Halloween During Divorce: How to Help Your Kids

October 6, 2019July 6, 2020
by Angie

If you’re like most parents, the only thing you want for your kids is their happiness – and when the holidays start to roll around, you worry a little bit (or a lot) more. The holiday season is right around the corner, and if you’re going through a divorce, or if you’ve just received your divorce decree and this is your first Halloween flying solo, here’s how you and your ex can help the kids have a great holiday.

Halloween During Divorce: How to Help Your Kids Have a Great Holiday

While you may not be great at co-parenting just yet, holidays like Halloween are definitely times to practice your skills. Even if you’re not actively co-parenting, it’s pretty likely that you and your ex have worked out an arrangement on who gets the kids on which holidays.

Whether or not Halloween is your turn, you can still be supportive of your kids – and of their relationship with their other parent.

Planning ahead is the key. That way, even though your kids’ situations have changed due to the split, they can still enjoy the festivities.

Use these tips to make sure this Halloween is a good one for your children:

Be prepared to cooperate with your ex.
Make a plan.
Figure out which parent has the responsibility of getting together costumes, even if it’s not the parent who’s taking the kids trick-or-treating.
Set ground rules for your kids that you will both enforce.
Start thinking about next year.

Let’s take a closer look at each of these.

#1. Be prepared to cooperate with your ex.

As always, your kids come first. During the holidays, while it’s tough to face the prospect of spending time without your children (and letting your ex have all the fun), it’s important that you do what’s fair to them.

Be ready to cooperate with your ex, whether you have Halloween outlined in your custody agreement or not. If they’re old enough, you can even ask your kids where they’d prefer to be or which parent they’d like to bring trick-or-treating.

#2. Make a plan.

Talk to your ex. Stay calm and rational, and let him or her know what you think the plan should be. If Halloween isn’t addressed in your custody agreement, you can discuss who will have the children that day – and find out whether your ex has any input. For example, if you have the kids on Halloween, maybe you’re willing to let your ex take them trick-or-treating (or vice-versa). If you’re not willing to, that’s okay, too; however, that could mean your ex will reserve future holidays that aren’t in your parenting time agreement for him- or herself, too.

#3. Figure out which parent has the responsibility of getting together costumes, even if it’s not the parent who’s taking the kids trick-or-treating.

If you have the kids most of the time, it might be more practical for you to put together costumes. You can offer – or ask your ex – to pay for the supplies, or you can take full responsibility. It’s between you and your ex, but remember that this is a great opportunity for you two to work together to co-parent your children.

#4. Set ground rules for your kids that you will both enforce.

When the kids are old enough to trick-or-treat on their own, make sure you discuss the rules with your ex. It doesn’t matter if you’ll have the children on Halloween or your ex will – what matters is that you both agree to the rules you’re going to put in place for your kids, and that you’ll both be willing to enforce them. (That includes enforcing penalties for violations, such as when your kids come back too late and get grounded.)

#5. Start thinking about next year.

If you have the kids on Halloween this year, offer to let your ex have them next year – or ask if you can have them next year if he or she has them this year. These small trade-offs can make a lot of headway when it comes to cooperative parenting, and really, that’s what’s best for your children.

Are You Considering Divorce?

If you’re thinking about divorce, or if your spouse has already filed, we may be able to help you.

Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today.

Divorce

7 Tips for Surviving the Holidays During Divorce

October 1, 2018January 17, 2019
by Angie

The holidays are right around the corner, and if you’re like most people going through divorce, you’re not exactly looking forward to them.

But you can still enjoy this holiday season – and these seven tips can help take away the dread, even if you’re right in the middle of your divorce.

7 Tips for Surviving the Holidays During Divorce

For many people, part of the dread of divorce comes from no longer sharing tradition with a former spouse; for others, it’s just added stress during an already-tough time. No matter which camp you fall into – or if you’re in both, or another entirely – these seven tips for surviving the holidays during divorce can help you through.

1. Make new family traditions.

Everything changes during divorce, whether or not you have children. But if you do have children, it’s important that you try to blend the family traditions of yesteryear in with your new traditions. Even if it’s something small – like watching a special movie on Thanksgiving morning or creating family handprints on Christmas Eve – it’s important to create something that you and your children can share in the coming years.

2. Ditch the guilt.

A lot of parents feel guilty about changing the holidays for the kids – but don’t become one of them. Different isn’t wrong; it’s just different. If your kids see you lamenting what’s changed and not enjoying the holidays, they’ll take that on themselves. However, when they see you embracing the new traditions and enjoying yourself just by being with them, they won’t be able to help enjoying themselves, too.

3. Try to cooperate with your ex.

You and your ex both have the same goal for your children: You want them to enjoy the holidays, the time off school, and time with family and friends. If you can, try to cooperate as much as you can. If you plan on spending time with extended family, make time for both – that way, your kids get to see all the grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and other family members they love, and they’ll get the most from every holiday. Maybe you’ll both spend time with the kids on Christmas, or you’ll alternate holidays; no matter what you decide, it’ll be the right thing as long as you both have your kids’ best interests in mind.

4. Don’t spend the holidays alone.

If you’re the ruminating type (and sometimes even if you’re not), one of the worst things you can do is spend the holidays alone. Don’t avoid your family and friends, especially during your first holidays during or after the divorce. Make plans with people you care about, whether or not you have children. You can invite family, friends and coworkers to your house or find a support group, or even better: You can volunteer at a homeless shelter, bring food to people who need it, or do something else to give back to the community. That way, you won’t be alone with your thoughts – and you’ll do some good for others, too.

5. Embrace what you love about the holidays.

Figure out what puts you in the mood to celebrate – Christmas music, decorating, planning menus – and dive into it with your whole heart. See what else you can do to squeeze all the enjoyment you can out of the holiday season!

7. Take one holiday at a time.

The holidays seem overwhelming in October, but realistically, they’re pretty spread out (other than Christmas and New Year’s Eve). Only think about one holiday at a time, even if it seems like a huge blur. Try not to multi-task; besides, if this is your first or second holiday during or after divorce, you’ll probably want to spread things out to occupy your time.

8. Keep the ghosts of holidays past where they belong: in the past.

Sure, we all reminisce during the holidays – but this year, avoid visiting places where you have holiday memories that involve your ex. Try to avoid getting sucked into your memories of what used to be and start making new memories for your even better future.

Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Divorce Lawyer?

If you’re contemplating divorce, you’re ready to file, or your ex has already filed, call us at (209) 989-4425 or get in touch with us online to talk to a lawyer who can help today. We’ll help you with every aspect of your divorce, from child custody and child support to alimony and property division.

Tag: <span>Halloween</span>

Halloween During Divorce: How to Help Your Kids

Halloween During Divorce: How to Help Your Kids Have a Great Holiday

#1. Be prepared to cooperate with your ex.

#2. Make a plan.

#3. Figure out which parent has the responsibility of getting together costumes, even if it’s not the parent who’s taking the kids trick-or-treating.

#4. Set ground rules for your kids that you will both enforce.

#5. Start thinking about next year.

Are You Considering Divorce?

7 Tips for Surviving the Holidays During Divorce

7 Tips for Surviving the Holidays During Divorce

1. Make new family traditions.

2. Ditch the guilt.

3. Try to cooperate with your ex.

4. Don’t spend the holidays alone.

5. Embrace what you love about the holidays.

7. Take one holiday at a time.

8. Keep the ghosts of holidays past where they belong: in the past.

Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Divorce Lawyer?