“I want a divorce.”

If you’re here, you’ve either said it or heard it very recently.

And you’re not alone.

Some of the most common reasons couples split up, whether they’re married or dating, may be affecting you—and it may make it easier on you to know that others have experienced something similar.

In our practice as Stockton family law attorneys, we’ve helped many clients through the difficulties of divorce. During the past several years, we’ve discovered that there are some very common themes that run through many divorces. Unfortunately, it’s rare that both spouses are at the same emotional stage of divorce—and one spouse is left reeling, wondering what happened.

If that’s you, the themes we’ve observed may be helpful in understanding how you got here today.

“I Want a Divorce”: Why Couples Split

You don’t need grounds for divorce in California. We live in a no-fault divorce state, which means you don’t have to give the courts a specific reason in order for a judge to grant your divorce. However, statistics show that some reasons are far more common than others are. (Substance abuse and addiction, physical and emotional abuse, or infidelity are completely separate issues.)

Some of the most common reasons people divorce include:

• Lack of individual identity
• Getting lost in your role
• Having differing visions for your marriage and your family
• Lack of intimacy
• Disappointments and unmet expectations
• Money
• Poor conflict resolution

“I Want a Divorce Because I Lost My Identity.”

Some couples become co-dependent. In many cases, only one spouse is co-dependent, which causes the loss of his or her sense of self-worth, identity, and self-esteem. Sometimes, the other spouse doesn’t know how to deal with the co-dependency—or recognize that they’re the cause.

“I Want a Divorce Because I Can’t Remember Why We Got Married in the First Place.”

Many people, including those who have dedicated several years to raising children, lose sight of what made their marriage special in the first place. When one or both spouses lose sight of what happened in the beginning, irreconcilable differences often develop.

“I Want a Divorce Because We Don’t See Eye-to-Eye.”

It can be tough to notice when your expectations (and intentions) change during marriage, but in many cases, that’s exactly what happens. You and your spouse may have differing visions for your marriage, your family, and your personal successes.

“I Want a Divorce Because We’re No Longer Intimate.”

Intimacy isn’t just about sex; it’s about emotions, too. Many couples find that between the pressures of everyday life and their regular obligations, intimacy evaporates over time. It’s not unheard of for one spouse to become more frustrated over this than the other; in fact, it happens fairly frequently.

“I Want a Divorce Because This Isn’t What I Signed Up For.”

When circumstances change, some people back away—and they don’t want to recognize that circumstances have changed. In many cases, this disillusionment leads to divorce.

“I Want a Divorce Over Money.”

Most people who divorce over money don’t do so because they have no money; they divorce because they’re not financially compatible. Conflict over money is inevitable in a marriage, but sometimes, those conflicts aren’t easy—or even possible—to resolve.

“I Want a Divorce Because We Can’t Resolve These Problems.”

Certainly all couples disagree, but some couples build up resentment (sometimes over years) and what seem like minor disagreements in a healthy marriage are much bigger problems in an unhealthy one.

Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Divorce Lawyer?

No matter what brought you here, you need to know that you’re not alone. We’ve helped many people through difficult situations like these, and we can help you, too.

Call us at 209-910-9865. You’ll be able to talk to a Stockton divorce lawyer who understands what you’re going through, and we’ll begin developing a strategy that gets you the best possible outcome.