Dealing With Divorce When You Didn’t Initiate the Process

If your spouse initiated divorce proceedings before you were ready (or before you had even decided to dissolve your marriage), you have a lot to deal with.

There is good news, though: You’re not alone. Your Stockton divorce lawyer is here to walk you through the entire process, from start to finish, and provide you with the advice you need to move forward toward the best possible outcome. (And while it may not seem like it right now, you can have what’s called a successful divorce, despite the fact that you weren’t ready when it all began.)

Dealing With Divorce When You Didn’t Initiate the Process

First things first: There’s nothing wrong with talking to a qualified, compassionate, and skilled therapist. This is one of the most difficult transitions you’ll ever go through, so if you’re like most people, you’ll benefit tremendously from talking to an impartial third party.

Even if you choose not to talk to a therapist, you can follow some general guidelines to help yourself through this tough time. While nothing erases the pain you’re feeling, practicing good self-care now can help you come out of this stronger and more resilient than you were before the divorce.

Know That Your Feelings Are Okay

Divorce brings on a roller coaster of emotions. You might feel angry, hopeful, frustrated, and confused… all in one day.

That’s okay. It’s normal. It happens to everyone who’s undergoing such a huge transition.

Your emotional roller coaster won’t go on forever; the feelings you’re experiencing will lessen over time. For now, though, let yourself experience these emotions and recognize that this is your mind’s way of working through a difficult situation.

Give Yourself Time to Rest

You deserve a break—and you need one, now more than ever. It’s okay not to function at 100 percent all the time; right now, you might have a tough time being productive, caring for others (including your children), or even taking care of yourself. You’re not a superhero, and nobody expects you to be one right now. That’s why it’s okay to give yourself permission to rest and recharge, even if the house isn’t clean or you’re a little behind at work.

Help Your Children as Best You Can

Helping your kids is one of the hardest parts of divorce. If you’re like many parents, you’re not exactly sure what to say or how to act—but you can help them cope by:

• Listening. Your kids may want to talk, and if they do, let them know you’re always available to listen. (If they don’t want to talk, that’s okay, too. Remember that kids can also benefit from meeting with a therapist, especially if they don’t want to open up to you or your spouse.)
• Reassuring them. Make sure your children know that the divorce isn’t their fault, and that you and your spouse still love them the same, no matter what.
• Responding. When your kids have questions, be honest and give age-appropriate answers. Don’t ever bad-mouth your spouse to your kids or use them as messengers, though.
• Keeping routines. Kids of all ages benefit from keeping routines as regular as possible, especially during tough transitions like divorce.
• Being consistent. Work with your spouse to agree on across-the-board rules, bedtimes, and other important issues that face your children.

Do You Need to Talk to a Divorce Lawyer in Stockton?

If your spouse has already begun divorce proceedings, call us right away at 209-910-9865 for a divorce consultation with an experienced attorney. We’ll evaluate your situation and start developing a strategy that gets you the best possible outcome right away.