,” too. The person who takes over the marital home generally assumes the payments for it, and all the utilities, repairs, insurance, and other bills come along with it.

You’ll also have to weigh your financial considerations against your ability to forgive your spouse. Nobody wants to live with the unfair consequences of a spouse’s affair—especially the victimized spouse—but if you have to choose between struggling a little financially and living the rest of your life with the misery of what your husband or wife has done, your choice may become a bit easier.

Where Would Your Children Live?

California law is very clear about being fair to the children when it comes to quality time with each parent. However, in many situations, parents aren’t able to reasonably divide every day in half for the kids; many families have custody plans that involve visitation at one parent’s house with the children’s primary residence at the other parent’s house.

The court’s responsibility, above all, is the best interests of the child.

As you contemplate divorcing your unfaithful spouse, think about possible outcomes for your children. Would they keep living with you or primarily live with your spouse? What would be best for them? (As a side note, most experts agree that divorce is better for children when the parents can’t, or won’t, get along.)

Getting Far Enough Past Your Emotions to Think Logically

It takes time—sometimes a lot of time—for the raw emotions to subside. While you’re still on that roller coaster, you should avoid making any permanent decisions (even the decision to stay is a permanent one). It’s tough to see through your emotions and look at the logical consequences of what your spouse’s infidelity has done. Talking to a therapist or counselor can help you sort through your emotions and make the best possible decision for you and your children.

Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Divorce Attorney?

If you’re contemplating divorce and need to talk to a lawyer who understands, call us at 209-910-9865 or get in touch with us online for a divorce case evaluation. We’ll talk about your situation and start developing a strategy that gets you—and your kids—the best possible outcome.