Negative Effects of Divorce on Children: What You Need…

March 17, 2020August 10, 2020
by Angie

Are there negative effects of divorce on children? What about when they’re very young – like toddlers – or teens? Are there different effects across different age groups? Here’s what you need to know.

Negative Effects of Divorce on Children: What You Need to Know

While no two people will deal with divorce in exactly the same way, we can all agree that there can be some negative effects of divorce on children. However, the effects are nearly always temporary – and in many cases, the positive outcome of a divorce can far outweigh temporary negative effects.

The bottom line is that parental conflict before, during and after a divorce has negative effects on kids. Removing the source of that conflict can have tremendous benefits. It’s also important to remember that children learn how to engage in relationships from their parents, and if you and your spouse can’t stand to be in the same room together without fighting, that’s what your kids are going to absorb.

Related: Divorce with kids

Getting Through the First Year After Divorce

Research has found that the first year after a divorce is the most difficult. However, once your children get back into their daily routines – which can take a significant amount of time – you’ll see that they’re improving. The negative effects they may have experienced might start to fade away.

If you know your children are struggling (or even if they seem to be handling things just fine) it’s a good idea to schedule some time with a counselor or therapist who can help.

Common Negative Effects of Divorce on Kids

Children in different age groups may experience different effects. For example:

Young kids may struggle to understand why they have to go back and forth between two homes. These children might also wrongly deduce that if parents can stop loving each other, they can stop loving kids, too.
Grade-school kids sometimes worry that divorce is their fault. They often connect the dots back to themselves, thinking that they misbehaved so their parents divorced.
Teens can become angry or moody at the changes divorce brings. Sometimes they blame one parent for the divorce, or they might resent both of you for family upheaval.

One of the biggest negative effects a divorce has, though, is that it diminishes daily contact with one parent. Kids feel changes in a big way, so if they’re suddenly seeing one parent more than the other, they can have a tough time dealing with the loss of time. Other things that can stress kids out during divorce include changing schools, moving into a new house, living with a now-single parent who’s stressed, and financial changes.

Kids are typically able to cope with all these issues, but it does take time. And in many cases, external support – like talking to a therapist – is tremendously helpful for everyone involved.

Tips to Reduce the Negative Effects of Divorce on Children

Most experts agree that the best thing you can do for your children is to reassure them that you both love them (and that will never change) – and to let them know that you’re always there for them, whether they want to talk, cry or ask questions.

Use these eight tips to help minimize the negative effects your children experience:

Use consistent discipline in both households.
Don’t put your children in the middle of parental disputes or conflict.
Try to co-parent peacefully
Help your child feel safe and secure
Maintain a healthy relationship with your child
Keep a close eye on your kids and their emotional states
Teach your children coping skills (a therapist can help you with this)
Empower your child

Do You Need to Talk to an Attorney About Divorcing With Children?

There are some negative effects of divorce on children, but they’re usually temporary – and in many cases, they’re far outweighed by the positive effects divorce can bring.

If you need to talk to an attorney about divorcing with kids, we’re here to help. Call us at (209) 395-1605 to schedule your consultation today. We can answer your questions about all kinds of divorce issues, ranging from child custody and child support to spousal support and basic divorce information.

Divorce

Helping Your Kids Deal With the Effects of Divorce

July 24, 2018August 4, 2020
by Angie

If you’re like most parents going through divorce, you want what’s best for your kids – but how are you supposed to help them through this process?

Helping Your Kids Deal With the Effects of Divorce

There are dozens of great ways you can help your children cope with this situation, like getting them divorce books written just for kids or learning how the divorce is affecting them… but there are many other things you can do that lots of moms and dads overlook. Some of the most important are:

Sheltering kids from visible conflict
Minimizing disruptions to the kids’ routines
Keeping negativity away from the kids
Staying involved with the children’s lives

Sheltering Kids From Visible Conflict During Divorce

The last thing you and your ex should do is fight in front of your children.

“Children rely on their home environment for stability and comfort in order for them to develop emotionally. When there is conflict, it can feel as though their world is crumbling, and their sense of safety and trust becomes compromised. Certain issues that seem trivial to adults are intensified a great deal in the mind of a child,” says Allison Fosberry, M.A.

If you sense a fight brewing, hit the brakes. Wait until your children aren’t around – or, better yet, try your hardest to resolve the conflict without anger. Sometimes working with a therapist can help you learn new (and healthier) ways to deal with conflict.

Minimizing Disruptions to the Kids’ Routines During Divorce

Keeping kids’ routines as stable as possible can be tremendously helpful.

“Create a predictable environment by enforcing structure. After a divorce, children’s routines often fly out the window! Talk to your children about your family’s routines and be clear about what will stay the same and what will change,” says Neil Farber, M.D., Ph.D., CLC, CPT.

Keeping Negativity Away From the Kids During Divorce

It’s easy to let negativity suck you in during divorce – in fact, there are a lot of days where it might be tough to see the “positives.” But keeping it confined to therapy or private conversations away from your children is absolutely necessary.

Staying Involved in Your Children’s Lives During Divorce

Perhaps one of the most important things you can do for your children during (and after) divorce is to stay involved in their lives. Even if your kids don’t seem to want your attention, keep pursuing – they (and you) will be glad you did. Try to make the most of the time you have together and ensure that your kids have their own comfortable spaces in your home, where they always feel welcome and safe.

Do You Need Family Law Help?

We can help you and provide you with case-specific legal advice.

Call 209-546-6870 to schedule a consultation with Stockton divorce attorney Anna Y. Maples today.

Divorce

Effects of Divorce on Kids

March 14, 2018January 17, 2019
by Angie

Experts agree that divorce affects kids, but how, and can they rebound? Here’s what you need to know.

Effects of Divorce on Kids

If you’re like most parents going through a divorce, your primary concern is your kids’ health and happiness. You’re probably worried about whether your split will traumatize your kids – and you’re wondering if there’s anything you can do to make the process (and the aftermath) easier on them.

The good news is that while experts agree divorce affects children, they also agree that there are many things parents can do to help their children bounce back and become more resilient and emotionally strong than ever.

How Does Divorce Affect Kids?

The uncertainty about what’s going to happen next, the conflict they see between their parents, and the disparities in parenting styles after the divorce are most difficult for kids to cope with.

“Divorce introduces a massive change into the life of a boy or girl no matter what the age. Witnessing loss of love between parents, having parents break their marriage commitment, adjusting to going back and forth between two different households, and the daily absence of one parent while living with the other, all create a challenging new family circumstance in which to live,” says Dr. Carl E. Pickhardt, Ph.D.

Kids have to deal with:

Major lifestyle changes
Moving to a different home
Not seeing or spending time with both their parents at the same time

Adjusting to these changes can take a while. Many younger kids fantasize about their parents getting back together, and kids of all ages may blame themselves.

What kids really want is to “feel more connected in a family situation where a major disconnection has occurred,” says Dr. Pickhardt.

You can help, though, by establishing a sense of order and predictability. Know that most kids adjust well over time, and the vast majority have bounced back before two years have elapsed. Kids are resilient!

According to Scientific American, “Children fare better if parents can limit conflict associated with the divorce process or minimize the child’s exposure to it. Further, children who live in the custody of at least one well-functioning parent do better than those whose primary parent is doing poorly.”

To help mitigate the effects of divorce on kids, you can:

Support your children and provide loving, caring environments where kids can share their feelings
Answer questions in age-appropriate, honest ways
Provide emotional support in other areas of the kids’ lives
Stick to the same parenting styles during and after divorce
Provide middle-of-the-road rules; not too strict and not too lax
Make sure your children have social support from their peers
Take children to talk to a counselor or therapist who understands divorce

Your attorney will tell you not to involve your children in the ugly parts of your divorce – you can’t use them as messengers between you and your ex, and you can’t use them as miniature therapists. However, it is important that both parents communicate clearly with kids by answering questions honestly (in age-appropriate ways) and by reassuring children that even though they don’t love each other, they will always love the kids.

Are You a Parent Who Needs Information on Divorce?

We welcome the opportunity to answer your questions about divorce and issues such as custody, child support, spousal support, and the divorce process.

Call us at 209-910-9865 to schedule your divorce case review. You’ll talk to an experienced Stockton divorce lawyer who can give you the advice you need to begin moving forward.

Tag: <span>Effects of Divorce on Kids</span>

Negative Effects of Divorce on Children: What You Need…

Negative Effects of Divorce on Children: What You Need to Know

Getting Through the First Year After Divorce

Common Negative Effects of Divorce on Kids

Tips to Reduce the Negative Effects of Divorce on Children

Do You Need to Talk to an Attorney About Divorcing With Children?

Helping Your Kids Deal With the Effects of Divorce

Helping Your Kids Deal With the Effects of Divorce

Sheltering Kids From Visible Conflict During Divorce

Minimizing Disruptions to the Kids’ Routines During Divorce

Keeping Negativity Away From the Kids During Divorce

Staying Involved in Your Children’s Lives During Divorce

Do You Need Family Law Help?

Effects of Divorce on Kids

Effects of Divorce on Kids

How Does Divorce Affect Kids?

Are You a Parent Who Needs Information on Divorce?