Tag: <span>Divorce Mediation</span>

Why Do I Need an Attorney?

March 29, 2022February 25, 2022
by Briana White

The jury results are in, and the verdict is clear: hiring an attorney is the most expensive part about getting divorced. And not just by a little, either—by a lot.

Between retainers, hourly fees, and other expenses, the price of a good divorce attorney isn’t cheap. And with no concrete way to tell exactly how much your divorce will cost (or how long it’ll take), this leaves many potential clients wondering if they’d be better off not hiring an attorney, altogether.

Unfortunately, this would be a mistake. Because while it’s impossible to tell you exactly what your attorney will cost, what we can tell you is that it will almost certainly be worth it.

For those wondering, “Why do I need an attorney?”, here’s what you need to know about representation, why it’s so important, and what Maples Family Law can do to help you with this important decision.

Why Do I Need an Attorney?

The short answer to this is: you don’t.

According to California family law, you do not have to have an attorney in order to get a divorce. You and your spouse are free to duke things out on your own, draft your own settlement agreement, and can even head to trial without backup.

However, like a lot of things in life, just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

Part legal rights advocate, part therapist, and part divorce trail guide, an attorney is a critical part of any successful divorce squad. And heading into this journey without one would be kind of like sending Frodo on to Mt. Doom without the help of trusty Samwise—or worse, Gandalf.

Hence, whether you are engaging in divorce mediation, collaborative divorce, or want to explore the treacherous path of divorce litigation, here are six reasons why you really do need an attorney.

1. Reducer of Stress

First and foremost, attorneys reduce stress.

Just like you don’t have to worry about things like speed limits when your Über driver is at the wheel, an attorney’s job is to take over legal navigation. When you hire one, you no longer have to worry about all the nitty-gritties of your journey (like deadlines and paperwork and filing fees). Instead, your attorney worries about that for you, freeing up your mental bandwidth, so you can focus on more important things.

2. Communication Buffer

Once you have an attorney, your spouse will be obligated to go through them if they want any information. This means you no longer have to feel obligated to answer your spouse’s call, or to engage with them in pointless, circular, emotional discussions.

The only exception to this, is if a judge initiates a temporary order (about, say, property or child custody), which may require you to occasionally coordinate with one another. Baring the bare minimum required by your judge, however, there’s no other reason you ever need to feel obligated to answer a call or text.

3. Divorce Law Rosetta Stone

Let’s be real, here: divorce law is complicated. The jargon is formal, stilted, and filled with enough long, run-on sentences to drive anyone insane.

Luckily, family lawyers have gone a few rounds in the ring with this type of language, and can now read legal jargon as easily as a child’s bedtime story. Which is great, since it means you don’t have to!

An attorney can help you interpret the law, and apply it to your unique situation in a way that actually makes sense. This will, in turn, save you a lot of time, money, and stress, since there will be a lot of formal information to ferry between parties along the way.

4. Divorce GPS

That education will be good for more than just translating the law… it’ll also be helpful when applying it. Because—believe it or not—when it comes to divorce, you have options.

In California, your first choice will be what type of divorce you want; but the decisions won’t end there. Indeed, your journey will be filled with crossroads, and each choice will have a different result. However, it can be hard to feel right about a decision, when you have no idea where each one leads.

This is where experience comes into play. As one who’s seen it all (or, at least, a lot of it), an attorney is like a really great trail guide—or that GPS app you can’t live without. They help you understand how each choice will affect your divorce, and guide you toward the path that will achieve the best results.

5. Top-Notch Paper Pusher

Paperwork is one of the biggest headaches about divorce—and a huge offender of delays and setbacks.

First off, there’s figuring out which divorce paperwork you need. Next there’s filling then out—which lines you don’t want to miss and what supplemental information you’ll need—and that’s not even getting into where you have to file them and how much you’ll have to pay when you do.

Hiring an attorney is a stress-free fast past to paperwork made easy. Sure, you’ll need to provide information and do the actual signing, but that’s about where it stops. Not only will your attorney make sure you’re filling out the right paperwork, they’ll also make sure it gets filed, too.

6. Risk Mitigation

When it comes to divorce, there are a lot of things that can go wrong. Filing the right paperwork is one of them, but there are also discovery deadlines, financial disclosures, service proofs, and, in some cases, even protective orders that you have to worry about.

All of these things need to be handled within a certain timeframe, and according to very specific protocol. And failure to follow these protocols will—at the very least—result in fines and delays. At most, then can result in a default judgment, the relinquishment of parental rights, or a significant loss of property.

These types of mistakes are avoidable, but only if you know what to watch out for. When you don’t, they can often be costly—sometimes impossible—to reverse. Hence, instead of playing Russian roulette with self-representation, it’s better to hire an attorney.

The right representation mitigates risk by steering you around common pitfalls, not only saving you time and money, but safeguarding your rights, as well.

Wrapping it all Up

While almost every divorce could benefit from an attorney, not everyone will need the same type of services.

For example, a couple that’s chosen an uncontested divorce certainly won’t need the same attorney involvement as a divorce trial. Similarly, spouses with a prenuptial agreement will probably be just fine with mediation.

That being said, all of these couples could benefit from attorney involvement. Just how much, however, depends on your unique circumstances.

A good attorney is the one who caters their legal strategy to fit your needs. They are one who respects your time, your wants, and—perhaps especially—your budget, fighting tirelessly for your rights within whatever parameters you set.

Do You Need A Divorce Attorney in California?

If you have more questions about divorce attorneys in California—and how one might be able to help with your situation—we want to hear from you. Start your divorce process out right by calling Maples Family Law at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online, and let us help your divorce go as smoothly as possible.

Divorce

Final Divorce Order

February 4, 2022
by Briana White

Divorce involves a lot of really important decisions. Which means that—between dividing property, divvying up child custody, and figuring out mortgages (not to mention, family pets)—you’ll have a lot to keep track of, post-divorce.

Luckily, there’s one document that’ll have all the answers: your final divorce order.

A final divorce order is a legal document containing all of the decisions made during your divorce. Once approved by your judge, these terms are non-negotiable, and are fully enforceable under California law.

Here’s what you need to know about final divorce orders in California, and how Maples Family Law can help you get the best results possible.

What is a Final Divorce Order?

In California, a final divorce order (or “divorce decree”) is a document that formally ends your marriage, and is something you’ll receive at the conclusion of your divorce proceedings.

Not to be confused with a “divorce certificate” (which merely acts as proof of your marital dissolution), a divorce decree is a judicial order that contains a summary of all the decisions made during your divorce, including all of the rights and responsibilities that will govern your post-divorce life.

Since every divorce is different, no two final orders will look exactly the same. However, some of the items that may be addressed in your final order could include:

Separate and marital property
Marital debt
Child custody
Visitation schedules
Child support
Alimony

Since a decree is essentially just a summary of your divorce negotiations, these terms shouldn’t surprise you. (If they do, then you should probably notify your attorney, immediately).

Exactly how much control you have in deciding these terms can actually vary significantly, however, depending on what type of divorce you choose.

Divorce Types and Divorce Orders

There are some things about a divorce order that are simply non-negotiable (such as child support minimums, which are set by California law, and can’t be messed with). But there are other areas that you and your spouse can exert control over—some more than others, depending on how well you’re able to communicate—and the type of divorce you choose.

Here’s a closer look.

Uncontested Divorce

In California, the fastest way to a final divorce order is through an uncontested divorce.

In this type of divorce, both spouses agree on all the major terms of their breakup, and, with nothing left to “fight” about, these couples can achieve a split by simply compiling their terms into a “marital settlement agreement.”

To be valid, this agreement must be signed by both parties, and should address your collective decisions about property, alimony, and children (if applicable). At your hearing, a judge will review this paperwork, and incorporate the terms into a final divorce order (so long as your arrangement is fair to both sides).

Although it’s the most direct path to a final divorce order—and offers the most control—this type of divorce generally only works for short marriages, those with very little property and no children.

Divorce Mediation

The next best thing to an uncontested divorce route, is through divorce mediation.

Divorce mediation is an informal negotiation process that takes place outside of court, and is sometimes required if you have children. These meetings are supervised by a neutral, third party “mediator,” who acts as a referee, and helps couples reach a settlement without need of a judge.

If successful, the agreement you reach will be codified into a settlement agreement, and submitted to the court for review (much like in an uncontested divorce). In order to be binding, this document must be signed by both parties, and—for best results—should be overseen (and approved) by your trusted family law attorney.

A judge will review this agreement at your hearing, and—so long as it meets certain requirements (such as state child support minimums)—these terms will be incorporated into a final divorce order.

Another alternative dispute method you might try is collaborative divorce. However, if neither of these options work, you’ll have to proceed on to a divorce trial.

Divorce Litigation

Not only is litigation the longest route to a final divorce order, it’s also the least loved. This is because it’s—by far—the most expensive and time consuming of all divorces. In addition, this path offers couples the least amount of control over their final outcome, and is the most stressful and emotionally draining.

In a divorce trial, both sides gather evidence, which will be presented to the court in an attempt to sway a judge one way or the other. Each and every issue—from property to alimony—must be settled this way. And, at the end of this laborious process, you are presented with a final divorce order that consists of decisions you had very little say in making.

Hence, we suggest avoiding this route, if at all possible.

Enforcing a Final Divorce Order

You may not like them, however, once finalized, the terms of your final divorce order are non-negotiable. In California, divorce orders are fully enforceable, and failure to comply can result in some fairly hefty financial and/or legal consequences.

Some of these consequences could include wage garnishments, fines, liens, arrests, jail time, and even contempt of court (a serious criminal charge that will go on an offender’s permanent record).

Before you head back to court, however, try talking to your ex, first. Oftentimes, noncompliance is a result of a simple understanding, or else vague terms that need clarification, and can be resolved without judicial interference.

If there are legitimate reasons things aren’t working, talk to your attorney about modifying your order. As a general rule, contempt of court should always be a last-ditch resort.

Do You Need Help Finalizing Your California Divorce?

Divorce orders have a huge impact on post-divorce life. This document will govern important financial decisions, influence family dynamics, and affect you for years to come—even into retirement. Which is why it’s so important to make sure it’s drafted correctly, the first time around.

If you have more questions about final divorce orders in California, we want to hear from you. Call the Maples Family Law team at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online, and let us help you negotiate the best terms possible.

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Divorce in California

February 25, 2021February 2, 2021
by Briana White

If you’ve never experienced it before, divorce can be an intimidating process. Between filing the correct forms, locating documents, and keeping track of deadlines, there’s a lot to remember, and, without help, the journey can quickly become overwhelming.

To help you out, this article will walk you through the basic steps of how to get a divorce in California, and how the lawyers at Maples Family Law can make this process easier for you.

Residency Requirements

If you want a divorce, one of the first things you’ll need to do is make sure you meet the residency requirements at both the state and county levels.

In order to file in California, you will need to have lived in the state for at least 6 months. For residents of San Joaquin county, the requirement is three.

If you’ve fallen short in either of these categories, you don’t need to worry. There is a lot of busy work that needs to happen before you file, anyway. While you wait, discuss your situation with a family law attorney, who can make sure you have all the necessary information on hand to hit the ground rolling.

Important Dates

Regardless of what documents are required for your, individual case, two important dates you will certainly need are your: 1) date of marriage; and, 2) date of separation.

These dates are important, because they’re used to help determine your interests in marital property.

California is a community property state. This means that all assets acquired after marriage belong to both of you equally—regardless of whose name is on the paycheck, account, or card. Unless you have a valid prenup saying otherwise, this shared interest continues up until the time of separation.

Determining your date of separation is much simpler, if you and your spouse had a legal separation. Those couples who didn’t make separation official will need to comb through emails, texts, and other informal documents to prove this date to a judge.

Immediate Orders

Another thing to consider before filing, is whether or not you’ll need a temporary order.

Temporary orders are provisional (meaning, they have a set expiration date), and can be used to prohibit certain behaviors or dictate responsibilities while your divorce is pending.

These can be tailored to meet your individual needs, but are often used to:

Dictate parental responsibilities, such as child support, custody, and visitation;
Require spousal support payments; and even,
Outline living arrangements and the bill-paying responsibilities of each spouse.

Temporary orders can be especially useful for those who might be worried about spousal retaliation. In these scenarios, a temporary order can prohibit your spouse from emptying bank accounts, destroying property, and fleeing across state lines with your children.

If physical retaliation is a concern, a Domestic Violence Restraining Order would likely be more appropriate. If the threat of harm is immediate, your attorney may be able to request an Emergency Protective Order on your behalf.

If you are experiencing abuse or domestic violence of any kind, remember that keeping yourself and your children safe is paramount to everything else.

File Documents

After your paperwork is complete, you will need to take your documents to your local family court to file them, and to pay the associated fees. In California, the filing fee for an original petition of divorce is $435.

If you are trying to execute a D.I.Y. divorce, this fee will be your responsibility. Those who utilize an attorney, however, do not need to worry about these technicalities. When you hire a lawyer, they are in charge of making sure all the necessary paperwork is filed on time, and that fees are paid (the amounts of which will be deducted from your retainer).

Serve Your Spouse

Once divorce has been initiated, the next step is to notify your spouse—and this cannot be done with a simple phone call or text message. Proper notification (or “service,” as is the legal term), is done by giving physical copies of all paperwork to your spouse, in person.

As a party to the case, however, you are not allowed to serve divorce papers on your spouse. Other than that, though, the requirements are pretty open, meaning it’s usually not necessary to hire a professional process server.

For service to be proper in California, your server must be:

At least eighteen;
Not affiliated with the case;
Serve papers within sixty days of filing;
Fill out a Proof of Service form; and, finally,
Deliver the Proof of Service to you, so that your attorney can file it with the court.

Failing to complete proper service could put your case in danger of dismissal.

If you are unable to meet the sixty-day timeframe, your attorney can request more time. This extension is often needed by spouses who have been abandoned, and don’t know how to locate their partner. In these situations, the court will sometimes make an exception to in-person delivery, and allow you to utilize another method of service.

Waiting for a Response

Assuming you have executed proper service, your spouse will then have thirty days to respond to your petition. To this end, their options are:

True Default—do nothing, by not engaging or responding to your petition at all;
Uncontested Divorce—do nothing, because you already have a written, notarized agreement outlining your terms;
Respond in Agreement—file a response with the court, confirming agreement with your proposed terms; or,
Respond in Disagreement—file a response with the court contesting your proposed terms.

It is almost never a good idea to allow your case to default—even if you do not want the divorce to happen. Refusing to engage will not stall out proceedings. Instead, the court will simply grant the divorce as though you had agreed to all the terms.

Needless to say, this is almost never in your best interest.

During this thirty-day period, you and your spouse are also free to work out a settlement—either between yourselves, or through mediation. If successful, you can submit a marital settlement agreement with the court, which will then become your official divorce order.

When Issues Can’t Be Resolved

Those who are unable to reach an agreement must engage in litigation.

Divorce litigation is a traditional court trial, where both sides are represented by an attorney, evidence is presented, and the issues are decided by a judge. Litigation is by far the most expensive, time-consuming, and least flexible way to secure a divorce. So it’s usually a good idea to at least try to settle, before proceeding to trial.

Single Status

If you are planning to remarry after your divorce, keep in mind that in California, you are not considered to have reached “single status” until six months and one day from the time of service.

If your divorce has not been finalized within this time, you can file a Single Status Affidavit with the court, which will allow you to proceed, in lieu of a final judgment.

Naturally, you are not automatically divorced, just because six months have passed. In all cases, you will still need to either resolve issues amicably with your spouse, or through the court.

Divorce Lawyers in California

Divorce isn’t simple, which is why so many people choose to hire personal representation. Armed with education and experience, an attorney can guide you around major pitfalls, handle tedious paperwork, and ensure your best interests are being protected at all times. Freeing up your mental energy, so that you can channel it where it’s needed most: your family.

If you have more questions about Divorce in California, and how this process might apply to your situation, we want to hear from you. Call us at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online, and let the team at Maples Family Law help make this process a little easier for you.

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Divorce Mediators in California

December 9, 2020December 10, 2020
by Anna Maples

For those who aren’t familiar with divorce, it can be surprising to get there and learn that there are actually a lot of options when it comes to calling a marriage quits. From the homemade, “do-it-yourself” divorce contracts, to uncontested, collaborative, and all the way to mediation, when it comes to divorce, couples actually have a wide variety of choices, aside from just going to court with judge and gavel. And of these different avenues, mediation is a pretty attractive option for couples hoping to avoid a long, drawn-out legal battle. Both because it can save time and money, and also because it keeps people from having to do things all on their own, a good middle-ground for everyone involved.

If you and your partner are thinking about alternative divorce court options, but don’t want the headache of having to bushwhack your way blindly through a D.I.Y. process, mediation might be just the thing. Here’s what you need to know about divorce mediation in California, and how it could work for you.

Divorce Mediation in California

To kick things off, divorce mediation is a formal meeting (or series of meetings), where both sides sit down to hash out the terms of divorce, under the supervision of a specially trained moderator. This third-party individual acts as a kind of referee during the conversations, guiding the couple through all the decision-making points necessary for finalizing their divorce. These individuals are trained in the law, and some are even former lawyers themselves, making mediation a great way for couples to explore all their divorce options in a less confrontational setting.

If your relationship with your spouse has not eroded past being able to communicate and negotiate respectfully, there are several benefits to choosing mediation over divorce court.

1. Saves Time and Money

One of the obvious benefits to mediation is the amount of time and money saved. By not going to court, couples can finalize their divorce much quicker—sometimes with just one session, completely bypassing the court’s already-overloaded schedule. And of course, less time spent with attorneys means more money in your pocket, overall.

2. Greater Control Over the Outcome

With few exceptions, judges are almost always willing to sign an agreement when the individual parties have compromised on their own. This means couples who mediate can pretty much dictate the divorce agreement however they want, including the terms of hot topic items like custody, visitation, and property division. A system works, because both parties understand that if they demand something that isn’t fair, the other side can always take it to the judge to decide.

3. Helps Family Transition

Divorce is hard on everyone involved but can be especially damaging when children are involved. Mediation is great, in that it bypasses a lot of the toxic finger-pointing and senseless contention that often comes with a court-ordered divorce. Children who see their parents working through problems in a constructive way will feel more secure and have an easier time making the transition into the family’s new normal.

4. Flexible, Confidential, and Non-Binding

The nice thing about mediation is that the proceedings are both confidential and non-binding. Meaning, if you can’t reach an agreement, not only is that okay, but you also don’t have to worry about settlement offers being used against you in court.

5. Your Attorney Can Sit In

Agreeing to work with your spouse in mediation doesn’t mean you have to ditch your attorney, either. Attorneys are allowed and even encouraged to attend mediation with their clients, though, having one present is not technically required. That being said, it’s still a really good idea to bring along your trusty family law attorney, and here’s why.

Attorneys and Divorce Mediation

They’re really expensive, so if you’re not required to have an attorney at divorce mediation, then why in the world would you? Why not just pocket the extra cash, and take your chances in the ring on your own? Well, there are actually a lot of reasons, but here are the ones we think are most important:

1. Training and Experience

With their extensive education and on the job training, lawyers are almost always better at representing an individual’s legal interests than they are on their own. And this is true, even for mediation. While your mediator has passed all the certification requirements needed to hold the job, they’re not technically required to be an attorney. Some choose mediation because of their good negotiating skills, and not necessarily because they’re legal experts. Between law school, the bar, and the competitive nature of the legal industry, your attorney’s knowledge of the law likely surpasses not only yours, but the average mediator’s as well, making them a critical member of your team spirit.

2. Your Attorney Has Your Back

Here’s the thing, no matter how qualified your mediator is, their number one priority is to find a successful resolution to the conflict. It isn’t you. This means, occasionally, your best interests might get sacrificed on the altar of compromise—and sometimes that’s necessary, we aren’t arguing with that. However, with an attorney present, you have the peace of mind in knowing that whatever is being sacrificed really is in your best interest, and not just the mediator’s success rate.

3. Someone to Shield You

Attorneys also make excellent armor for couples who are struggling to play nice. Because while agreeing to mediation is a good first step, divorce is still emotional, no matter which way the cookie crumbles. If you’re worried about the conversations escalating into a fight, try having your attorney do the talking for you. They’ll be able to express your perspective in a diplomatic way that (hopefully) won’t ruffle feathers or push buttons the way only your spouse can.

Divorce Mediators in California

In the end, no matter if you choose mediation, or head straight on into a full-blown court battle, individuals are always free to represent themselves. However, there’s a reason why Miranda rights are required to be read at an arrest before anything can be used in court, and that’s because the average citizen often doesn’t even know what rights they’re entitled to, let alone how to argue for them. So, while hiring an attorney might seem expensive, not having one means you run a high risk of making a lot of mistakes against your own interest—some of which could be irreversible, and end up costing you a lot more in the long run.

If you or a loved one have more questions about divorce mediation in California, we may be able to help. Call us at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online to schedule your consultation, and together we can help tailor a legal strategy that will best fit your unique circumstances.

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Divorce Mediation and Child Custody Tips

December 7, 2020December 7, 2020
by Anna Maples

Mediation can be a time and cost-saving method of resolving divorce disputes, but it can also be tricky, especially when children are involved. If you and your partner have children and are considering divorce mediation, here are ten tips for making your child custody mediation be as successful as possible.

1. Bring Your Schedules

First thing’s first, come to mediation prepared. This means having a handle on not only your schedule, but your child’s as well, including school dates, extracurricular activities, holidays, and any other information that might go into scheduling decisions. Knowing these dates in advance will make your time in mediation more productive, helping you arrive at a conclusion more swiftly and efficiently.

2. Have a Proposed Time-Share

As far as schedules are concerned, it’s not just your current calendar that’s important, but your future endeavors as well. That being said, it’s a good idea to come prepared with a proposed custody plan and visitation schedule already organized. It’s highly unlikely your plan will automatically be approved by your spouse, so be prepared to make changes. Even still, having at least a basic outline will give the mediator a good starting place from which to work.

There are many online tools and apps available to help you with this process, and with the combined aid of these resources—along with your trusty family law attorney—coming up with a plausible solution does not have to be overwhelming as it might sound.

3. Know Your Alternatives

A good plan always has a good backup. When constructing your timeshare schedule, think carefully about all the elements involved, and prioritize your requests accordingly. Know what you’re willing to give up, and what you’re not. Don’t budge on something if you’re truly not comfortable with it, but also be ready with alternative scenarios, in the event your first option gets shot down. Successful negotiations favor the prepared, and having a thoroughly vetted list of preferred alternates at the ready can go a long way toward helping you be happy with the eventual outcome.

4. Listen to Your Mediator’s Suggestions

Despite all your careful planning, the fact is, your mediator will have much more experience than you in dealing with these types of situations, and throughout the day, they will likely bring up ideas for you to consider. Ultimately, some of these suggestions might not end up working out for you. However, listening to them with an open mind can not only help broaden your perspective but also help you avoid common pitfalls of other couples who have come before you.

5. Communicate Firmly, but Respectfully

During mediation, it’s important to be clear about what you want, but try to keep your emotions in check, and to communicate respectfully. Some people find it helpful to view mediation as a business meeting. As most of us already know, in work situations, it doesn’t usually pay to treat people—even the rude ones—with disrespect. The same mentality applies here. Communicate your desires and concerns firmly, but with respect, even if you are being treated poorly. Experienced mediators can usually see through the antics, and know when a request is being made in good faith.

6. Be Willing to Compromise

All that about being firm aside, it’s important to recognize that the mark of a good compromise is when neither party leaves completely satisfied. In “mediation speak,” that means it’s pretty much guaranteed that you won’t leave with everything you want. And that’s okay. You’re in co-parenting territory now, where sharing is even more critical to success than it was during your marriage. Be honest about your own shortcomings, and enter the proceedings mentally prepared to make realistic compromises.

7. It’s About Them, Not You

During the divorce process, pride can often cloud good judgment, making it easy for parents to confuse their own desires with what’s best for their child. Try to leave your ego and personal needs at the door as much as possible. Instead, be honest about what your child needs, and focus on making every decision in their best interest—even if it means not getting what you want, personally. In the end, you and your spouse know your child better than anyone, and whatever agreement you can reach as loving parents is far more likely to meet your child’s individual needs than if a stranger has to make those decisions for you.

8. “Ours,” Not “Mine”

Listen. We know it’s hard not to take cheap shots at your spouse whenever possible, especially when you’re hurting. But it’s important to remember that your child is not just yours. That child belongs to both of you. And chances are, if your spouse is fighting you on custody, then they probably love that child as much as you do. During mediation, try not to be petty. Avoid referring to your child as “mine,” but rather “ours,” and do your best to empathize with your spouse. Doing so can help make it easier to accept decisions that will be mutually beneficial to the whole family, even if they wouldn’t be your first choice.

9. You Don’t Have to Agree

Sometimes, despite everyone’s best efforts, an agreement can’t be reached through mediation. And you know what? That’s okay. Take the pressure off yourself to agree. If you’re not comfortable with the proposed solution, it’s okay to let the court handle things. Even though a judge might not know your child as well as you, they do have the benefit of looking into the relationships with an unbiased perspective, and sometimes that might be exactly what your situation needs.

10. Avoid Social Media

Regardless of whether or not you come to an agreement during divorce mediation, resist the urge to talk about what happened on social media at all costs. Actually, this wisdom can be applied to the entire divorce process. Despite how secure you think your profiles are, they’re never ironclad. And the things people post on social media can—and often do—get used against them when courts make custody decisions. Err on the side of caution. Be classy. Take the high road. And avoid spilling these details into the internet void. In the end, you’ll be glad you did.

Divorce Mediation Attorneys in California

Even if your divorce is amicable, the process of splitting a joint life can be incredibly complicated. Especially when children are involved. If you or a loved one have questions about divorce mediation, and how to prepare for a child custody dispute, our California family law attorneys can help. Call us at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online to schedule your consultation today. Together, we can help your divorce mediation run more smoothly, and ensure the best possible custody arrangement for your child.

Divorce

3 Ways to Simplify Your Divorce (Even Before You…

February 17, 2020August 10, 2020
by Angie

If you’re like most people, you want your divorce to go as smoothly as possible. You’d like to minimize conflict and just make it through with your head above water – and that’s probably true whether you’re just starting to think about a split or you’re riding out California’s 6-month divorce waiting period. The good news: There are three ways you can simplify your divorce right now.

3 Ways to Simplify Your Divorce (Even Before You File)

Check out these three ways you can simplify your divorce:

Get ready to cooperate.
Organize everything.
Start negotiating as early as possible.

Here’s a closer look at each.

#1. Get Ready to Cooperate

You don’t have to get along with your spouse. You don’t even have to spend time in the same room together or have lengthy discussions over the phone.

However, you do need to prepare yourself – and ask your spouse to prepare him- or herself – to cooperate with each other throughout the process.

Cooperating means working together to achieve an outcome you can both live with. It also means co-parenting your children so that they have as much stability and continuity as possible during (and after) your divorce.

If you and your spouse are having a hard time seeing eye-to-eye, your attorney might suggest that you work with a mediator. A mediator is an impartial third party whose sole job is to find common ground. You can mediate every issue in your divorce, from child custody to property division.

Sometimes it’s not possible to cooperate with your spouse, and that’s okay. Some people are naturally combative and won’t budge. If that’s the case, don’t worry. Your Stockton divorce lawyer can still do what it takes to get you the best possible outcome.

Related: What is divorce mediation?

#2. Organize Everything

Gather all your important documents and keep them together to simplify your divorce. You may need things like:

Tax returns
Children’s birth certificates
Social Security numbers
Insurance policies
Bank statements
Pay stubs
Credit card statements
Mortgage documents
Business-related documents
Pension or retirement account statements

Your attorney may need these types of documents throughout your divorce, so if you have everything organized, they’ll be easy to find when the time comes.

You don’t have to keep a paper file folder with this information in it. Instead, you can keep digital copies on your computer or in the cloud. Remember, though, when you have all your documents together, you should take steps to protect them. That might include putting them in a safe (if they’re physical copies) or putting them in a password-protected file on your computer.

Related: The ultimate divorce checklist

#3. Start Negotiating as Early as Possible

You may not feel like negotiating with your spouse, but it’s very important that you try if you want to simplify your divorce. Before you head into negotiations with your spouse, decide what you’ll be okay with – and what you can give up to get what you want.

Commit to choosing your battles. You don’t have to fight for things you don’t want just for the sake of “winning.” A successful divorce is one in which you walk away reasonably satisfied with the outcome.

Incidentally, that’s how a lot of people – even those who don’t want to fight – view divorce. It’s not a win-or-lose battle. It’s the dissolution of a marriage in which both parties need to come away with some concessions. In fact, it’s a lot like a business transaction.

Why Should You Try to Simplify Your Divorce?

The bottom line is that it’s mentally healthier for you to keep your divorce as simple as possible. By extension, it’s better for your children, too. You’ll be less stressed and better equipped to make sound decisions that affect your future.

Are You Ready to Simplify Your Divorce?

If you’re thinking about divorce, or if your spouse has already filed, we may be able to help you. We want you to be able to simplify your divorce, and we’ll do what it takes to get you the best possible outcome.

Call us at (209) 395-1605 for a divorce case evaluation. You’ll talk to an experienced Stockton divorce lawyer who can give you the advice you need to begin moving forward.

Divorce

7 Questions to Ask a Divorce Mediator

February 17, 2019May 24, 2020
by Angie

When you’re going through a divorce, it’s in your best interest to reach agreements with your spouse on important issues like child custody and property division – but if you can’t, your Stockton divorce lawyer will probably suggest that you work with a mediator.

A mediator can help you and your spouse reach fair agreements that you can both live with.

However, you can’t just assume that all mediators are the same – you’ll have to do some homework to find one that works in a style you’re comfortable with. That process starts when you begin calling local mediators (your attorney can refer you to one if you need a little push in the right direction) and asking questions.

Related: What is Divorce Mediation?

7 Questions to Ask a Divorce Mediator

Just like when you hire any other professional, you’ll have to ask the right questions to find out if you’ll be a good “fit” when you hire a mediator. Here are seven questions to ask:

How would you describe your mediation style?
Can I meet with you privately?
Can my attorney come to our meetings?
What happens if my spouse is disrespectful?
What happens if my spouse is dishonest?
How long will it take to complete mediation?
How much will mediation cost?

Related: Divorce Mediation Checklist

#1. How would you describe your mediation style?

There are several mediation styles, so it’s important that you find a professional who uses the one – or the combination – you’re most comfortable with. Some mediators let you hash it out on your own without giving much input, while others prefer to guide you through each issue and make plenty of suggestions.

#2. Can I meet with you privately?

Some mediators will meet with each spouse privately a few times before bringing everyone together, some prefer to keep you both in the same room all the time, and some keep spouses separate the entire time. If you’re not comfortable being in the same room with your spouse, you’ll need a mediator who understands that and is willing to keep you separate.

#3. Can my attorney come to our meetings?

Many people who use mediators to negotiate a settlement also work with their own attorneys. Your mediator should be supportive of your relationship with your lawyer, and should also welcome your lawyer to come with you to the settlement conference.

#4. What happens if my spouse is disrespectful?

You need to know how your mediator will handle the situation if your spouse becomes disrespectful – either of you and the mediator or of the mediation process in general. Most mediators require couples to sign written rules before beginning a conference that say they agree to the importance of mutual respect and promise to refrain from intimidating or threatening behaviors.

#5. What happens if my spouse is dishonest?

Many mediators include honesty as a clause in the initial agreement you’ll all sign before your settlement conference. If your spouse is dishonest about something, how will your mediator handle it? The answer to this question can be exceptionally important, especially if you already know your spouse has a tendency to be dishonest.

#6. How long will it take to complete mediation?

Everyone’s situation is different, but many mediations can be completed fairly quickly. In high-conflict divorces, mediation can take longer – but really, the timeframe should depend on how committed you and your spouse are to reaching resolutions your whole family can live with.

#7. How much will mediation cost?

Before you hire a mediator, find out how he or she bills and what your anticipated total cost will be. Every situation is different, and the longer your mediation takes, the more it’s likely to cost – but in the vast majority of cases, mediation is far more cost-effective than litigation.

Do You Need to Talk to a Divorce Lawyer About Mediation in Your Case?

If you’re thinking about divorce, or if your spouse has already filed, you probably want to talk to a Stockton divorce attorney as soon as you can. Call us at 209-546-6870 to schedule your consultation now.

Child Custody

What is Co-Parenting?

November 7, 2017January 17, 2019
by Angie

When you’re a parent going through a divorce, your primary concern is your kids – their well-being, adjustment and ability to cope are what’s most important to you.

One way to help your kids deal with divorce is to co-parent with your soon-to-be ex-spouse… but what, exactly, does that mean, and what does it require you each to do?

What is Co-Parenting?

Experts say that kids can bounce back from a parental break-up and become more resilient and able to deal with life’s hurdles as a result – and there are plenty of ways you can help your own children through divorce.

In co-parenting, you and your ex still work together to parent your kids. You’re no longer romantically involved, but that doesn’t stop both of you from being involved in raising your kids… or from doing it together. The key idea behind co-parenting is to create a stable and consistent childhood for your kids, and it does that by:

Limiting “parentification.” This lifts the child’s burden of feeling like he or she needs to take care of his or her parents’ feelings.
Maintaining solid relationships with both parents.
Limiting the child’s feeling of being on one parent’s “side.”
Teaching conflict resolution.

How to Make Co-Parenting Work

First things first: You and your ex need to put aside your differences, if only for your kids. You don’t have to agree to anything but raising happy, healthy children.

You may want to enlist a mediator’s help if you’re having a tough time co-parenting with your spouse. You can do it without a mediator, too, although some parents find that having an impartial third party helping them hammer out the details is incredibly helpful.

Co-parenting requires you and your ex to:

Communicate regularly (and politely)
Make decisions together
Share your schedules so you can time things best for the kids

You and your ex will have to decide:

How to handle discipline between your two homes. Consistency is the key here!
Who’s going to make which decisions.
How you’re going to communicate about your children, whether it’s in-person, on the phone, or by email (and if your ex isn’t always reliable, putting everything in email can be extremely helpful).
How you’ll handle last-minute scheduling changes.
What you’ll do when emergencies arise (for you, your ex, or your children).
How you’ll manage extra expenses that child support doesn’t cover.

When Co-Parenting Doesn’t (or is Unlikely to) Work

If your ex is emotionally or physically abusive, co-parenting may not be the best solution for your family right now. If you’re not both invested in co-parenting, it’s not going to work either – so you can save yourselves a lot of trouble by nailing down a parenting time agreement and sticking to it rather than attempting to work (and remain flexible) together.

Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Divorce Attorney?

If you’re thinking about divorce, or if your spouse has already filed for a divorce, we can help you.

Call a Stockton family law attorney now at 209-910-9865 or contact us online to schedule an appointment today.

Divorce

What is Divorce Mediation?

July 24, 2017January 17, 2019
by Angie

If you’re like many people, you’ve heard of divorce mediation—but what is it, and would it be the right choice for you and your spouse?

What is Divorce Mediation?

Divorce mediation is a way for you and your spouse to come together and decide the outcome of your divorce. It includes hiring a mediator—a neutral third party to your case—whose only interest is helping you two find common ground.

The mediator will meet with you and your spouse to help you resolve issues you’ve been unable to resolve on your own. He or she won’t make the decisions for you (unlike the judge, who will make decisions for you if you can’t reach an agreement). Instead, your mediator will help you and your spouse determine the best possible outcome.

Why Some People Choose Mediation

When two spouses cannot agree on an issue—say, child custody—the judge will make a decision for them.

While judges do their best to be as fair and impartial as possible, the fact is that no judge knows your family the way that you and your spouse do. Your judge doesn’t know the special circumstances you have or whether you and your spouse are willing to compromise in some areas.

Unfortunately, when the judge decides an important issue like custody, one or both parties is likely to come away feeling as if they lost the fight.

However, people who participate in mediation work together to come up with a solution that’s best for the whole family—and studies have shown that mediation allows those people to come away feeling as if they (and, more importantly, their children) have won instead.

The Bottom Line on Mediation

Many people choose mediation because they really don’t want the judge to make important decisions for them, but at the same time, they’re unable to agree with each other.

Mediation is also less expensive than a court trial or a series of hearings is, and for the most part, most mediations end in a successful divorce where both parties are reasonably satisfied with the outcome.

How Does Divorce Mediation Work?

Mediation is confidential, and it relies on your (and your spouse’s) ideas to come up with resolutions to the issues you’re experiencing. Your lawyer will still be there to guide you and protect your rights, though, and you and your spouse are in complete control of the process.

Every mediator has his or her own approach, but generally, mediations follow similar processes. Your mediator will get background information from you and your spouse, and then you’ll both attend a meeting with the mediator. He or she will explain the “rules of the road” and tell you what you can expect from the process. You may also be asked to sign a form that says you promise to keep what’s said to yourself—and that you understand that the mediator won’t disclose the private details of your meetings in court later.

Do You Have to See Your Spouse for Mediation?

Sometimes you and your spouse will be negotiating across a table; sometimes the mediator will go back and forth between separate rooms to help you negotiate. You can always tell your mediator whether you’re comfortable being in the same room with your spouse (or if you’re not); the point is that your mediator wants to help you find common ground, and he or she will use the appropriate tactics to get you there.

Can Your Lawyer Go to Mediation With You?

If you want your Stockton divorce attorney to attend a mediation with you, talk to your mediator (and your lawyer). In many cases, these meetings don’t involve lawyers—but typically, they can if you feel it’s necessary.

Do You Need to Talk to a Divorce Lawyer in Stockton?

We welcome the opportunity to answer your questions about mediation and divorce-related issues such as custody, child support, spousal support, and the divorce process.

Call us at 209-910-9865 for a divorce case evaluation. You’ll talk to an experienced Stockton divorce lawyer who can give you the advice you need to begin moving forward.