Divorce Stress: How 2 Navigate the Storm

September 5, 2024September 5, 2024
by Dr. Thomas Maples

Divorce is one of life’s most stressful experiences. The emotional turmoil and significant life changes can leave individuals feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable. Understanding the most common sources of stress during divorce can better prepare you to cope with this challenging period.

1. Emotional Turmoil

The end of a marriage often triggers a rollercoaster of emotions – sadness, anger, guilt, fear, anxiety, and loneliness are just a few. These emotions can be intense and unpredictable, making it difficult to function normally. The loss of companionship and the shattered dreams of the future can lead to feelings of grief and despair. If you find yourself having emotional difficulties, this is normal. However, you may sometimes need to seek help outside of your attorney when dealing with the complex emotions that arise during and after your divorce. If this is the case, you may want to consider seeing a marriage and family therapist or counselor to help you navigate the emotional landscape that occurs during a divorce.

2. Financial Strain

Divorce often leads to a significant decrease in financial resources, especially if a spouse is financially dependent during the marriage. Legal fees, dividing assets, and establishing two separate households can create considerable financial strain. Furthermore, the fears associated with financial uncertainty can create a snowball effect because financial insecurity affects nearly every other life domain including relational, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Working with a team, including your family law attorney, financial planner, and a personal well-being coach or therapist can help you navigate the stressors commonly associated with the burdens financial stress can create.

3. Child Custody Battles

For couples with children, child custody battles can be one of the most stressful aspects of divorce. The legal process, the emotional impact on the children, and the fear of losing time with them can cause immense anxiety and stress for both parents. Many times, child custody problems also lead to issues around support and other financial stressors listed above. When facing child custody and support problems, it is imperative to hire a competent attorney who is well-versed in the complexities of family law matters. That is where our team at Maples Family Law can help.

5. Legal Complexities

Divorce entails a complex and often intimidating legal process involving paperwork, court appearances, and negotiations. The need to protect legal and financial interests can lead to emotionally charged negotiations, contributing to the stress associated with divorce. Individuals should assess their strengths and seek assistance from professionals to navigate the legal complexities and emotional challenges of divorce successfully.

6. Coping with Stress During Divorce

While divorce is undeniably stressful, there are ways to cope and navigate this challenging period:

Seek Legal Guidance: Consult with an experienced divorce attorney to understand your rights and navigate the legal process.

Seek Professional Help: Therapists can provide emotional support and coping strategies.

Build a Support System: Lean on friends, family, or support groups for understanding and encouragement.

Practice Self-Care: Prioritize sleep, exercise, and healthy eating to maintain physical and emotional well-being. Listen to inspirational Podcasts or read inspirational blogs to help you understand and navigate your emotions while creating a new direction for your life.

Focus on the Future: Set goals and visualize a positive future to maintain hope and motivation.

7. Conclusion

The most common sources of stress during divorce include emotional turmoil, financial strain, child custody battles, and legal complexities. Emotional turmoil involves a rollercoaster of emotions like sadness, anger, and loneliness. Financial strain arises from decreased resources, legal fees, and establishing separate households. Child custody battles can be incredibly stressful, involving legal processes and emotional impact on children. Legal complexities, including paperwork and negotiations, can also contribute to stress.

Coping mechanisms include seeking legal guidance and professional help, building a support system, practicing self-care, and focusing on the future.

More from Dr. Thomas Maples

A Sacred Journey Podcast

Divorce

5 High-Asset Divorce Mistakes You Can’t Afford to Make

May 12, 2019May 10, 2019
by Angie

High-asset divorces can be incredibly contentious – and unfortunately, when there’s a lot of back-and-forth, people make mistakes. But making a mistake in a high-asset divorce can cost you for the rest of your life, so it’s important that you’re aware of the potential pitfalls and that you know how to steer clear to protect your assets.

Check out these five high-asset divorce mistakes so you know how to protect yourself – and your future.

5 High-Asset Divorce Mistakes: What NOT to Do

The most common high-asset divorce mistakes we see in our offices include things like:

Letting emotions rule over logic
Making rush decisions just to get the divorce over with
Hiding assets from one spouse
Failing to consider tax consequences
Going straight to litigation rather than negotiation

Here’s what you need to know about each of these high-asset divorce mistakes.

High-Asset Divorce Mistake #1: Letting Emotions Rule Over Logic

Divorce is an emotional process, whether it’s due to infidelity or anything else – and that can make it tough to make logical decisions. However, now is the most important time to focus on what’s most important: your future.

It’s not uncommon for one party in a divorce to feel guilty about what’s happening, but it’s a big mistake to let that guilt guide the decision-making process. For example, if you feel bad and agree to give your spouse double the spousal support he or she would ordinarily receive, or you decide to hand over more than half your marital assets, you’re cutting into your own future.

On the other side of the coin, you can’t use the court system to exact revenge on your spouse. Divorce is a legal process, and if you try to use the legal system to get back at your ex for what he or she has done, it’s more than likely going to backfire on you.

High-Asset Divorce Mistake #2: Making Rush Decisions

In many cases, both parties just want the divorce to end – and they’re willing to make less-than-informed decisions in an effort to wrap things up quickly. There are several reasons people want to rush through divorce, such as hoping the divorce will attract less media attention or simply wanting to be done with a spouse they can’t stand any longer.

Unfortunately, though, you can’t rush through a divorce and cover all your bases. You need to take the time to avoid making serious mistakes that will cost you long after your divorce is final.

High-Asset Divorce Mistake #3: Hiding Assets

In some cases, one spouse hides assets from the court so he or she doesn’t have to split them. California is a community property state, which means the assets you accumulate during your marriage – in most cases, anyway – belong to both spouses.

Hiding assets can get you into serious hot water with the courts – and in addition to the court finding out about those assets and dividing them anyway, you’ll lose your credibility. The majority of hidden assets are eventually discovered during the divorce process.

High-Asset Divorce Mistake #4: Failing to Consider Tax Consequences

Divorce changes your financial situation – sometimes drastically. Most of the financial transactions that take place during divorce have tax consequences, including the division of retirement accounts and the sale of homes, vehicles and other property.

Your attorney may suggest that you hire a tax professional or another financial expert to help you understand the tax consequences of the financial decisions you make now.

High-Asset Divorce Mistake #5: Going Straight to Litigation

For most people – even in high-asset divorces – negotiation is the way to go. You may not mind spending money on attorney’s fees through litigation, particularly if it means you’re going to “win,” but the vast majority of people who negotiate their own settlements end up being far more satisfied with the outcome than those who litigated in court.

When you and your spouse reach agreements on the major issues surrounding your divorce, including child custody and property division, your divorce will go faster and be less stressful for everyone involved. If you and your spouse can’t reach agreements on your own, your attorney might suggest that you work with a mediator who can help.

Related: What is divorce mediation?

Need to Avoid These Costly High-Asset Divorce Mistakes?

We welcome the opportunity to answer your questions about mediation and divorce-related issues such as custody, child support, spousal support, and the divorce process.

Call us at 209-546-6870 for a divorce case evaluation. You’ll talk to an experienced Stockton divorce lawyer who can give you the advice you need to begin moving forward.

Divorce

How to Prepare for Divorce

February 1, 2019August 3, 2020
by Angie

If you’re like most people who are considering a marital split, you need to know how to prepare for divorce – from finances to breaking the news to your kids. And there’s no question about it: preparing for divorce takes time and resources.

Here’s what you need to know.

How to Prepare for Divorce

Other than the emotional side of divorce, which also requires preparation, you have to think about things like money, your kids and so much more – all while keeping up with your daily obligations. Here are seven steps you need to take to prepare for divorce:

Deal with your emotions
Gather documentation
Consider your job prospects
Make a financial plan
Set goals
Talk to a lawyer about your options
Help your children

1. Deal With Your Emotions

Divorce is a highly emotional process, even if you’ve known it was coming for a long time. Unfortunately, divorce is also a process that requires you to make tough decisions – and big emotions don’t always help you make good choices. For many people, that means talking to a therapist or counselor to help sort things out.

Related: How to Set Boundaries With Your Ex

2. Gather Documentation

When you file for divorce, you’ll need to have several documents that back up your financial claims – like bank statements, income tax returns, pay stubs and credit card statements. You’ll also need birth certificates, your kids’ Social Security numbers and other documents. If you pull all this information together before you talk to an attorney, you’ll be able to find it quickly when he or she needs it.

3. Consider Your Job Prospects

If you haven’t worked in a while, it may be time to start looking for a job. You may also decide it’s time to invest in your education so you can get an even better job once you’re on your own. Talk to your lawyer about what you should do if you’ve been the supported spouse; you might be entitled to spousal support that helps you get on your feet.

4. Make a Financial Plan

You can’t count on spousal support or child support until you have a signed court order in your hand. You need to develop a financial plan – including a budget – that you can work with during and after your divorce. (Again, if you’re not working, talk to your attorney about what you can do.)

It’s also imperative that you understand your family’s finances. You need to know what assets you and your spouse share, how much you owe, and how much money comes in each month.

5. Set Goals

Be realistic when you’re planning your divorce. You need to know what you want out of your divorce – whether it’s a certain amount of time with your children or it has to do with the assets you’ve accumulated during your marriage – and you need to be clear about your goals with your attorney. You can’t expect the judge to order your spouse to award you millions in spousal support payments each month, give you the house and leave your spouse destitute; that’s not realistic, and you’ll only be disappointed (and dissatisfied with a reasonable outcome).

6. Talk to a Lawyer About Your Options

When you’re ready, it’s time to talk to an attorney. Your attorney can answer all your questions and help you through the process, explaining each step.

7. Help Your Children

After you break the news to your kids – which experts suggest doing together, as a couple – it’s your job to help them cope. There are several ways you can do that (like through divorce books for kids, spending extra time together and more), but through it all, the most important thing to do is reassure your kids that you love them and that you’ll always be their parent.

What Can You Not Do During a Divorce?

There’s a pretty significant list of things you shouldn’t do during divorce, but here are five things you really need to steer clear of:

Don’t get into a relationship with someone else.
Don’t catch a “winner-takes-all” attitude.
Don’t involve your children.
Don’t rule out talking to a therapist.
Don’t hide or dispose of assets.

Here’s a quick look at each.

#1. Don’t get into another relationship.

There are myriad reasons you shouldn’t get into another relationship before the ink is dry on your divorce decree (and definitely not before it’s even been signed). One of the most important is your own well-being; you need time to readjust to your new normal. Besides that, if your soon-to-be ex finds out that you’re in a new relationship, your chances of negotiating your own settlement can drop drastically.

#2. Don’t catch a “winner-takes-all” attitude.

Divorce isn’t a contest. You’re both just trying to make it out with a reasonable outcome, so you both have to act that way. If you try to use the legal system to “win” and to make your spouse “lose,” you’re not going to get very far. Judges won’t sign off on things that aren’t fair to both parties.

#3. Don’t involve your children.

Studies show that involving your children in your divorce can be tremendously harmful to their well-being. Instead of using your kids as messengers or worse, using them to hurt your ex, it’s best for them if you reassure them that you’ll both always love them – and that you know it’s important they have relationships with both of you. That way, your kids can bounce back once they adjust to their new circumstances.

Related: Divorce with kids

#4. Don’t rule out talking to a therapist.

Everybody needs support, especially during a tough time like divorce. You, your children and your ex could likely all benefit from talking to a trained professional who can teach you new coping strategies. Your therapist can also give you advice, listen to you vent and help you start planning for the future.

#5. Don’t hide or dispose of assets.

During your divorce, it’s very important that you’re completely honest about your assets – and that you don’t get rid of anything. The courts don’t look to favorably on those who try to cheat the system, and hiding your assets (or disposing of them) can really backfire on you. If you’re wondering if it’s okay to hide money from your spouse, the answer is definitely no.

Related: Hiding assets during divorce

How Do You Secretly Prepare for Divorce?

Unfortunately, sometimes it’s necessary for someone to secretly prepare for divorce. Whether you’re a victim of domestic violence or you’re concerned that your spouse will do something rash (physically or otherwise), it may be in your best interest to keep quiet about your plans until you’re ready to take action.

You can secretly prepare for divorce in many of the same ways that are listed here – you’ll want to prepare yourself emotionally, gather documents, make a financial plan and talk to an attorney about your options. If your safety is an issue, let your attorney know – she’ll be able to provide you with resources you can use to stay safe (and keep your children safe) while you start the process.

Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About How to Prepare for Divorce?

If you’re thinking about divorce, it’s time to prepare. Call us at 209-910-9865 to schedule your consultation with a divorce lawyer – we’ll answer all your questions and start building a strategy that gets you and your kids the best possible outcome.

Divorce

Dealing With Divorce When You Didn’t Initiate the Process

July 10, 2017August 13, 2020
by Angie

If your spouse initiated divorce proceedings before you were ready (or before you had even decided to dissolve your marriage), you have a lot to deal with.

There is good news, though: You’re not alone. Your Stockton divorce lawyer is here to walk you through the entire process, from start to finish, and provide you with the advice you need to move forward toward the best possible outcome. (And while it may not seem like it right now, you can have what’s called a successful divorce, despite the fact that you weren’t ready when it all began.)

Dealing With Divorce When You Didn’t Initiate the Process

First things first: There’s nothing wrong with talking to a qualified, compassionate, and skilled therapist. This is one of the most difficult transitions you’ll ever go through, so if you’re like most people, you’ll benefit tremendously from talking to an impartial third party.

Even if you choose not to talk to a therapist, you can follow some general guidelines to help yourself through this tough time. While nothing erases the pain you’re feeling, practicing good self-care now can help you come out of this stronger and more resilient than you were before the divorce.

Know That Your Feelings Are Okay

Divorce brings on a roller coaster of emotions. You might feel angry, hopeful, frustrated, and confused… all in one day.

That’s okay. It’s normal. It happens to everyone who’s undergoing such a huge transition.

Your emotional roller coaster won’t go on forever; the feelings you’re experiencing will lessen over time. For now, though, let yourself experience these emotions and recognize that this is your mind’s way of working through a difficult situation.

Give Yourself Time to Rest

You deserve a break—and you need one, now more than ever. It’s okay not to function at 100 percent all the time; right now, you might have a tough time being productive, caring for others (including your children), or even taking care of yourself. You’re not a superhero, and nobody expects you to be one right now. That’s why it’s okay to give yourself permission to rest and recharge, even if the house isn’t clean or you’re a little behind at work.

Help Your Children as Best You Can

Helping your kids is one of the hardest parts of divorce. If you’re like many parents, you’re not exactly sure what to say or how to act—but you can help them cope by:

Listening. Your kids may want to talk, and if they do, let them know you’re always available to listen. (If they don’t want to talk, that’s okay, too. Remember that kids can also benefit from meeting with a therapist, especially if they don’t want to open up to you or your spouse.)
Reassuring them. Make sure your children know that the divorce isn’t their fault, and that you and your spouse still love them the same, no matter what.
Responding. When your kids have questions, be honest and give age-appropriate answers. Don’t ever bad-mouth your spouse to your kids or use them as messengers, though.
Keeping routines. Kids of all ages benefit from keeping routines as regular as possible, especially during tough transitions like divorce.
Being consistent. Work with your spouse to agree on across-the-board rules, bedtimes, and other important issues that face your children.

Do You Need to Talk to a Divorce Lawyer in Stockton?

If your spouse has already begun divorce proceedings, call us right away at 209-910-9865 for a divorce consultation with an experienced attorney. We’ll evaluate your situation and start developing a strategy that gets you the best possible outcome right away.

Tag: <span>Emotions</span>

Divorce Stress: How 2 Navigate the Storm

1. Emotional Turmoil

2. Financial Strain

3. Child Custody Battles

5. Legal Complexities

6. Coping with Stress During Divorce

7. Conclusion

More from Dr. Thomas Maples

A Sacred Journey Podcast

5 High-Asset Divorce Mistakes You Can’t Afford to Make

5 High-Asset Divorce Mistakes: What NOT to Do

High-Asset Divorce Mistake #1: Letting Emotions Rule Over Logic

High-Asset Divorce Mistake #2: Making Rush Decisions

High-Asset Divorce Mistake #3: Hiding Assets

High-Asset Divorce Mistake #4: Failing to Consider Tax Consequences

High-Asset Divorce Mistake #5: Going Straight to Litigation

Need to Avoid These Costly High-Asset Divorce Mistakes?

How to Prepare for Divorce

How to Prepare for Divorce

1. Deal With Your Emotions

2. Gather Documentation

3. Consider Your Job Prospects

4. Make a Financial Plan

5. Set Goals

6. Talk to a Lawyer About Your Options

7. Help Your Children

What Can You Not Do During a Divorce?

#1. Don’t get into another relationship.

#2. Don’t catch a “winner-takes-all” attitude.

#3. Don’t involve your children.

#4. Don’t rule out talking to a therapist.

#5. Don’t hide or dispose of assets.

How Do You Secretly Prepare for Divorce?

Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About How to Prepare for Divorce?

Dealing With Divorce When You Didn’t Initiate the Process

Dealing With Divorce When You Didn’t Initiate the Process

Know That Your Feelings Are Okay

Give Yourself Time to Rest

Help Your Children as Best You Can

Do You Need to Talk to a Divorce Lawyer in Stockton?