Tag: <span>Cooperation</span>

3 Ways to Simplify Your Divorce (Even Before You…

February 17, 2020August 10, 2020
by Angie

If you’re like most people, you want your divorce to go as smoothly as possible. You’d like to minimize conflict and just make it through with your head above water – and that’s probably true whether you’re just starting to think about a split or you’re riding out California’s 6-month divorce waiting period. The good news: There are three ways you can simplify your divorce right now.

3 Ways to Simplify Your Divorce (Even Before You File)

Check out these three ways you can simplify your divorce:

Get ready to cooperate.
Organize everything.
Start negotiating as early as possible.

Here’s a closer look at each.

#1. Get Ready to Cooperate

You don’t have to get along with your spouse. You don’t even have to spend time in the same room together or have lengthy discussions over the phone.

However, you do need to prepare yourself – and ask your spouse to prepare him- or herself – to cooperate with each other throughout the process.

Cooperating means working together to achieve an outcome you can both live with. It also means co-parenting your children so that they have as much stability and continuity as possible during (and after) your divorce.

If you and your spouse are having a hard time seeing eye-to-eye, your attorney might suggest that you work with a mediator. A mediator is an impartial third party whose sole job is to find common ground. You can mediate every issue in your divorce, from child custody to property division.

Sometimes it’s not possible to cooperate with your spouse, and that’s okay. Some people are naturally combative and won’t budge. If that’s the case, don’t worry. Your Stockton divorce lawyer can still do what it takes to get you the best possible outcome.

Related: What is divorce mediation?

#2. Organize Everything

Gather all your important documents and keep them together to simplify your divorce. You may need things like:

Tax returns
Children’s birth certificates
Social Security numbers
Insurance policies
Bank statements
Pay stubs
Credit card statements
Mortgage documents
Business-related documents
Pension or retirement account statements

Your attorney may need these types of documents throughout your divorce, so if you have everything organized, they’ll be easy to find when the time comes.

You don’t have to keep a paper file folder with this information in it. Instead, you can keep digital copies on your computer or in the cloud. Remember, though, when you have all your documents together, you should take steps to protect them. That might include putting them in a safe (if they’re physical copies) or putting them in a password-protected file on your computer.

Related: The ultimate divorce checklist

#3. Start Negotiating as Early as Possible

You may not feel like negotiating with your spouse, but it’s very important that you try if you want to simplify your divorce. Before you head into negotiations with your spouse, decide what you’ll be okay with – and what you can give up to get what you want.

Commit to choosing your battles. You don’t have to fight for things you don’t want just for the sake of “winning.” A successful divorce is one in which you walk away reasonably satisfied with the outcome.

Incidentally, that’s how a lot of people – even those who don’t want to fight – view divorce. It’s not a win-or-lose battle. It’s the dissolution of a marriage in which both parties need to come away with some concessions. In fact, it’s a lot like a business transaction.

Why Should You Try to Simplify Your Divorce?

The bottom line is that it’s mentally healthier for you to keep your divorce as simple as possible. By extension, it’s better for your children, too. You’ll be less stressed and better equipped to make sound decisions that affect your future.

Are You Ready to Simplify Your Divorce?

If you’re thinking about divorce, or if your spouse has already filed, we may be able to help you. We want you to be able to simplify your divorce, and we’ll do what it takes to get you the best possible outcome.

Call us at (209) 395-1605 for a divorce case evaluation. You’ll talk to an experienced Stockton divorce lawyer who can give you the advice you need to begin moving forward.

Divorce

Co-Parenting Definition, Explanations and Guide

September 12, 2019August 13, 2020
by Angie

Co-parenting can be really tough, especially when you and your spouse have had a contentious divorce. However, you’re better able to do it if you know the official co-parenting definition, you can see real-world examples, and you have tips that will make you more successful.

Fortunately, we’re here to give you all three.

Co-Parenting Definition, Explanations and Guide

Knowing what to expect from your co-parenting experience, as well as what real co-parenting looks like and how to put theories into practice, will help you be a better mom or dad to your kids.

Co-Parenting Definition

Technically, co-parenting explains a situation in which both parents share the duties of parenting a child. Kids need stability, consistency and effective communication between their parents, and co-parenting is a great way to achieve these things.

Essentially, co-parenting is a parenting relationship where the parents aren’t romantically involved, but still assume joint responsibility in bringing up their kids. Usually, it’s used to describe people who are separated or divorced (or who were never together in the first place) when those people work together to raise children.

Both parents choose to put aside their personal differences for the sake of the children.

Benefits of Co-Parenting

There are many benefits of co-parenting, including:

Stability. When both parents are on the same page and they’re consistent from house to house, the child is more likely to feel stable and safe. Kids who have more stability at home are typically more resilient.
Solid relationships with both parents. Kids need the framework that parents set up when they co-parent so they can maintain loving relationships with each adult.
Limited “parentification.” The term parentification refers to a child who feels the need to take care of his or her parents’ feelings. Basically, it means the child becomes the parent. When the actual parents can work together for the child, though, the child won’t be as likely to want to take care of his or her parents… because the parents are doing just fine on their own.
Conflict resolution. Children learn by example, and if you and your spouse can resolve your conflicts in healthy ways, that’s what your kids will pick up. Kids can learn that they can cooperate with other people, even if they don’t agree with each other, by watching you and your ex-spouse co-parent.

Co-Parenting Examples

Check out these examples of co-parenting in action.

#1. Judi and Pat split up just before the holidays, and they built a holiday schedule into their parenting plan. Judi will have the kids for Halloween, according to the parenting plan, but Pat’s employer is putting on a huge trunk-or-treat event that he’d really like to share with the kids. Judi and Pat reach an agreement that he can take the kids to trunk-or-treat, but he’ll have them home in time to trick-or-treat with Judi.

#2. Kathy and Bonnie have twin teenagers who want nothing more than to avoid them and spend time with their friends. Together, Kathy and Bonnie came up with a set of rules governing where the twins can and can’t go, how late they can stay out, and what the consequences are for violating the rules. The rules are the same at both Kathy’s and Bonnie’s houses, and so are the consequences, so the twins always know what to expect.

#3. Angie and David have only one child, and Angie tells David that if their son doesn’t keep up his grades, she’s going to take him out of baseball. David explains why he doesn’t think that’s a good idea, and Angie is open to David’s opinion. Together, they develop a plan to get their son’s grades up and commit to keeping him in baseball for the remainder of the season.

Co-Parenting Tips

Use these tips to make your co-parenting efforts more successful:

Pick your battles. Some things just aren’t worth fighting over.
Be open and flexible with your schedule. Put your kids first when their other parent wants to spend time with them.
Communicate directly with your ex. Don’t use the kids as messengers.
Keep your exchanges with your ex short and polite. Don’t get involved or give endless instructions.
Respect your kids’ time with their other parent.

Are You Considering Divorce?

If you’re thinking about divorce, or if your spouse has already filed, we may be able to help you.

Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today.

Divorce

3 Things You Can Do to Make Your Divorce…

August 22, 2019August 13, 2020
by Angie

Divorce is never easy. In fact, it’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever go through – and unfortunately, there’s no magic wand that can chase away all your stress and make the whole process a breeze. While working with the right attorney can make your whole experience better, the bottom line is that it’s going to be stressful and at times, it’s going to be difficult.

You’ve seen people who have long, drawn-out and extremely painful divorces – in fact, you may even know some of those people personally. But there are three things that you can do to make your divorce easier.

3 Things You Can Do to Make Your Divorce Easier

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution for making your divorce easier, but check out these three things you can do to simplify the process and make things go more smoothly:

Be prepared to cooperate
Start negotiations early
Get – and stay – organized

Let’s take a closer look at each of these.

#1. Be prepared to cooperate.

When you divorce your spouse, you’ll have to do things like work out custody agreements, decide how to divide your marital property, and figure out who keeps your marital home. You could decide not to negotiate with your soon-to-be ex-spouse and ask the judge to decide for you, but there are a few problems with that scenario.

First, the judge will do his or her best to be fair – but only you know your family well enough to make the best decisions for them. Most people who ask the judge to decide walk away feeling as if they “lost,” even if they did get some of the things they wanted. However, most people who negotiate their own settlements are more likely to walk away from the divorce feeling reasonably satisfied with the outcome because they had a hand in creating it. Divorce litigation is expensive and time-consuming, too, because you have to pay your attorney for her work on the case and wait for a time and date to open up on the court’s schedule.

That’s not to say that there aren’t some cases in which it’s best to let the judge decide. In fact, there are some cases in which there’s no other option – such as when your ex won’t come to the table to negotiate or you were dealing with a domestic violence situation and negotiation is not in your best interest.

#2. Start negotiations early.

The sooner you begin negotiating with your spouse, the better. You’ll have more time to reach fair settlements – including agreements on child custody and visitation – and you’ll be able to get your kids into a routine sooner, too.

When you’re both upfront about what you want from your divorce, you can work together to negotiate a fair settlement. Ask your spouse what he or she expects to keep, what type of custody arrangement he or she would like to work out, and whether there are any special considerations in your divorce. Then, use what you learn to negotiate for the things you want. Remember to choose your battles, too – you don’t want to fight over things that you don’t even want (although some people do fight just for the sake of fighting).

#3. Get – and stay – organized.

Gather all your important documents, including:

Kids’ birth certificates
Social Security cards
Travel documents
Citizenship paperwork, if applicable
Financial statements
Bank statements
Credit card statements
Kids’ school records
Other records that you may need at any point during your divorce

Having everything you need in one central location is essential. That way, if you have to enroll your kids in a new school, your attorney needs to see retirement account statements, or you want to show how much money you bring in on a monthly basis for alimony or child support purposes, you’ll have paperwork at your fingertips.

Related: Divorce mediation checklist

Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Divorce Lawyer?

Whether you’re considering divorce, you’re ready to file, or your spouse has already filed, we may be able to help you.

Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online to schedule a consultation today.

Divorce

How to Have a “Successful” Divorce

July 3, 2017October 3, 2017
by Angie

Whether you’re simply thinking about ending your marriage or you’re ready to take action and get in touch with a Stockton divorce lawyer, you probably have more than a few concerns about how the process will play out—and whether you and your spouse will be able to reach fair agreements without causing too much collateral damage.

The fact is that you can have what’s known as a successful divorce. It’s not always an easy process, but the end result is that you and your spouse can both walk away feeling that it was fair and that you both won.

The secret?

Don’t look at divorce like a competition, a race, or something that you have to win.

Divorce is simply a way to end your marriage, and there aren’t supposed to be any “winners” or “losers” in the legal system.

How to Have a Successful Divorce

In order to have a successful divorce, you and your spouse have to be on the same page; you both have to look at it as a means to an end. If one spouse isn’t interested in collaborating and making the process as quick (and painless) as possible, it’s going to be extremely difficult to navigate the process.

How to Talk to Your Spouse About Having a Collaborative Divorce

Many people find that discussing collaborative divorce with a spouse is easier when it’s framed in terms of time or money. The simple fact is that when both spouses can agree on major points, their divorce will move faster and will cost less.

Finally, nobody knows your family like you do—or what will work best for them. You and your spouse are the most highly qualified when it comes to making decisions that will affect all of you; if you can’t agree, though, you’ll take those decisions out of your own hands and put them in the judge’s hands.

Should You Simply Give In to Your Spouse?

You don’t have to “give in” to your spouse’s demands in order to have a successful divorce. Instead, look at it as if you were negotiating a contract. Give-and-take is important in a successful divorce, so sit down with your attorney and determine what it is that you really want from your divorce. That way, your lawyer can help you negotiate your way through the process and make the best of the tough situation you’re in right now.

What if Your Spouse is Combative Instead of Cooperative?

Some people who begin the divorce process like they’re running toward combat eventually come around, but that’s not always the case.

If your spouse isn’t cooperative—or isn’t interested in participating in a collaborative divorce—you need tough representation in court. You need a lawyer who’s going to stand up for your rights and who isn’t afraid to speak up on your behalf.

Typically, the judge can tell when a spouse is trying to tilt the divorce’s outcome in his or her favor (or worse, trying to use the legal system for revenge). That’s not what the legal system is for, though, and the only purpose of our divorce courts is to dissolve marriages. Each judge is tasked with the heavy responsibility of ensuring that all Californians get a “fair shake” in court and that the legal system does justice to every citizen.

Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Divorce Lawyer?

If you’re thinking about divorce and you have questions that an attorney can answer, if you’re ready to take the next step and file your paperwork, or if your spouse has already filed divorce paperwork, we can help you.

Call us at 209-910-9865 for a divorce case evaluation. You’ll talk to an experienced Stockton divorce lawyer who will answer your questions about child custody, child support, spousal support, or anything else that’s weighing on your mind. The sooner you call us, the sooner we’ll be able to begin developing the strategy that gets you and your family the best possible outcome.

Divorce

Collaborative Divorce in California

May 1, 2017August 13, 2020
by Angie

There’s no question about it: Divorce is tough.

However, a collaborative divorce can make things easier on you, your soon-to-be ex-spouse, and your children.

What is Collaborative Divorce?

The term collaborative divorce refers to the process of resolving your differences together rather than fighting things out in court. It involves negotiation (and sometimes mediation) so that both parties can walk away from the marriage knowing that they’ve solved the issues on their own, without forcing a judge to make decisions for them.

Collaborative divorce isn’t the right answer for everyone, though. In order for it to work, both spouses need to be willing to participate. Both spouses also have to recognize that divorce is a negotiation process and be willing to set aside their emotions and deal only in facts.

Who Shouldn’t Use Collaborative Divorce?

Typically, a collaborative divorce is not right for marriages that involved physical or emotional abuse, child abuse, or dishonesty about income and assets. It’s not often a good idea for spouses who are alienating children from one (or both) parents, either.

Are There Benefits to Collaborative Divorce?

There are several benefits to collaborative divorce for those who are able to use it. In addition to making things easier on you, your ex, and your kids, a collaborative divorce:

Saves money. You don’t have to pay attorneys to “duke it out” in court over the things you can negotiate yourselves.
Saves time. Litigation (fighting in court) is time-consuming. You have to wait for a space to open up on the court’s calendar, and you have to solve disputes one at a time on the court’s schedule.
Takes place in an informal setting. You aren’t in the courtroom, missing work and using up vacation days, when you’re collaborating on your divorce.
Lets you maintain control over the situation. You’ll have to share that control with your ex, because collaborative divorce does involve give-and-take, but ultimately, the way you solve disputes with your ex is up to you two.
Allows you to negotiate a divorce settlement that works best for your family. When you don’t cooperate with your ex, the judge in your case will have to make final decisions for you—and while judges are fair and impartial, they don’t know what makes your family “tick.” That means a judge’s decisions may not be the best fit for you, your ex, or your kids.

What Happens if You and Your Ex Both Want a Collaborative Divorce?

If you and your ex can agree that a collaborative divorce is best, the first step is talking to a Stockton family law attorney who understands negotiation, mediation, and your desire to make your divorce as easy as possible.

You’ll meet with your lawyer to explain what it is you want from the divorce, and he or she will help you identify where you’re willing to compromise. You and your ex can reach agreements on your own, or you can bring in a professional mediator who can help.

You and your soon-to-be ex-spouse can collaborate to decide:

Child custody and child support
Spousal support
Property division

Ultimately, the best part of collaborating with your ex is that when you do finally go to court (the judge still has to issue a divorce decree that officially dissolves your marriage) you can file an uncontested divorce.

Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Divorce Lawyer?

If you’re ending your marriage and need to talk to a divorce lawyer in Stockton, we can help. Call us at 209-910-9865 to tell us what’s going on. We’ll evaluate your case and start building a strategy that gets you—and your family—the best possible outcome.