Category: <span>family-law</span>

Child Support in California

February 15, 2021February 1, 2021
by Briana White

Parents have a legal responsibility to provide for their children, and these duties do not cease to exist just because your marriage dissolves. For couples with children, one of the most critical aspects of a divorce proceeding, is establishing an order of custody and financial support for that child. By putting the specifics of these obligations in writing, California courts ensure that both parents are held fiscally responsible for the upbringing of their offspring.

But what, exactly, this child support looks like, in terms of dollars and cents, will be different for every divorce. Just as no two couples are the same, so are no two divorces. When determining the amount of child support, courts use a specific set of guidelines, which will produce an individualized plan that caters to each family’s unique needs.

Here’s a brief run-down of those considerations, and what you can expect your final California child support order to look like.

Child Support in California

Any time a child is under the care of one parent, that parent is responsible for meeting the costs of their child’s basic, daily needs. But—as is often the case in custody arrangements—the custodial time allotted to each parent is rarely equal. The far more common scenario, is when one parent bears the most physical responsibility for the child, while the other parent has only partial physical custody. Child support, then, is meant to compensate for situations where this custodial care is unequal. Usually, the difference is made up by the non-custodial parent, however, in some situations, a judge might order both parents to pay.

As a general rule, parents have very little say over how much, and who will be required to make these payments, but according to California law(and just about everywhere else in the country, for that matter), this support is mandatory.

Calculating Child Support in California

When constructing a child support order in California, judges will typically follow California’s child support guidelines. Under this process, a number of independent factors are evaluated, however, the three biggest elements that impact the end result, are:

The number of children that qualify for support;
How much time each parent has with their children (or rather, the amount of physical custodial time each parent has); and,
Each parent’s disposable income.

Element three is the trickiest factor to figure, since it requires the most number crunching. To make things easier, California courts have devised a simple equation:

Gross Annual Income – Mandatory Deductions ÷ Twelve = Net Disposable Income

Gross annual income comprises of earnings from all sources, including regular salary, bonuses, commissions, rental income, pensions, and royalties. It can also encompass benefits from a business ownership, and even monies obtained from self-employment benefits.

Mandatory deductions required by law, on the other hand, would comprise of any tax obligations, job expenses, health insurance premiums, and other hardships (such as child support owed to a previous relationship, or health expenses).

After dividing the end result by twelve, the court is left with a pretty good idea of what each individual’s net disposable income is each month. Armed with this information, a judge can then attribute a percentage of that number toward child support, based on the amount of physical custodial time each parent spends with their child.

Other Factors Influencing Child Support

While the formula for determining child support in California might sound fairly scientific, there are still some considerations which could influence the final figure. If the mathematical outcome of these calculations isn’t “fair or reasonable,” judges have the power to alter the amount—higher or lower—at their discretion. Some of the circumstances that might prompt them to do so would be if:

A parent’s extraordinarily high income exceeds a child’s needs;
The contribution doesn’t match the custodial deficit;
Both parents spend roughly equal time with the child, but one pays more in housing; and,
Any child care costs, health expenses, or special needs that aren’t accounted for under the usual formula.

To get an idea of what your child support payments might be, based on California’s guidelines, try using this child support calculator. However, understand that these figures are just estimates, and in the end, the final amount will be up to the judge.

Appropriate Uses of Child Support

A common misconception assumes that child support in California is meant to cover only the bare necessities, and this is far from the truth. While child support money is certainly meant to put clothes on the kid’s back and food in their belly, courts expect these monies to be used for more than just essential survival. (Because let’s be honest, when it comes to kids, the term “needs” is fluid, and basically amounts to a bottomless pit). That being said, other legitimate expenditures might include education, health insurance and medical bills, childcare, transportation, extra-curricular activities, and, yes, even entertainment. A parent might also spend child support on things like heating, electricity, and internet, since these bills all address a child’s needs and expectations.

Unless basic needs aren’t being met, the custodial parent isn’t required to make an accounting of how child support is being used—and this standard probably won’t change. Not only are the costs of raising a child enormous and sometimes difficult to track, but they’re also extremely ambiguous. Requiring a custodial parent to make an accounting would place an unacceptable amount of strain on an already-overloaded court system, to say nothing of the burden it would put on the parents, themselves. It would be impractical.

So, while you probably shouldn’t use child support money to leave your kid at home and go on a solo vacation without them, the custodial parent has a lot of freedom when it comes to choosing how they spend child support. And since kids are so thoroughly blended into every single breathing moment of a parent’s life, this actually makes a lot of sense.

Duration of Child Support Payments

Another erroneous assumption that people often make about child support in California, is that payments automatically end once the child turns eighteen. Though teenagers might disagree, eighteen is not, in fact, a magical number at which point a child no longer needs the help and financial support of their parents—especially since many are still in school when that birthday occurs.

Because of this, California law states that child support payments are mandatory until the child turns nineteen, or until high school graduation, whichever comes first. Therefore, you can’t just stop paying support just because your kid hits the big one-eight. Unless your child:

Marries or registers a domestic partnership;
Joins the military;
Is emancipated; or,
Dies,

If high school hasn’t ended, then neither has your obligation to support.

Child Support and Visitation

It can be frustrating to try and wrangle child support payments out of an uncooperative former spouse each month—no one is arguing that. However, we have to stress, that being late or missing payments on child support does not give a custodial parent the right to withhold visitation from their former partner. In fact, doing so is actually a crime, and could adversely affect their own rights under the custody agreement. Bottom line? Child support isn’t the price of an admission ticket to see your child. It’s money to help offset the significant costs of raising a kid, and a late or default payment cannot diminish a parent’s basic rights to access their child.

If you are having problems with your former partner paying child support, a Stockton divorce lawyer can help you file a complaint with the court. The California judicial system takes child support seriously, and there are proper channels available to address incomplete or late payments without damaging your own rights under the custody arrangement.

Child Support Attorneys in California

Unfortunately, as much as we hate it, children are the ones usually hurt the most in divorce. And while nothing can compensate for the emotional trauma they face, child support can—at the very least—help them maintain some semblance of normalcy and comfort in the upturned world they’re expected to make the best of.

If you or someone you love have more question about child support in California—or any other divorce related questions—we can help. Call us at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online to schedule your consultation today, and let us make sure your child support needs are being met.

family-law

5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Marriage

February 11, 2021February 1, 2021
by Briana White

The motivations compelling couples to consider divorce are wide and varied. However, one common motivator, is when individuals feel trapped in a toxic relationship. The term “toxic relationship” was coined in 1995 by Dr. Lillian Glass, and in contrast to physical abuse, the hallmark of a toxic relationship is an emotionally unhealthy environment, where one or both of the parties are plagued by a persistent feeling of unhappiness.

In comparison, healthy partners listen to each other, communicating respectfully and often. These couples build and uplift one another, supporting each other’s goals, desires, and dreams. Habits which, in turn, cultivate and strengthens trust, leading them to a deep sense of understanding, satisfaction, and happiness that can’t be found anywhere else.

Of course, none of which is to imply happy couples don’t fight. Because let’s be honest: to be married is almost, by definition, to have a sparing buddy at the ready. It is completely normal for stable couples to experience periods of life marked with anxiety, stress, and anger. But this unrest is usually temporary. In contrast, a toxic marriage is a relationship where negativity is the norm. One in which individuals:

Don’t support each other;
Seek out conflict;
Undermine their partner;
Engage in unhealthy competition;
Disrespect their spouse;
Lack cohesive unity; or
Attempt to control one another.

In addition to these elements, things like physical abuse, and adultery, can, of course, contribute to an emotionally toxic environment. However, abusive relationships are generally seen as a situation where the perpetrator knows and is choosing to exact harm, whereas in a toxic relationship, on or both parties might not even be aware of what they’re doing.

This is what can make a toxic relationship so difficult to identify, especially since all toxic marriages present differently, and what’s toxic for you might not be so bad for your best friend or your mom. Below, are five signs that you’re in a toxic marriage – and if you recognize them, it may be time to talk to a Stockton divorce attorney. Not just for your own mental health, but also for the sake of any children you might have, who are looking up to you for an example of what kind of relationship they should aspire to.

5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Marriage

When trying to determine whether or not your relationship is toxic, here are five signs that can help you know whether it’s time to consider other options (such as divorce). They include:

Persistent unhappiness;
An inability to connect with your partner;
Consistent fault finding;
Fantasies about striking out on your own; and
Family or friends who are expressing concerns.

Persistent Unhappiness

If you’re always unhappy about your relationship, why are you still in it? Life should be better and happier with the person you’ve chosen to spend life with. If the joy you once felt in marriage has replaced by sadness, anger, anxiety, or resignation, it may be time to talk to an attorney about your options.

Inability to Connect with your Partner

Respectful communication is one of the biggest keys to any successful relationship—romantic or otherwise. And it’s okay for these conversations to occasionally fizzle out between partners, but when it becomes worrisome, is when it doesn’t improve, despite repeated efforts. Especially if you feel like your partner has “checked out,” of the relationship. When couples are unable to resolve differences, and talk though problems with each other, it’s often a signal that they’re on the road to divorce.

Constant Fault Finding

No one is perfect, and if you look close enough at anyone, you’ll find fault with them. But there’s a big difference between occasionally getting after your spouse for not taking out the trash, and when finding fault is a way of life in your relationship. If you and your spouse are overly critical of one another, and resort to personal attacks during every argument, it might be time to start thinking objectively about your future together.

Fantasies about Striking Out on you Own

It’s normal for an overworked parent to think about how much easier things would be without family ties binding them down, but if escaping into your fantasy life of solitude is the only way you can get through the day, it may be a sign there’s something really wrong in your relationship. If you’ve made serious plans to leave, you should talk to an attorney about your options before doing anything. It’s especially important not to move out of your marital home (or throw out your partner) without consulting a lawyer first, as these actions can trigger adverse consequences during a divorce trial.

Family or Friends Express Concerns

There’s an age-old metaphor, which says you can’t boil a frog by putting it in hot water. Instead, you start with a pot of tepid liquid, and slowly turn up the heat. We have no idea why anyone would want to boil a frog alive, but like our amphibious friends, individuals who are in a toxic marriage, are usually the last to figure it out. That’s because humans are amazingly adaptable. We become so accustomed to the harmful environment, we no longer notice what’s all around us, which is a bad place to be. If your friends and family begin expressing concerns, it’s a sign that you’ve normalized an unhealthy relationship.

Do You Need to Talk to a Divorce Lawyer?

Often, even when individuals recognize their partnership isn’t healthy, they are still reluctant to initiate divorce, either because of time and cost, or worries about child custody and property division. Some even fear physical retribution from their spouse, and if this sounds like you, it’s important to note that there are many different types of divorce, including mediation, which can be quite cost effective. In addition, individuals can file for restraining orders at no cost, which is just one of many ways in which the State of California protects abuse victims.

If you’re thinking about getting a divorce, it’s a good idea to consult with an attorney and learn about your options. The team at Maples Family Law are here to answer any questions you might have about spousal support, child custody, and the division of property. We may also be able to refer you to a therapist focusing on divorce issues and toxic relationships.

Call us at (209) 546-6246 or contact us online to schedule an appointment. Let us help figure out a solution to your toxic relationship.

family-law

Divorce Papers in California

February 9, 2021February 1, 2021
by Briana White

In order to initiate your divorce, California law requires that you let your spouse know you’ve begun the legal process—and in this case, shooting off a quick text won’t cut it. For your notice to be valid, you must provide the other party copies of the same paperwork you filed with the court, and it has to be done in a certain way. In legal speak, this is called service of process—but most people simply call it “serving divorce papers,” or “service.”

How to Serve Divorce Papers in California

One important thing to keep in mind, is that your judge will not be able to make a judgment, or create any permanent orders until divorce papers have been properly served to the other party. During your initial divorce consultation, your Stockton divorce lawyer will explain the different service methods, but if you haven’t yet had a chance to meet with an attorney yet, here’s a quick run-down of how to make sure your divorce isn’t delayed by improper service.

Using a Process Server

One way of serving divorce documents, is good old-fashioned hand-delivery. This method is called personal service, and in California—so long as they meet the right criteria—any of the following people can serve divorce papers on your spouse:

Friend
Relative
Coworker
County sheriff or marshal
Professional process server

However, there are certain things might disqualify one or more of these individuals from carrying out the task. In order for these individuals to qualify as a proper process server, the person must:

Be over the age of 18; and,
Not be part of your divorce case.

In addition to these two requirements, the person you choose must serve the paperwork within sixty days from the day you filed for divorce (though, more time can be requested, if needed). They must also fill out a proof of service form, and return it to you, so that you or your lawyer can file it with the court. A proof of service form tells the court who was served, when it happened, where it happened, and how it happened.

Substituted Service

Substituted service is only available when you have already made several unsuccessful attempts to personally serve the other party. If your situation qualifies, your server will be allowed to leave the papers in the possession of someone else at the other party’s house (so long as they are at least 18 years old). The same restrictions for service of process apply in substituted situations, and the server must also to write up a “Declaration of Due Diligences” detailing the efforts that were made to serve in person prior to substitution.

If your spouse does not agree with the divorce, and is trying to stall the proceedings by making it difficult for you to serve, you may need to consider service by posting or publication, instead.

Service by Publication or Posting

Service by publication involves publishing the summons and complaint in a newspaper where the other party is likely to be. For this method, the court’s permission is mandatory, and can be obtained by filing a Form FL-980. The notice must also run at least once a week for four weeks, the cost of which will come out of the plaintiff’s own pocket.

Service By Posting

Alternatively, if you don’t know where your spouse lives, you may be able to complete service by posting. This involves asking the court for permission to post notice at the courthouse, which is only granted if special requirements can be met, including detailed proof that substantial due diligence was made to contact the other party via other avenues, to no avail.

Service By Mail

A person who is not part of the case may also mail the documents to the other party’s home or business. Service is considered complete after five days from the date of postage, however it isn’t always the most reliable. Which is why it’s really good idea to stick to Certified or First-Class mail.

What Happens if My Spouse Ignores Service?

Sometimes during divorce, one party wants to split, while the other doesn’t. If your spouse is attempting to stall your breakup by not responding to properly serviced documents, you don’t need to worry. Individuals who don’t respond within thirty days are in danger of default. In a default divorce, the dissolution will continue on without the other party, usually with the judge simply agreeing to the terms put down by the party who filed.

Do You Need to Talk to a Stockton Family Lawyer About Divorce?

Navigating the requirements of document service can be tricky and overwhelming. Luckily, this isn’t a process you have to complete on your own. If you need to advice about serving papers, or want to talk about other divorce-related matters, one of our Stockton attorneys can help. Call us at (209) 546-6870 for a consultation. Let us help you develop a strategy that gets you the best possible outcome in your case.

family-law

How to Enforce Spousal Support in California

February 5, 2021February 1, 2021
by Briana White

When your ex refuses to pay spousal support, is late on payments, or doesn’t give you the full amount, this can be understandably frustrating. Especially since the entire point of spousal support is to help a homemaker become economically independent after a divorce. Without this reliable, financial assistance, getting back on your feet becomes much more difficult.

If a judge included spousal support in your divorce order, it isn’t optional. Your ex might not like you, or agree with the verdict, but the hard truth is, that court orders are as iron clad as any other law—the only difference being, that it’s personalized to you. And California courts don’t look kindly on law breaking.

If you need to enforce spousal support in California, here’s how that might look in your situation.

Enforcing Spousal Support: Earnings Assignment

The easiest and fastest way to enforce spousal support in California, is to file an earnings assignment with your county clerk immediately after your divorce is finalized. An earnings assignment—also known as wage garnishment—is a legal document that requires your ex’s employer to pay you spousal support before giving them their take-home pay. This type of enforcement is automatically available to every California divorce.

Filing an Earnings Assignment in California

The only requirement to filing an earnings assignment, is that your divorce is finalized. Once you have your support order from the judge, activate your earnings assignment by completing:

A Findings and Order After Hearing (Form FL-340);
Any of the required attachments; and,
An Earnings Assignment Order for Spousal or Partner Support (Form FL-435).

Upon completion, take the finished forms (and attachments) to your local clerk for signatures. After everything has been processed, you can pick them up and have copies properly served to both your ex and his or her employer. This is done via mail, and must be initiated by someone who is not a party to the case (meaning: you can’t do it yourself). Make sure to have your server fill out two proof of service forms (one for your ex, and one for the employer), as these will also need to be filed with the clerk.

Earnings Assignments Are Not Required

Although convenient and efficient, wage garnishment isn’t actually required. If both parties agree, an earnings assignment can always be “stayed,” or rather: put on hold. Though, it’s important to note, that a stay of earnings can always be reversed, if proper payments are not made on time in the future.

How Long Before an Earnings Assignment Takes Effect?

Once everything has been filed and served, your ex’s employer will have ten days to begin deducting spousal support from the paycheck. If they do not, the employer could be held liable for payments in your ex’s stead.

Enforcing Spousal Support in California: Other Tactics

If your ex falls behind on payments, or you are having trouble with an employer not meeting the terms of a valid earnings assignment, you may need to involved the court again. In these situations, a judge might reinstate an earnings assignment, or possibly hold an employer liable for noncompliance, if applicable. During this process, you will likely need to make an accounting of all missed payments, so that the increased amount can be included in the amount owed.

While it’s possible for you and your attorney to do these things on your own, if you are still having problems, at this point you might also want to consider soliciting outside help.

Local Child Support Agency (LCSA)

One way to get help enforcing spousal support in California, is to open a case with your local child support agency (or LCSA). The LCSA is authorized to help enforce orders of both spousal support and child support, and they can do so at no charge to you.

The biggest benefit to using the LCSA, is the arsenal of enforcement tools they have at their disposal—tools that certainly aren’t available to the average citizen. To enforce spousal support in California, the LCSA can:

Report all late and missed payments to major credit reporting agencies, detrimentally effecting credit scores;
Notify the U.S. State Department, who can place a holds on the passport of any individual owing $2,500 or more in support payments;
Put a lien on your ex’s land or house, so that if the property is sold, profits can’t be collected on the proceeds until support payments are made;
Suspend any state-issued licenses, including any driver’s, business, or professional licensures your ex might have;
Use the Franchise Tax Board to collect money from bank accounts, real property, deposit box cash, or even vehicles owned;
Notify the IRS to take support payments out of tax refunds before they issue anything to your former spouse;
Take the owed support out of unemployment benefits, or workers compensation; and even,
Claim lottery winnings—if your ex happens to be so lucky. (And there’s definitely some satisfying karma in that, we think.)

As you can see, the tactics used by the LCSA are much more motivating than anything you can do on your own, and since they’re available at no cost to you, it might make a lot of sense to just skip the drama, and involve them in your case as soon as possible.

Contempt of Court

In extreme cases, it might be necessary to enforce spousal support by holding your ex in contempt of court. Unlike divorce cases, which are held in civil court, a charge of contempt is a very serious criminal charge, and could result in jail time.

When deciding on contempt, the judge will analyze whether or not the support was withheld on purpose—particularly if your ex was able to pay, but just decided not to. Because while you can’t (technically) get thrown in jail for being in debt, intentionally ignoring a court order can definitely get you there. This is usually a measure of last resort, though, and most judges will attempt to find a reasonable solution before putting anyone behind bars.

Spousal Support Modification

Because there are such serious consequences attached to not paying spousal support, if you are on the paying end and cannot fulfill the court’s order, it’s important you notify them as soon as possible. The court understands that life is unpredictable, and circumstances change. That’s why there are ways to modify a spousal support agreement—ones that don’t involve enraging the Powers at Be for not paying (which, really, is never a good idea).

Communication is the biggest key, here. As soon as you are aware of the change in circumstance, don’t wait. Notify the court, and fill out the necessary forms to initiate a hearing to modify. Amount changes cannot be applied retroactively, so acting fast is critical, as you’ll still be on the line for the original amounts, however long it takes you to get the wheels rolling.

Depending on the reasons for your request, the court may reduce the amount, though they’re unlikely to eliminate altogether.

Attorneys to Enforce Spousal Support in California

For many divorcees, spousal support is a critical means of income in the post-divorce era, and not receiving these funds in full and on time can be extremely stressful and financially crippling.

If you are entitled to receive regular spousal support, and are not getting it, we can help. Call us at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online to schedule your consultation today. With our assistance, we can make sure you receive the funds you’re entitled to, without the stress and headache of going it alone.

Child Support

California Child Support

February 3, 2021February 1, 2021
by Briana White

Divorce is complicated. Splitting a life into two parts is daunting enough all on its own, but—just like everything else in life—with children involved, things gets trickier. Between custody, and visitation schedules, there’s a lot to figure out when it comes to kids, and child support certainly isn’t cheap. If you’re a parent contemplating divorce, and you’re fairly sure that your kids won’t live with you most of the time, you’re not alone in wondering when child support ends in California.

Here’s what you need to know about California child support, including how to estimate the amount of your payments, and how long these obligations will last.

What is Child Support?

If your divorce goes a lot like most we see, your child custody arrangement won’t result in a 50/50 physical custody split. Instead, the division will be unequal, with the primary custodial parent spending a lot more on child-related expenses than the other. In these situations, child support is meant to help offset the incredible costs of raising a child, and is usually made by the non-custodial parent in a divorce.

What is Child Support For?

Child support is money intended to help pay for a child’s expenses. While this naturally means food and clothes, these funds aren’t just about essential survival. Child support payments can be used to pay rent, compensate for transportation costs, buy groceries—even if they feed other people in the house—and can even cover things like extracurricular activities and entertainment for the child. These funds are a contribution to the family’s community money that helps keep the child’s standard of living intact.

In general, courts do not micromanage how child support funds are spent, and short of obvious neglect or abuse, a parent isn’t going to be required to make an accounting of them. Not only would such a thing not be feasible (since children are so integrated into our lives and expenses), but it would also place a huge, unnecessary strain on an already-overloaded court system.

Child Support Obligations: More Than Just Money

Child support isn’t only a financial payment each month, it also includes things like healthcare coverage (such as medical, vision and dental). Parents who already have insurance will likely be ordered to continue this coverage, so long as the costs are reasonable. If health insurance payments are made out of pocket, these obligations can be used to offset the total owed in child support. In the event that neither you or your spouse has health insurance when you divorce, don’t be surprised if a judge orders you to start paying for it, as it’s pretty standard procedure for courts to require healthcare in child support and parenting orders.

In addition to healthcare insurance, your divorce order will likely include a separate provision addressing expenses accrued out of pocket (such as a deductible or any uninsured medical costs). Since both parents are responsible for financially providing for their children, if you end up shouldering these kinds of expenses while caring for your child, you should be entitled to a fifty percent reimbursement from your former spouse.

Do You Have to Agree on a Child Support Amount?

Under California law, parents don’t have a lot of say in the amount of child support. The state has specific guidelines on how much money a non-custodial parent has to pay for the care of his or her child, and unless you have special circumstances, the court isn’t going to deviate from these guidelines.

The only exception, is if the non-custodial parent wants to pay more than the court orders. If both parents agree to payments that are greater than what California’s guidelines require, the court will likely honor this arrangement.

If you are curious what your payments might look like, try using this child support calculator. Keep in mind, however, that this amount can be adjusted to fit what’s “fair and reasonable,” and the final amount will ultimately be up to your judge.

When Does Child Support End in California?

Many individuals assume that child support payments end when the child turns eighteen, and this isn’t the case. In California, a non-custodial parent is typically required to pay child support until the child turns nineteen, or until high school graduation, whichever comes first. The only circumstances a parent can stop paying child support early, is if the child:

Gets married;
Joins the military;
Becomes emancipated; or
Passes away.

Do Child Support Payments Have to End When a Child is Old Enough?

Parents can agree to pay child support for as long as they want. Usually, extending payments beyond the child’s age of majority happens when parents want to pay for college. If you or your spouse are willing to continue paying child support during the time your child is in college, this can be written into your divorce agreement. The key is that you must both agree.

California Child Support Attorneys

If you have questions about child support in California—including queries about calculating payments, and when this support will end—we can help. Call us right away at (209) 546-6870 or get in touch with a Stockton divorce attorney online, and let our team help make sure your child support needs are being met.

family-law

Joint Custody

February 1, 2021
by Briana White

Child custody refers to a parent’s authority to care for their child, and, during divorce, a judge can assign these powers between spouses as joint custody, or to only one parent in sole custody.

The division of such rights can be quite complicated, and couples should not try to resolve these matters on their own. Instead, families should work with an attorney to make sure that both the child’s best interest are being met, and that they aren’t giving up any essential rights. However, that doesn’t mean it has to be a dogfight.

Most couples find that working together to find a child custody agreement makes the whole divorce a lot easier.

But what is custody, and how does it apply to you?

Here’s a little bit about how custody is handled in California, and why you and your spouse are likely to be awarded joint custody rights.

What is Joint Custody

When you become a parent (either biologically, or through adoption), you don an invisible mantle of rights and responsibilities which are inherent to the role. For children born inside the marriage, this parental authority is shared equally and used interchangeably between spouses. However, upon divorce, these powers will need to be distributed between partners, since some responsibilities simply can’t be shared if parents aren’t living under the same roof.

To this end, judges are free to divide parental rights in one of two ways:

Joint Custody—powers are shared between spouses, either unequally or equally; or,
Sole Custody—when authority is given to one parent, alone.

Hence, “joint custody” refers to any situation where the judge orders parents to share parental authority, instead of assigning powers to just one spouse.

Legal and Physical Custody

In California, these custodial powers are broken down into two groups: legal and physical custody.

Legal custody refers to a parent’s right to make decisions on behalf of their child. This includes being able to make major decisions on things like health and education. It also encompasses a parent’s right to sign documents, have access to records, and the right to be able to decide what religious and cultural norms the child is exposed to.

Physical custody, on the other hand, is about where a child spends their physical time. This refers to both where the child will live, as well as visitation (which may or may not be included, depending on how your judge divides physical custody in your parenting plan).

Both of these custodial power groups (legal and physical) can be shared, jointly, or held by one parent in sole custody.

Joint Legal Custody

If you and your partner are awarded joint legal custody, this means that you share the right to make choices about your child’s health, welfare, and education. In these situations, both of you must pass off on all major decisions that require parental authority (such as surgery), and you are each granted equal access to records and information.

As a general rule, courts are loath to take away a parent’s right to choose how their child is raised. And since legal authority doesn’t necessarily require parents to live under the same roof, parents end up sharing legal custody as joint partners in the majority of California divorce cases.

Why a Judge Wouldn’t Award Joint Legal Custody

It doesn’t happen often, but in rare cases, one parent is awarded sole legal custody. This usually only happens in extreme circumstances, though, such as when:

It’s in the child’s best interest for one parent to have exclusive rights and responsibilities;
The parents have proven they cannot make decisions together;
One parent is unfit; or,
One parent is incapable of making decisions.

As you can see, most of these situations revolve around harm, which means that—short of something more serious, such as neglect, domestic violence, or criminal activity—your pleas for sole legal custody probably won’t be awarded.

In short, being a bad spouse doesn’t mean someone is a bad parent, and the only time courts do not grant joint legal custody is if doing so would hurt the child, somehow.

Joint Physical Custody

When parents share joint physical custody, this means they both have the right to have the child physically present in their homes for significant periods of time. Unlike legal custody, however, physical custodial powers have to be divided (rather than shared), since a child cannot be in two places at once. The split doesn’t have to be 50-50, though.

While it is (technically) possible for joint custody to be split 50-50, because of outside influences like work, school, extracurricular activities, and childcare arrangements, dividing a child’s time exactly equally between parents is almost impossible.

Instead, it’s much more common for the court to assign one parent to be the “custodial parent” (or rather, the child’s “primary residence parent”), while the other (the “non-custodial parent”) receives ample visitation.

Examples of Joint Custody Division

Custody and visitation can be divided any number of ways. One of the most common plans is for parents to alternate weeks, starting on a certain day. Monday is a common choice for these families (since it’s practical for school and work reasons), and in this situation, your joint custody agreement could look like this:

	Mom	Dad
Week 1: Monday – Sunday	✓
Week 2: Monday – Sunday		✓
Week 3: Monday – Sunday	✓
Week 4: Monday – Sunday		✓

Other families might prefer to break up this “alternating week” cycle, and include a midweek visit. That way, kids and parents don’t have to go a full week without seeing each other.

If that was the case in your situation, your custody schedule might look like this:

	Mom	Dad
Week 1: Sunday – Tuesday	✓
Week 1: Wednesday		✓
Week 1: Thursday – Saturday	✓
Week 2: Sunday – Tuesday		✓
Week 2: Wednesday	✓
Week 2: Thursday – Saturday		✓
Week 3: Sunday – Tuesday	✓
Week 3: Wednesday		✓
Week 3: Thursday – Saturday	✓
Week 4: Sunday – Tuesday		✓
Week 4: Wednesday	✓
Week 4: Thursday – Saturday		✓

There are also visitation schedules that combine every other week with every other weekend, prolonging the visit for an extra weekend each cycle. This arrangement is common during the summer, for parties who live more than twenty-five miles away from each other.

Other plans might include:

Three days on, four days off;
Alternating three days on, four days off;
Two weekends a month;
Alternate weekends plus two weeks during summer;
Every other holiday; or even,
All time when the child isn’t in school.

This is by no means an exhaustive list. The number of combinations and options available to couples are extensive, and ultimately, the type of joint custody agreement you and your ex-spouse work out will be up to you. After all, only you know what’s best for your family.

Couples who are interested in having more flexibility in drafting this arrangement, however, should try to avoid divorce litigation. Instead, consider an alternative method of dispute resolution, such as mediation or collaborative divorce.

Your Stockton family law attorney can help you figure out what parenting time agreement will work best for your unique situation.

Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About Child Custody?

At Maples Family Law, we welcome the opportunity to answer your questions about divorce and issues such as custody, child support, spousal support, and the divorce process.

Call us at (209) 989-4425 for a divorce case review with an experienced Stockton divorce lawyer, one who can give you the advice you need to begin moving forward.

family-law

How to File for Divorce

January 28, 2021
by Briana White

If you’re ready to end your marriage, you’re probably wondering how to file for divorce. The process can be daunting, and with so many different ways to secure a split, it can be tough to know where to start.

Luckily, it’s not a process you have to do alone.

Here’s everything you need to know about how to file for divorce in California, and how the team at Maples Family Law can help you.

How to File for Divorce: The Process

The first think you need to know about filing for divorce in California, is that you live in a no-fault divorce state. This means that—unlike in days gone by—you don’t have to assign blame in order to break up your marriage. Furthermore, neither spouse needs to secure the permission of the other. The only requirement is irreconcilable differences.

This is a massive simplification of a process that used to turn divorce court into a circus of false accusations and perjury. In lieu of these archaic notions, couples can now obtain a divorce without subjecting themselves (or their children) to a needlessly contentious environment, creating a much healthier transition, overall.

So, now that you know fault isn’t a requirement, here are the next steps to take when filing for divorce in California.

1. Talk to an Attorney

For most people, it just makes sense to work with a lawyer. Whether you’ve been married a long time or just a little while, there aren’t very many divorce scenarios where a couple is better off by not hiring personal representation.

This is because divorce law is complicated, and on your own, it’s too easy to make mistakes and give up essential rights. Some of which can be extremely expensive—if not impossible—to reverse.

An experienced attorney can help you avoid these potential pitfalls, and guide you through complex issues like child custody, spousal support, and property division without mishap, making their services well worth added hourly expense.

In general, you should only forgo representation if you have no significant assets or debt, and don’t have children. Even then, it’s still wise to have an attorney review your uncontested divorce agreement before filing.

2. Check Residency Requirements

Whether or not you choose to hire an attorney, you will still need to meet both state and county residency requirements in order to file for divorce.

In California, you must have lived in the state for at least six months. Residents of San Joaquin County will also need to have lived there for at least three.

3. Determine Which Type of Divorce Will Work Best for You

As we mentioned above, there isn’t just one way to divorce. Indeed, contrary to what Hollywood might have you believe, a high stakes court trial isn’t the only want to secure a split. Indeed, not only can you dissolve a marriage outside of court, but it’s almost always preferable to litigation.

Some of these out-of-court methods include:

For those who aren’t quite ready for the permanence of a full-on divorce, California also allows couples to negotiate a legally-binding agreement through legal separation.

The method that’s best for you will depend on a number of individualized factors. Some of these might be whether or not you have children, how amicable your breakup is, the amount of property and debt you have, and whether or not you have a valid prenuptial agreement.

If you aren’t sure, a Maples Family Law attorney can help you determine which might be best for your situation.

4. File the Correct Forms

In order to initiate a divorce, you will need to file a petition for divorce with the court, as well as a property declaration, and paperwork about child custody and visitation.

This is where having an attorney will come in handy. A lawyer will not only make sure you have the correct forms, but also that they are filled out accurately, ensuring your divorce process isn’t held up by faulty paperwork. Your attorney will also file these documents with the county clerk on your behalf, freeing up your mental energy for more important things.

If submitting paperwork on your own, keep in mind that you will be responsible for paying for any filing fees associated with these documents.

Once tendered, the county clerk will give you (or your attorney) copies of all your forms with a stamp that says “Filed.” In addition to whatever your attorney keeps, make sure to always retain copies for your own personal record, as well.

5. Ensure Proper Service

From filing, it’s then time to tell your spouse you’ve started the legal process. Forget texts, phone calls, and snapchat, though, because telling your spouse you’ve just filed for divorce requires a little more formality than a simple Facebook message.

In California, proper service requires someone to deliver physical copies of all divorce paperwork to your spouse, usually in person, face to face (though, there are some limited exceptions). As a party to the case, you cannot be the one to deliver the paperwork, however the qualifications are pretty open, and there’s usually no need to hire a professional process server.

A qualified server must:

Be over eighteen;
Not a party to the case;
Serve paperwork within the proper time frame;
Fill out a proof of service form; and,
Return the proof of service form to you, so that you (or your attorney) can file it with the court.

This step is essential. Without proper service, the court could potentially dismiss your whole case (another point for team “Just Hire an Attorney, Already”).

What Happens After Service

What comes after these five steps really depends how your spouse responds to your petition. For partners who are capable of constructive communication, a few sessions of out-of-court mediation is probably all that’s needed to iron out important issues. In contrast, couples with bad feelings, strongly opposing views, or vast amounts of property or marital debt might not be able to settle without a trial.

No matter what the emotional environment of your divorce is, however, once your petition has been properly filed and served, your spouse will have thirty days to respond. And—we should note—this isn’t really a deadline you want to be messing with.

Failure to Respond

Just like the state of California can’t keep you married if you don’t want to be, neither can your spouse, and failure to respond to properly served divorce paperwork won’t stall out the proceedings. Instead, it will just put your spouse in danger of defaulting.

In a default divorce, the court essentially treats your petition like an uncontested divorce, and proceeds as if your spouse had agreed to all the terms. Which is great, if you’re the petitioner, but not so much if you’re on the other end.

Hence, if you’re thinking about trying to stay married by not responding to service, think again. This tactic won’t work, and it most certainly is not in your best interest.

Temporary Orders

If you are worried about retaliation from your spouse during this thirty-day waiting period, talk to your attorney. If necessary, they can petition the court for a temporary order.

This type of order can be tailored to your situation. It can both prohibit your spouse from committing certain behavior, and set down guidelines to govern things like childcare, bills, and spousal support. Protecting you, your children, and your assets while your divorce is pending.

Do You Need to Talk to a Lawyer About How to File for Divorce?

If you are getting a divorce, give yourself a break, and let an attorney handle the stress of paperwork, processing, and deadlines. Not only can they relieve you of this stress, but an experienced family law attorney can also refer you to a therapist, offer valuable, case-specific legal advice, and much more.

For more questions about how to file for divorce in California, call us at (209) 989-4425 or contact us online, and let the team at Maples Family Law help guide you through this complex transition as smoothly as possible.

Spousal Support

Can Spousal Support be Garnished?

January 26, 2021February 1, 2021
by Briana White

As everyone with children knows, raising kids is a full-time job. Because it requires so much mental and physical energy, it’s not uncommon for one spouse to temporarily set aside career aspirations, and devote all his or her available attention to homemaking tasks. While this can be a great solution for some families, the downside is that the employability of the homemaker invariably suffers.

To make up for these career sacrifices, California courts will often include a provision for spousal support in divorce orders. This money is meant to compensate a homemaker for their considerable, non-monetary contributions to the family, and aid them in getting back into the workforce. And, since it’s an official court order, refusing to pay spousal support could put you in dire straits.

In California, spousal support can be garnished from wages. When this happens, your employer would be legally required to make payments before giving you your take home pay. Here’s a little bit more about how spousal support is garnished, some of the other consequences of not paying alimony, and why it’s really not a good idea to default on these payments.

Determining Spousal Support in California

To start off, spousal support, or “alimony,” is by no means a foregone conclusion in divorce. In determining whether or not these funds are needed, California courts will review a number of different factors, some of which are:

The standard of living in the marriage;
Marketable skills of both spouses;
How much the homemaker’s income has been impaired by unemployment;
If the homemaker helped contribute to the career spouse’s education (and by how much);
The homemaker’s ability to get employment without hurting the interests of dependent children;
Obligations and assets of both parties (including separate property); and
How long the marriage lasted.

Since these situational factors differ from couple to couple, so does the need and amount of spousal support in each situation. A homemaker who is independently wealthy, for example, probably doesn’t need help getting back into the workforce—even if they took a significant amount of time off work. In contrast, a parent who has spent the entirety of the marriage helping his or her spouse build a career (at their own expense), would have a much greater need for spousal support upon divorce.

Duration of Spousal Support

In California, a good rule of thumb is to assume spousal support will last half the duration of a marriage under ten years. So, if you were married eight years, you’ll probably be required to pay support for about four. If the marriage continued for six, then three years is a good estimate.

For couples that endured longer than ten years, things become more unpredictable, and in these cases, it’s common for judges to order spousal support for an indeterminable amount of time. When this happens, the paying spouse would have the burden of proof to eventually show that funds were no longer needed. In general, however, “lifetime” support is quite rare, and payments usually only last as long as it takes for the homemaker to become self-sufficient.

Collecting Spousal Support: Easement of Assignment

Not only can spousal support be garnished from wages, but it’s actually standard procedure to do so. This is because in California, every order of spousal support comes pre-packaged with an Easement of Assignment, eliminating much of the collection hassle.

An Easement of Assignment—a fancy way of saying “wage garnishment”—is a legal document requiring a person’s employer to pay a certain amount of money to someone else, before giving them their take home pay. To activate your Easement of Assignment, simply fill out the necessary forms (including attachments), and turn them into the county clerk for signatures. Once the documents are returned, you can then serve them to your ex’s employer, who will then have ten days to begin taking out the necessary funds.

This process might sound invasive, however, it’s actually quite efficient. By doing so, California courts not only decrease payor default, but also ensure that funds are available to the supported spouse regularly and on time—a win-win for both sides.

Easement of Assignment Not Required

While convenient, California does not require spousal support to be garnished from wages. So long as neither party is on public assistance, payors can request that their Easement of Assignment be put on hold, until (if ever) it’s needed. This hold can always be reversed if necessary, so payors shouldn’t view this as a way to negate spousal support obligations.

Help from Local Child Support Agency (LCSA)

Unfortunately, collecting spousal support isn’t always as easy as filing an Easement of Assignment—especially if your ex doesn’t have full-time employment. While it’s always possible to recover funds on your own, the time, expense, and headache might not be worth the effort, especially when someone else can do it for you.

In California, the Local Child Support Agency (LCSA) can help you recoup unpaid or delinquent support payments. Their services are available for both spousal support and child support at no charge to you, and aside from being free, the benefit of using the LCSA, is that they have many resource at their disposal that aren’t available to you.

To secure payments, some of the things the LCSA may do, are:

Report missed payments to credit reporting agencies;
Deny your ex a passport renewal;
Place a lien against their property;
Suspend their state-issued driver’s license;
Intercept tax refunds to deduct payment;
Use the Financial Institution Data Match to find assets, and retrieve money from what’s available;
Subtract funds from disability and/or unemployment benefits; and, even,
Claim lottery winnings—if your ex happens to be lucky enough to get the winning ticket.

Since their services do not cost you anything, it makes a lot of sense to use the LCSA, rather than trying to get your ex to cough up the cash on your own.

Penalties for Failure to Pay Spousal Support

The consequences for not paying spousal support go beyond garnished wages. As you can see, not making these payments could affect credit scores, mess with bank accounts, keep you from traveling, detrimentally affect tax filings, and—in some cases—could even hold you in contempt of court.

Being held in contempt is a criminal offence. Under these charges, if someone can prove that you withheld spousal support funds intentionally, you could be slapped with jail time.

If You Can’t Pay, Notify the Court Immediately

Of course, life is unpredictable, and things can happen that make it difficult or impossible to make payments. The court understands these situations arise, and when they do, it’s important to notify them as soon as possible. Sometimes couples can come together and figure out an alternative payment schedule on their own. If not, however, you may still be able to file a motion to modify with the court.

One thing is clear, though, with so many negative consequences for withholding spousal support, there’s never a good reason to ignore payments.

California Spousal Support Attorneys

If you are struggling to collect spousal support from your ex, or, if you don’t agree with an order of spousal support, we can help. Call us at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online to schedule your consultation, and together, we can explore options that will address your individual needs, without detrimentally effecting your own interests.

family-law

California Community Property Laws

December 14, 2020December 14, 2020
by Anna Maples

Divorce isn’t just emotionally draining, but physically exhausting as well, especially when it comes to property division. Divvying up marital assets has all the stress of a big, cross-country move, except worse, because if push comes to shove, you can’t just mindlessly throw everything into the trailer and hope it all gets there in one piece. According to California community property law, the life you’re splitting technically belongs to both you and your spouse equally, so trying figure out a way to divide it in a way that’s fair for both parties is a delicate, precise, and stressful process.

Luckily, you don’t have to figure it out all on your own. In this article, we’ll break down the basics of California’s community property laws, including how it impacts divorce, and what you can expect when dividing up property post-marriage.

California’s Community Property Laws

First off, California is a community property state, which is a fancy way of saying that all assets acquired during the marriage belong to the spouses equally. This includes paychecks, but can also refer to physical property, and anything else you might have purchased with joint funds—regardless of whose name is on the paycheck, bank account, or title. When determining community property, anything earned, purchased, or acquired during the marriage by either spouse goes into the joint pot.

Community property laws also extend to debt acquired during the marriage, meaning whatever debts are owned by one party, are technically owned by both (again, regardless of whose name is on the loan).

California’s Separate Property Laws

Of course, people don’t usually enter a marriage empty-handed. Even poor college students living on Ramen and Cheerios can usually point to a car, bike, or laptop in their name. These items would be classified as separate property, and—since they belonged to the individuals before marriage—they would also leave the marriage with whoever brought them. This concept includes property that was purchased with separate funds—say if you sold that beat-up car to buy a nice motorcycle after graduation. Following the money backward, that motorcycle would be considered separate property, since it was purchased with funds from property you brought into the marriage.

Similarly, gifts and inheritances made out to one specific individual would also be non-divisible upon divorce—even if they were received during the marriage. And, just in case anyone is curious, California law specifically states that, as an engagement ring was technically a gift acquired before marriage, it qualifies as separate property, and would, therefore, leave with its owner upon divorce.

Dividing Community Property

Because marital property is owned equally by both spouses during the marriage, it has to be divided up equally if it ends. An easy equation to figure out if you have exactly ten pens, and can give five to each side. But how does it work when you only have one house? One lawnmower? One set of authentic, Japanese sushi dishes?

The thing is, equal ownership and equitable division don’t necessarily mean everything will be divided 50-50. We’re not splitting babies here—lawnmowers definitely won’t work as well when chopped in half. Instead, the focus of a community property split is on making sure the division is equal in spirit, so to speak. It means that each spouse will walk away with half of the total marital property value.

So, that might mean you get the sushi dishes, while your spouse lays claim to the Thanksgiving china. All you have to decide next is if you’d rather have the lawnmower or the snowblower, and what you’re willing to bargain with, if your spouse ends up wanting the same thing.

Commingled and Transmuted Property

In a perfect world, all these community and separate property labels work great. But real life isn’t perfect, and none of us are as good at keeping track of expenses as we should be. So what happens if you can’t prove who owns what? What if the separate property gets mixed into the community pot? This is where commingled and transmuted property come into play.

Commingled Property

In California, assets that are both separate and community property are considered to be commingled property. This can be anything from a bank account that contains both separate and community funds, to real property purchased with mixed money.

For example, let’s pretend you didn’t have enough money from the sale of your car to buy that motorcycle. Let’s go further, and say the price was $1,000, but you only got $700 from your car, so you decided to draw $300 from the shared, marital pot in order to pay the reaming balanced. Now you’re good to go, but because you combined separate and community funds, the motorcycle would now be considered commingled property.

When splitting the value of commingled property, courts will try to follow the asset’s history back to its origins. If the money trail is clear, they’ll usually just divide the percentage amount accordingly. In our example, 70% of the motorcycle belongs to you outright, while 30% belongs to the marriage partnership as a whole. This means we can add another 15% ownership onto the seventy you already have (since half of all community property belongs to you, too). So, upon divorce, the motorcycle would be classified as 85% your separate property, and 15% your partner’s. In order to own it outright, you would need to find some way to make up that 15% to your spouse.

The conundrum of commingled property is a cautionary tale of why you should always keep good money records during your marriage. In our example, the percentages were pretty clear cut, but in cases where it isn’t so obvious, your motorcycle may end up “transmuting” into community property, if you can’t prove where the money came from.

Transmuted Property

At its most basic definition, transmuted property is simply property that has been “transformed” from one state to another. This is usually done on purpose, through a signed contract between the two parties (such as with a post-nuptial agreement), when couples want to change the status of a property from separate to community, or vice versa.

However, transmutation can also happen on accident. For example, if you can’t prove that the money for your motorcycle came from separate property funds, a judge might be forced to rule that the commingling of assets has transmuted whatever separate property ownership you had, into community property.

California Community Property Law Attorneys

After living together for an untold number of years, it’s understandably easy for people to slip into a routine, and stop keeping track of where their assets originated, making property division one of the most time-consuming tasks of a breakup. If you or a loved one are dealing with divorce, and have questions about how California community property laws will affect your specific situation, we may be able to help. Call us at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online to schedule your consultation today, and let our team of experienced family law attorneys make sure your property division is handled with the utmost care it deserves.

family-law

Divorce Mediation and Child Custody Tips

December 7, 2020December 7, 2020
by Anna Maples

Mediation can be a time and cost-saving method of resolving divorce disputes, but it can also be tricky, especially when children are involved. If you and your partner have children and are considering divorce mediation, here are ten tips for making your child custody mediation be as successful as possible.

1. Bring Your Schedules

First thing’s first, come to mediation prepared. This means having a handle on not only your schedule, but your child’s as well, including school dates, extracurricular activities, holidays, and any other information that might go into scheduling decisions. Knowing these dates in advance will make your time in mediation more productive, helping you arrive at a conclusion more swiftly and efficiently.

2. Have a Proposed Time-Share

As far as schedules are concerned, it’s not just your current calendar that’s important, but your future endeavors as well. That being said, it’s a good idea to come prepared with a proposed custody plan and visitation schedule already organized. It’s highly unlikely your plan will automatically be approved by your spouse, so be prepared to make changes. Even still, having at least a basic outline will give the mediator a good starting place from which to work.

There are many online tools and apps available to help you with this process, and with the combined aid of these resources—along with your trusty family law attorney—coming up with a plausible solution does not have to be overwhelming as it might sound.

3. Know Your Alternatives

A good plan always has a good backup. When constructing your timeshare schedule, think carefully about all the elements involved, and prioritize your requests accordingly. Know what you’re willing to give up, and what you’re not. Don’t budge on something if you’re truly not comfortable with it, but also be ready with alternative scenarios, in the event your first option gets shot down. Successful negotiations favor the prepared, and having a thoroughly vetted list of preferred alternates at the ready can go a long way toward helping you be happy with the eventual outcome.

4. Listen to Your Mediator’s Suggestions

Despite all your careful planning, the fact is, your mediator will have much more experience than you in dealing with these types of situations, and throughout the day, they will likely bring up ideas for you to consider. Ultimately, some of these suggestions might not end up working out for you. However, listening to them with an open mind can not only help broaden your perspective but also help you avoid common pitfalls of other couples who have come before you.

5. Communicate Firmly, but Respectfully

During mediation, it’s important to be clear about what you want, but try to keep your emotions in check, and to communicate respectfully. Some people find it helpful to view mediation as a business meeting. As most of us already know, in work situations, it doesn’t usually pay to treat people—even the rude ones—with disrespect. The same mentality applies here. Communicate your desires and concerns firmly, but with respect, even if you are being treated poorly. Experienced mediators can usually see through the antics, and know when a request is being made in good faith.

6. Be Willing to Compromise

All that about being firm aside, it’s important to recognize that the mark of a good compromise is when neither party leaves completely satisfied. In “mediation speak,” that means it’s pretty much guaranteed that you won’t leave with everything you want. And that’s okay. You’re in co-parenting territory now, where sharing is even more critical to success than it was during your marriage. Be honest about your own shortcomings, and enter the proceedings mentally prepared to make realistic compromises.

7. It’s About Them, Not You

During the divorce process, pride can often cloud good judgment, making it easy for parents to confuse their own desires with what’s best for their child. Try to leave your ego and personal needs at the door as much as possible. Instead, be honest about what your child needs, and focus on making every decision in their best interest—even if it means not getting what you want, personally. In the end, you and your spouse know your child better than anyone, and whatever agreement you can reach as loving parents is far more likely to meet your child’s individual needs than if a stranger has to make those decisions for you.

8. “Ours,” Not “Mine”

Listen. We know it’s hard not to take cheap shots at your spouse whenever possible, especially when you’re hurting. But it’s important to remember that your child is not just yours. That child belongs to both of you. And chances are, if your spouse is fighting you on custody, then they probably love that child as much as you do. During mediation, try not to be petty. Avoid referring to your child as “mine,” but rather “ours,” and do your best to empathize with your spouse. Doing so can help make it easier to accept decisions that will be mutually beneficial to the whole family, even if they wouldn’t be your first choice.

9. You Don’t Have to Agree

Sometimes, despite everyone’s best efforts, an agreement can’t be reached through mediation. And you know what? That’s okay. Take the pressure off yourself to agree. If you’re not comfortable with the proposed solution, it’s okay to let the court handle things. Even though a judge might not know your child as well as you, they do have the benefit of looking into the relationships with an unbiased perspective, and sometimes that might be exactly what your situation needs.

10. Avoid Social Media

Regardless of whether or not you come to an agreement during divorce mediation, resist the urge to talk about what happened on social media at all costs. Actually, this wisdom can be applied to the entire divorce process. Despite how secure you think your profiles are, they’re never ironclad. And the things people post on social media can—and often do—get used against them when courts make custody decisions. Err on the side of caution. Be classy. Take the high road. And avoid spilling these details into the internet void. In the end, you’ll be glad you did.

Divorce Mediation Attorneys in California

Even if your divorce is amicable, the process of splitting a joint life can be incredibly complicated. Especially when children are involved. If you or a loved one have questions about divorce mediation, and how to prepare for a child custody dispute, our California family law attorneys can help. Call us at (209) 989-4425, or get in touch online to schedule your consultation today. Together, we can help your divorce mediation run more smoothly, and ensure the best possible custody arrangement for your child.